(FADEIN: The NCN logo fades from the screen, replaced by the newer blue-and-orange CSWA ‘star’ logo.)
(CUEUP: “Numb” by Linkin Park)
(CUT TO: ON TIME in Greensboro)
CHAD MERRITT: Before I announce anything else, let me deal with the most serious. In Seattle, Mark Windham injured two fans. In one case, the fan got too close to the action and ended up in the way. That’s regrettable, but if all of you there in the Auditorium will look on the back of your tickets, it’s something you’re warned against, and that you make yourself liable for by buying a ticket. In the other case, a fan jumped over the barricade and assaulted Mark. In defending himself, Mark made the decision to piledrive the fan into the concrete, resulting in a concussion and other injuries.
(Quickstep fast forward blurs across the screen taking us moments ahead.)
All that being said, I’ve got to set an example that this cannot and will not be tolerated. Under the terms of all CSWA contracts, I’m allowed to issue fines against a wrestler’s salary. Today, I’m issuing a fine against Mark Windham for $100,000. I’m also requiring Mark to sign a provisional addition to his contract that lays the responsibility for any future acts on his head, and his wallet.
Mark, if you want to go crazy and take it out on people, then pad a couple of walls in your basement and I’ll get you some of those life-size cardboard cutouts we use to sell merchandise. But the next time you touch a fan, it’s more than likely that you’ll be going to jail, as well as being sued for everything you’ve got by the person you injured.
And that brings us to the CSWA World Championship. Despite the fan interference and the aftermath, despite the brutality, there’s no question that Dan Ryan and Mark Windham gave every ounce of their being in Seattle. It made for an amazing Main Event.
But if there’s anything I’ve learned here in the CSWA, it’s that nothing goes without controversy. And as if there hadn’t been enough during the match, the lights going out in the final second certainly made for the kicker. We are currently in the process of investigating the reason behind the momentary outage. At this point, we have no reason to believe that it was done deliberately. Certainly Dan Ryan had no reason to want it.
I spoke with referee Ben Worthington immediately after the match in Seattle. I questioned him closely about the bulk of the match, at least the part he was conscious enough to see, and especially about the ending. In his judgment, he felt 100-percent confident that Mark Windham’s shoulder did not leave the mat until after the three-count was made. I can find nothing in the videotape that contradicts the referee.
Therefore, the decision stands, and Dan Ryan is o-fish-ally your NEW CSWA World Heavyweight Champion.
But… let’s all agree that I’m nothing, if not fair. We’re just weeks away from CSWA ANNIVERSARY 2003: CSWA15, and it’s time that we cleared a few things up. In about ten days, CSWA PRIMETIME goes to the United Center in Chicago. The Main Event for that huge card will be a rematch for the CSWA World Championship between Dan Ryan and Mark Windham, assuming that they both can refrain from attacking anymore fans or commentators.
Also on that card, we’ll be holding a special match to determine the top contender who will challenge for the World Title at CSWA15. On one side of this six-man tag match will be three of the Intruders: GUNS, Craig Miles and Eddie Mayfield. Sorry boys, no “Intruder Rules” on this one. But I don’t think I’ll have to convince you…because I’m giving you a chance to get in the ring with three of your favorites: Kevin Powers, Triple X, and Shane Southern. But while this is technically a tag match, there are a couple of hitches. It’s actually an elimination tag team match… so the team that wins is the one with one or more members remaining.
But it doesn’t end there. Since only one man can challenge in that CSWA15 Main Event, that means that the match continues until there’s only one man left. So if the Intruders win the match, then they’ll have to decide who the top dog among them is. And if Southern, Powers and Triple X all survive, then they’ll have to battle it out to see who becomes the top contender. All in all, as the saying goes, “There can be only one.”
So, in Chicago, we’ll know one-half of our pay-per-view Main Event, while the World Champion, either Ryan or Windham, will have to see if he can hold on to the title until ANNIVERSARY to meet the top contender.
Welcome (Finally) to PRIMETIME!
(CUTTO: The commentators’ table where the CSWA’s finest sit on a dais surrounded by fans with signs like “’Good Grief’ Kevin Powers CHOKES AGAIN’” and “I Want My ITV!,” as well as another one about the Intruders that is quickly snatched away by security, since it alludes to some odd sex acts. It’s a family show, after all.)
BB: Helloooooo wrestling fans! I’m Bill Buckley along with Sammy Benson here in the United Center, and this is CSWA PRIMETIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMME! You just saw part of CSWA Owner Chad Merritt’s announcement back in Greensboro, setting up tonight’s HUGE double Main Event. It’s Dan Ryan defending his CSWA World Championship against the man he took it from ”The Living Legend” Mark Windham. And not only that, but as Merritt said, by the end of the night, we’ll also know who will challenge one of those two men for the title at CSWA ANNIVERSARY 2003: CSWA15!
SB: Thanks for taking two minutes to say exactly what your boss just said. You’re a treasure, Buckley.
BB: You just talked yourself out of a Christmas gift, Sammy.
SB: I’m crushed.
BB: And it was going to be a good one too.
BB: It involved alcohol.
SB: You’re kidding.
BB: Nope. And now you’ve blown it.
SB: I really don’t believe you, but on the off chance that it’s true, have I mentioned lately that you’re not half as decrepit as you look?
BB: Nice try. For you, at least. Folks, we’ll kick off the action in just a minute, but first, we want to take you backstage as CSWA World Champion Dan Ryan arrives, prepping for his rematch later tonight for the title against Mark Windham!
Hail to the Champ -- Or Not
(CUT TO: Dan Ryan and Mark Windham locked up and struggling in a hallway backstage. The stage door is still wide open. Officials are trying, in vain, to pull them apart.)
BB: Good grief!! Windham and Ryan couldn't wait for their match tonight before going at it!
(Ryan gains the upper hand, shoving Windham off the concrete wall. He takes several hard shots at him, although Windham manages to get his hands up in defense. Windham fires back wildly as both men trade shots to the head. Ryan blocks a right hand and takes a handful of Windham’s hair, looking to ram him into the other side of the hallway head-first.)
BB: These guys are tearing each other apart!! At this rate, there won’t be enough of them LEFT to have a match with!
SB: And that would be bad because…?
BB: Merritt's not gonna be happy if his big money match is ruined by these two!
SB: I don't think they really care right now! So neither do I.
(Ryan pulls Windham to his feet and Mark immediately starts wailing away on the World Champion. Ryan backs his way down the hall toward some double doors, still fighting off The Living Legend. Ryan kicks Windham in the gut and he staggers back a bit, but then charges the champ. Ryan sidesteps the charge as Windham goes by a few steps and right up to the double doors. Windham catches himself on the doors, then turns into a stiff superkick to the jaw from Ryan that sends Windham flying through the doors...knocking over a security guard and surprising some unsuspecting fans milling around on the concourse.)
BB: They're out on the concourse again! You remember what happened the last time they got near the fans!
SB: Now it’s getting interesting. We could see carnage!
BB: Ryan went right to the concession stand of course....
SB: Well, obviously. I wonder if he’d pick me up something.
(Ryan follows Windham out as fans rush to the scene. Security guards try to set up a perimeter around the action, but have trouble as the fans push to see the action. Ryan grabs a small metal trash can from beside a vendor stand nearby and brings it down hard over Windham's head, opening up a gash across his forehead. Windham grabs at his head and falls forward on all fours, then reaches out and rushes his arm up hard into a low blow that drops Ryan to a knee.)
BB: Windham fighting back!!
SB: Of course. He’s too stupid not to.
(Windham comes back up and whips Ryan hard into and over the counter of a t-shirt vendor sending the workers there scurrying for safety. Windham climbs up onto the counter and looks down at Ryan on his back behind it. Windham measures him and leaps down, but gets a look of shock on his face as Ryan raises up and puts a massive hand around his neck. Ryan gets to his feet with Windham still in his grasp and chokeslams him through the counter, smashing it to pieces.)
BB: This is unreal!! How in the world are these two gonna have a match later on tonight??
(Ryan digs through the wreckage and grabs Windham by the hair, pulling him up....a "Marry Me, Cameron" t-shirt draped over his face. Ryan drags him by the head out into the open area of the concourse and heads to a concession stand nearby.)
SB: What'd I tell ya?
(Ryan approaches the stand and prepares to send Windham flying over the counter when Windham lowers his head into his gut and drives him back hard into the wall. Windham reaches up and pulls the popcorn machine down over Ryan's head, smashing the glass over his head and sending popcorn everywhere.)
BB: Oh my goodness!
SB: We haven’t seen popcorn fly like that since Steve Schroeder was a CSWA VP. Look out for the special sauce!
(CUT TO: Ryan lying in broken glass, bleeding from a cut above his right eye.)
BB: Both of these two are cut open and I have to remind everyone once again....they haven't even started their match yet!! This started as they came into the arena!!
(CUT TO: Security personnel wearing "CSWA" uniforms arriving en masse on
the scene, led by CSWA VP of Security Gregg Gethard.)
(Windham goes after Ryan, but about four men restrain him from doing any further damage as they try to back him away from the scene. Two more help them escort Windham back through the crowd as he stares back at Ryan.)
(CUT TO: Two or three men try to attend to Ryan on the ground when he suddenly bolts up and charges at the group escorting Windham. He dives onto all of them, sending them all to the ground and leaving Ryan on top of Windham. Ryan pounds away with lefts and rights until all seven or eight officials manage to once again pull them off.)
BB: This is crazy!! These two are gonna tear each other apart!!
(CUT TO: Shots of Ryan being pulled back with nothing but a deep frown on his face.)
(CUT TO: Windham screaming obscenities back at Ryan as he gets pulled away.)
BB: Fans, we'll be right back. Before we head to the break, take a look at this video package about recent happenings in the CSWA.
SB: I think the fight did that pretty well on its own.
V/O: From new champions...
(CUEUP: “Inspire” by Cave In)
(CUTTO: Kin Hiroshi vs. Jean Rabesque backstage at ON TIME in Greensboro)
JEAN RABESQUE: Hey, watch where the hell you're going.
KIN HIROSHI: Well, then, I guess you shouldn't have been in my way.
RABESQUE: Oh, hey, I remember you. You're that guy that I punked back at BATTLE of the BELTS. Yeah, the one who got himself disqualified to hold on to his precious title.
HIROSHI: Oh, is that right?
RABESQUE: Yeah, that's right.
(CUTTO: ON TIME in New York, inside the ring)
JS: Rabesque just hooked in the Figure Four! He's got the leglock strapped in, and this crowd is screaming for Hiroshi to grab that bottom rope. He's just inches away... but NO, Rabesque pulls him away!
MJ: As we say in Cuba, my motherland, do you see el hombre de muffins?
JS: That's just awful. Again Hiroshi gets just inches away from the ropes, and again Rabesque unlocks the hold enough to pull him away, then straps it in again! I don't know how much longer Kin can hold.... that's it! He's tapped out! Jean Rabesque has just been crowned Greensboro Champion!
(CUTTO: Referee Ben Worthington handing the belt to Rabesque, who climbs to each middle turnbuckle and shows his newly-won gold to the crowd. After hitting all four ropes, he throws the belt over his shoulder and heads to the back.)
JS: A new Greensboro Champion! Jean Rabesque’s first steps to greatness!
MJ: Juan, only in this great state of New York. Feel sorry for great fans in Hartford, but Manny shines brighter in big lights.
V/O: To returning old ones...
(CUTTO: ON TIME in Greensboro)
RA: He hails from Las Vegas, Nevada. Weighing in at nearly 300 pounds and standing 6’9” tall…here is STEEL VIIIIIIIIIPERRRRRR!
Viper lifts Wall up for an atomic drop, but instead places him on the top rope with his back to Viper. He then climbs up to the second rope behind Wall and dumps him on his head with a belly to back suplex.)
JS: HOLY MOLY! He just nailed Wall with a VIPERPLEX off the top rope!
MJ: A Viperplex? He’s got everything named after him. It’s not like he make these moves up or tweaks them. It’s no different if Wall did it.
JS: Viper grabs Wall’s left arm and rolls him on his side. He’s clamping on the VIPERLOCK!
MJ: Don’t encourage him. It’s a simple armbar submission hold. What I wouldn’t give to put Jewel in that move, the heartless wench.
JS: Wall has no choice…HE TAPS OUT! He taps out!
VIPER: That could be you, Eddie. THAT could be YOU!
(He puts his fists together and does the “break in half” gesture. He then pushes past the cameraman and heads up the ramp.)
V/O: From old faithful feuds.
(CUTTO: CSWA: ON TIME in Hartford)
MELTON: That is correct, Tobor. If you all will kindly direct your attention to the eye sore near the entrance we have Miles via satellite.
(Barely visible inside of a dark, smoke-filled room sits a midget, three days worth of stubble on his face, sporting a hair net and old school Ray Ban sunglasses.)
CRAIG MILES: Heyyyyy.
MELTON: Miles how are you buddy?
CRAIG MILES: Joey? Is that you? Man you’re so bright, like a pigeon with multi-colored wings.
(ON MELTON: Joey looks at Carlton for help.)
MELTON: (waving his hand to Miles) Craig...how..
CRAIG MILES: NO SUDDEN MOVEMENTS, PLEASE!
MELTON: Okay, Okay. Relax. Craig how’s the chamber treating you?
V/O: To unexpected alliances...
(CUEUP: "(Can't You) Trip Like I Do" by Filter and the Crystal Method)
(CUTTO: CSWA: ON TIME in Greensboro)
A: What is with you and this GUNS screaming?
KP: What screaming? I'm not screaming a DAMN THING ... GUNS! GUNS! GUNS!
A: Jesus would you quit yelling his name?
KP: I'M NOT YELLING! Tonight Miles gets served up one classic USDA Grade A PRIME ASS GUNS WHOOPIN and there ain't a DAMN GUNS THING he can do about it! GUNS!
(CUTTO: Later in the card, during the aftermath of Joey Melton vs. Cameron Cruise)
(Kevin Powers looks back and smiles as Joey hits the ring.)
JS: What’s Joey Melton doing here?!
MJ: I don’t know! Why is everyone YELLING? Whoooooo!
(Powers hoists up Miles. Melton measures Craig with one of the Tag Belts and then whacks him in the face.)
JS: Melton and Powers? Together?
(GUNS cracks Melton and Power’s heads together. Carlton in the Bandit fat suit carefully navigates the ring steps.)
MJ: What a lovely woman! Always thought so Juan.
JS: It’s Calvin Carlton you dope. He’s got a foot on the apron, but he can’t seem to find a way in! GUNS SHOWS HIM THE WAY. Two hands over Carlton’s head, he lifts Calvin up then slingshots him in the ring!!
(From behind Melton whacks GUNS in the back of the neck with a Tag Title.)
JS: GUNS goes down like he’s been shot! Powers drops an elbow!
KP: I don't understand you boy. You didn't get my hint in Richmond. You didn't get the hint during all the words we've been spewing against one another. You didn't even get the hint in Seattle. Boy I've been calling your sorry ass out since day ONE, but you've just been too chickenshit to admit it! So you want me to crawl out here on my hands and knees and ask for a match? Well, seeing the position that you're in and I'm down here talking to ya ... I guess you've got your wish for your damn WrestleThon 2003! Here's the match GUNS.
You and me ...
One on one ...
V/O: From legendary rivals...
(CUEUP: "Like The Sun" by I Mother Earth)
(CUTTO: ON TIME in Greensboro where Rudy Seitzer is interviewing
SEITZER: Then why now? Why would Adler choose to bring it up now?
HORNET: I don’t know, Rudy. Maybe it’s because Adler knows I’m recovering from one of the toughest times in my life and thinks I’m easy prey. Maybe it’s because he wants more, he wants to recover some former glory, and he thinks I’m the key to getting there. Maybe it’s because he really is upset that Merritt didn’t go to him in the CSWA’s time of need, and he wants to prove something. I don’t know. I do know that like many of us old-timers, Tom’s a man who likes to reminisce. He’s brought Maxwell Diamond back, reformed the < > Cutters, hell, he’s even re-run an angle from years ago by handcuffing Windham to a limousine. Who knows what he’s thinking, and who really cares. Next he’ll start showing up in the rafters or something.
SEITZER: What does it mean to be competing at the celebration of the CSWA’s fifteenth anniversary?
HORNET: I won’t know until I get back here, Rudy. With everything that’s happened over the last couple of years, and especially over the last year, all I can say is that it’s a huge honor to be right here right now. Some days it’s hard to believe that it’s been fifteen years since Mark and I pulled up into the parking lot here, and some days it feels like fifteen more.
(CUTTO: Moments later...)
SEITZER: Speaking of Mark… (He pauses for a moment to wait for the boos to subside some.) You’ve been silent on Mark’s recent World Title reign and his recent actions, especially his attack on Poison Ivy. Do you have anything you want to say?
HORNET: Not a thing, Rudy.
(The ON TIME logo on CSWAvision is replaced by the face of the former CSWA World Champion. Mark Windham is in the building, apparently, and he’s visibly upset.)
WINDHAM: What’s the old adage Rudy? Actions speak louder than words. (crowd boos as Windham joins the spot.) I guess sobriety can break bad habits. For fifteen years Pa—(Mark smiles) Hornet has thrived on saying one thing and doing another. I understand it’s your job, Seizter, to get a sound byte out of the man, and you’ve always been easily misled, but make no mistake, Hornet’s a man of action. That he’s biting his lip is a welcome change. It’s giving many of the ‘boys’ a chance to pull the knife out of our backs.
SEIZTER: Hold on just a minute, Windham. This is Hornet’s time...
HORNET: Forget it, Rudy.
WINDHAM: It’s his time? (Mark laughs) Not anymore. The myth died at BATTLE OF THE BELTS when yet another power play blew up publicly. The man, well...let’s be honest, he died some time before.
SEIZTER: Nobody here or watching at home on high definition is buying this, Mark...
WINDHAM: It’s been bought for them. The proof is paraded in front of their noses, look in the middle of the ring. The Franchise? No, it’s “The Ghost of Paul.”
(Crowd boos. Hornet stares at the mat, obviously trying to restrain himself.)
WINDHAM: Do we have time, buddy...to drag the past out into the light? It’s a credit to Merritt’s marketing that you’ve never had to pay for your sins. Ironically, when you tell us ‘you have,’ it’s at your own hands. That’s right Paul wiped his own nose and all returns to being fair in love and war. THAT’S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS. People pay, they bleed, they repent, and they beg for forgiveness so that they might one day understand what it all means. You haven’t paid. And you’re in no position to wash the blood off your own hands. You ruin lives behind the legend of fifteen years of work. Hornet sells. Always will. Even if the man pulling the strings is a Lost Soul.
The truth is in the light.
And now...Mark Windham is bringing The Ghost Of Paul front and center. We’ll show the people who you really are, and let them have control of your fate.
Oh I know Paul. You’ve suffered right. The back, the pills...the broken relationships. To quote a fool, “It’s true because HORNET SAID SO.” You haven’t suffered nearly enough, not when the Ghost keeps to being the ass he always has been.
AT ANAHEIM, YOU COST ME THE TITLE! You turned those lights out, and you damn well know it!
SEIZTER: This is absurd.
WINDHAM: Is it? Mike Randalls seems to be a man people are putting trust in these days. If his word is suddenly gospel, bring him out here Seizter...and he’ll tell you about the danger of the Marvin Parsons/Hornet connection. Flip the switch on the electrified steel cage because ‘Hornet Said So.’
It was all so brilliant. Hide behind the legend while pushing the limit of your invisibility. Don’t tell me I’m absurd, Seizter. I know of what I speak. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I saw it for the last time! What you kept me from years ago, you took for the second time. There’s no search to shuffle off to. You see Paul, I know myself...and that frees me to take retribution now.
Push him for his truth Seizter...at least for another couple of minutes. That’s about all I’ll need to get out there and start his awakening.
(Hornet finally looks up and stares at Windham on CSWAvision.)
HORNET: You pathetic, hypocritical windbag. You’re a sad little man who doesn’t know how to think before he speaks. Do you think I CARED that you had the title? I was busy trying to get HELP.
Oh, but I forgot, the mighty “Living Legend,” the man with his own special plan to salvation doesn’t need HELP. Well I’m not buying it. I’m not drinking the Kool-Aid you’re putting out to seal your psychotic little suicide pact.
(On CSWAvision, the veins on Windham’s forehead are prominent, but he doesn’t respond.)
HORNET: You don’t know the first thing about how I’ve ‘paid,’ Mark. And truth be told, you don’t give a damn. You don’t know because you haven’t been here, you haven’t been anywhere near me. You’ve been too busy pulling off the latest Living Psycho stunts to worry about anyone else but yourself.
(Windham starts to respond, but Hornet cuts him off.)
HORNET: Yes it is true, Mark. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be sitting there ALONE, would you? Do you think I’ve really spent time trying to figure out how to screw you out of the title? Please. Once you’re on self-destruct mode, it’s only a matter of time. Hell, Carl Brigsby probably could’ve beaten you for the title by now. Dan Ryan just happened to be the one in the right place at the right time and with enough talent to walk over you.
So you think I’ve hatched a scheme to get at you, Mark? You think I can just turn the lights out anytime I want? Well, you’re wr--
(The lights flicker, then cut off for three to four seconds, CSWAvision cutting to black as well. When everything comes back on, Hornet and Rudy look shaken, surprised.)
(CUTTO: CSWAvision. Windham’s been laid out, head busted wide open.)
RUDY: What the --? Hornet, what…
HORNET: We’re done, Rudy.
(Hornet steps away and climbs out of the ring.)
V/O: To newly-crowned legends...
(CUEUP: "Zero" by Smashing Pumpkins)
(CUTTO: CSWA World Champion "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan in the ring in Greensboro, responding to Merritt's earlier announcement.)
RYAN: Well then….it seems that my win over Mark Windham….has gotten the Merritt Good Housekeeping seal of approval….
RYAN: “Mr. Merritt’s announcement notwithstanding, let me make it very VERY clear that this belt is not around my waist because Chad Merritt came out and said a few words. This belt is around my waist because I did exactly what I said I was gonna do. I walked into Key Arena….I looked the Living Psycho dead in the eye….and I beat the living hell out of him….”
You want some more, Windham??? YOU WANT THIS BELT BACK?? YOU GO SEE MERRITT….AND YOU GET IT SIGNED!! I’LL BE AT PRIMETIME….IF YOU SHOW YOUR FACE….I’M GONNA MAKE THE BEATING YOU FELT IN SEATTLE LOOK LIKE A F***ING BROADWAY MUSICAL……
(Ryan tosses the mic down and climbs out as the crowd pops one more time. Ryan raises an arm up on his way up the ramp, but doesn’t acknowledge the crowd again as he goes through the curtain.)
V/O: The clock keeps ticking away, counting down. Every chance could be the last. It's only a matter of time before EVERYTHING changes.
Mr. Wrestling #27 vs. Wesley Paige
After making his CSWA debut in a victory over Henderson Bramble, the masked man debuted on PRIMETIME against the man whose claim to fame was tripping into a US Tag Title reign, "Winless" Wesley Paige.
At ON TIME, 27 said he was looking to change the image of the sport by getting rid of the filth... and apparently he considers Paige pretty dirty. Jimmy the Janitor would have been proud, as Mr. W used Paige to mop the ring putting on a clinic. The man who's held championships on three continents showed Paige that flapjacks aren't just breakfast food, and that a Mexican surfboard can be even worse than drinking the water.
27 played to the crowd, giving Paige chances to get to his feet, only to be speared, snap suplexed and piledriven. But never let it be said that the masked 27th Mr. Wrestling doesn't believe in opportunity. He gave Paige one final chance...and the Winless One walked straight into a huge superkick and the three count.
WINNER: Mr. Wrestling #27
(FADEIN: To a United Center locker area, a deep locker room, housing the Chicago Bulls home room. The camera pans over to a pit with seats, filled with THE INTRUDERS. The CSWA crowd watching starts making loud noises - boos laced with smart mark cheers. We see sitting in various modes of apathy and attention, PI, “Middle Management” MIKE McGEE, SHAMON, BANDIT, CRAIG MILES and an obviously empty steel chair that has GUNS' name hastily scrawled on a sheet of paper and taped down on it. The Intruders make conversation with each other as a BANG! alerts them off-camera that someone just enters the room. The camera pans around to see 'Hot Property' EDDIE MAYFIELD, limp-hopping his way into the room, wearing a Blue Armani suit with one leg ripped off, to make room for MAYFIELD's huge plaster cast fitting his right leg. The PRESIDENTIAL title is strapped around his waist, under the jacket of his suit. MAYFIELD looks pissed as he struggles into the room to stand in front of a whiteboard. He throws the crutches to the side and leans up against the wall, scanning the other members of the faction, eyes narrowed to slits. He then produces a camel and sparks it, takes some test charges and growls.)
MAYFIELD: Good Evening, ladies... GentleMAN (Nods to MILES, who gives a small nod, sitting between SHAMON and MCGEE who point to themselves in error). I brought you all here, and... (Looks at the empty chair with GUNS' name on it) apparently GUNS isn't here yet, but I'm gonna start anyway. First off - this is a RED-LETTER DAY in the era of the Intruders. (Nods from some of the members. QUICK CUTTO: BANDIT, who almost looks asleep from his folded-armed, legs out stance, and weird noises coming from his nose) TONIGHT, is EYE TEE VEE episode TWO, and tonight, the Intruders RIDE OR DIE.
Tonight, the Intruders seal the deal that WE are the 'IT' in CSWA, and that our destruction of this place stays on-course. We've had setbacks. Chad Merritt and the whole CSWA is trying to circle the wagons and strike back. We expect that. Hell, we WELCOME it. It means that they're paying attention. THAT means that they're SCARED. Apathy and fear don't mix, ladies and gentlemen, and tonight, those who thought what we say didn't matter, those (BLEEEEP!)holes who didn't know what was up until they realized they were HAIRLESS, BELTLESS and WORTHLESS, want to get back at us now. Now that they figured out the Circus was NOT in town. I don't see anybody smiling in here right now - in fact - I need all of you to have GAME FACES set to go tonight.
TONIGHT, is when Eddie Mayfield and the Intruders DO THEIR THING. Tonight, those who want reciepts on us get jackSH(BLEEEP!). And that means that WE ALL must do our part. (Points at SHAMON, who looks crazy nervous) YOU, whatever the (BLEEEEP!) your name is - I dunno how you wound up in here, but somebody gave you a shirt, so tonight, you EARN IT. Tonight, you're up against that walking Tekken 3 character, Steel Viper. Viper wants to END me, and tonight - YOU will make sure that will not happen. Tonight, Shamar, or whatever you name is - your mission is to SHUT DOWN STEEL VIPER. (Crowd watching starts laughing, as SHAMON grabs his throat in terror!) What's wrong with you? It ain't hard - just go out there and whip his ass. Trust me - it's all gravy, dood. (CUTTO: McGEE, patting SHAMON on the back, trying to make him feel better - SHAMON adjusts his shower cap!)
And YOU, BANDIT. (BANDIT shimmys around, stirring) WAKE THE F(BLEEEEP!) UP! (MAYFIELD finds an eraser on the board and flings it at BANDIT, hitting him in the chest) Bandit, LOOKIT MY LEG! YOU are on my list right now, bro - as far as I'm concerned, YOU'RE half the reason I'm in this cast, and tonight, yeah - I know you got jumped - but (BLEEEP!) that - tonight, the Brick Wall of the Intruders earns HIS keep tonight. Two (BLEEEEP!)holes, Melton and Powers, they stole the World Tag belts, on some lame (BLEEEEP!) Thats straight outta 1986(BLEEP!) and we're shutting this down NOW. Bandit - GET THEM BACK. However you need to do it. (BANDIT nods, and rakes his thumb across his neck S-L-O-W-L-Y.
Craig - you know what you need to do, bro - so we're on the same page, right?
MILES: (Deathly grim, nodding) You know it, like a poet, bro.
MAYFIELD: Excellent. Pi, McGee? You assist and run screens tonight and fill in the blanks. I wish GUNS was here, but we'll work around it. (MAYFIELD looks around, growling) TONIGHT, means a lot of things to the Intruders. TONIGHT... is the night that one of us gets our next title shot at the World Championship, and Casper the Cajun Ghost WILL NOT GET NEAR IT.
TONIGHT - We get our just returns on alotta people who have wronged us. TONIGHT - is my birthday, and I will allow NOTHING to get in the way of my all-night celebration. Are you cats READY? (The I's jump up and shout!) THEN LET'S GO OUT THERE AND BE THE BEST HEELS WE CAN BE, PEOPLE!
(Cheers! The Intruders all jog out of the room, shouting, except MILES, who stands up, exhales, and kicks over a row of chairs! He stomps by MAYFIELD, who's still in the room, enjoying a drag off of his cigarette! He exhales, flicks the camel away and says "I love it when a plan comes together.")
Evan Aho vs. Cameron Cruise
Former CSWA World Champion Evan Aho looked rested and recovered from a recent spate of injuries as he stepped into the ring against the former Presidential Champ. But Cruise isn't one to go down without a fight.
Aho compensated for Cruise's height advantage by keeping the mat quick and staying out of his grip. Aho looked spectacular early, dropping Cruise on demand with crisp snap suplexes before wearing him down to the mat with a full nelson. Cruise tried to power out, but once down on the mat, there's no one that can outwrestle Aho.
After finally hooking a foot under the ropes, the two were back up to a vertical base. Aho immediately backed Cruise into the ropes and delivered huge knife-edge chops before sending him flying with a monkey flip out of the corner, then a massive neckbreaker. Cruise kicked out at two, urged on by his wife, Mercedes, at ringside.
In the ring, Aho appeared to have singular focus, but moments after Buckley and Benson pointed out a familiar face watching from below the rampway, it became obvious that Aho's powers of perception had alerted him to Mike Randalls' presence as well.
As Aho went for a perfectly-executed DDT, he was surprised to find Cruise a step closer to the ropes than he thought, allowing the former Presidential champ to hook an arm over the top rope and avoid the impact. Aho hit the mat, quickly the Jacksonville native putting the boots to the back of his head. Aho quickly rolled to his feet, but Cruise was ready, hooking the head and nailing a high impact DDT of his own. Cruise continued his roll, hooking his arms around Aho and powering him up...and down... with a cradle piledriver that allowed the referee to bang the mat three times...just before Aho's right shoulder rolled up.
Cruise headed to the outside, celebrating the big win with Mercedes, while Aho quietly rolled outside and headed up the ramp, perhaps contemplating his recent run-ins with Mike Randalls.
Happy Birthday, Mr. President
(CUTTO: The camera pans the ring, which has a carpet and small conference table set up inside of it. The camera then cuts to the broadcast position with Buckley and Benson.)
BB: Welcome back from the break, folks. Before we get to our match featuring Steel Viper against one of the Intruders, we've got a huge contract signing to seal the deal on one of the matches that Merritt has announced for CSWA ANNIVERSARY 2003: CSWA15!
(SFX: A loud, shrill alarm as the arena is bathed in red light! A lot of the crowd jumps up and marks out - and more boo and throw trash! That familiar robot voice drones out the repeated phrase 'INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!' which suddenly segues into a long, grating line of feedback! It slows into a hardcore guitar solo, and then leads into 'Voodoo Chile' by Ben Harper! In the lower right hand side of the corner of your TV screen, the CSWA PRIMETIME logo is hastily digitally replaced by the iTV logo!)
SB: Well look at that, we're saved from the Tale of Two Jerks Past Their Prime by the real deal, the Intruders!
BB: Fans, apparently, The Intruders are again out here and trying to reinstate Intruder Television, iTV, and this crowd is really upset about it!
SB: You hear what you wanna hear, Buckley - I hear the cheers of the impressed and appreciative...even if they are dumb as bricks.
(CUTTO: The rampway, where the CSWA banners are covered in huge iTV banners, and black and white headshots of the core Intruders - GUNS, MAYFIELD and MILES! Suddenly, the Intruders file onto the ramp: Pi, backing his way down the ramp, videotaping the whole spectacle; SHAMON, in Intruders tee under black leather and zippered 'BAD' Michael Jackson gear; 'Middle Management' MIKE McGEE, wearing a black business suit and haliburton briefcase handcuffed to the wrist; GUNS, wearing jeans shorts and a sleeveless Intruders tee, flanked by CRAIG MILES and BANDIT in regular Intruders gear. Bringing up the rear is EDDIE MAYFIELD, hopping along on crutches, dressed for the ring with the CSWA Presidential title belt around his waist and the ever-present Camel in the grill. They get to the ring and all start filing in; BANDIT snatches the mic from RHUBARB JONES and hands it over to MAYFIELD, who of course, obliges.)
BB: And great, we get treated to Eddie Mayfield's mouth here on Prime... um.. iTV, and I can't wait to see him get his face kicked in later tonight!
SB: JUDAS! Let the man speak! He IS our President, for crying out loud - where's your national pride?
MAYFIELD: (Hopping around the ring on his crutches, as the other Intruders mill around in the ring, either posing, swatting away trash being tossed at the ring, or jawing at the crowd) GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... AND WELCOME... TO... EYE.. TEE-VEE! (LOUD boos, as MAYFIELD smiles, pausing and enjoying a few puffs) Yeah yeah -- I know you love it. If you didn't know, my name is 'Hot Property' EDDIE MAYFIELD, and I am your acting CSWA President. Some sadsack named Triple X tried to tell me that I was lame for THINKING that I was President here... but hey - who's banner is hanging from the rafters right now? (CUTTO: The rafters, and MAYFIELDS smirking visage - and boos from the crowd!) You're (BLEEEEP!) right - it ain't his. It's (points at self) MINE, and my boys behind me. This is the Intruders, and we RUN THIS (BLEEEEP!) TOWN. (MORE Boos! CUTTO: A crowd of fans all bowing in respect!)
BB: I think I'm going to be sick.
SB: Shush! You're interrupting!
MAYFIELD: And with that said, let's break some stuff down for you cats. (Paces around the ring) TONIGHT, is a night that will live in infamy. Because this is the night that the Intruders cement themselves as the Alpha-Males of CSWA - when Myself, the Strongest Arms in the World, GUNS, and my man “Cocky” Craig Miles step between the ropes and DESTROY Casper the Cajun Ghost, Not So Super Powers and Triple Sec. With THAT, you will understand that the I's do indeed, as I told you (BLEEEEP!) time and time again - HAVE IT. And when either mine, Craig or GUNS' hand is raised after we thwart Merritt’s lame little angle to divide us... we march into CSWA 15, and on the fifteenth anniversary of this sorry-assed league, we will BRING IT TO IT'S KNEES WHEN WE CRIPPLE DAN RYAN AND CAPTURE THE CSWA WORLD TITLE! He did this to my (BLEEEP!) leg, and I'm gonna make him pay the best way I know how - with BLOODY, VIOLENT revenge. I –
(Loud boos! MAYFIELD looks up) Oh, did I say something wrong? Yeah - I know it... you people out in these seats don't know about how REAL villains get down. Those doods in the back don't know what it's like to get hit over the head with a sack of quick-concrete, or to get thrown through a plate-glass window. You people don't APPRECIATE what a real Heel looks like. Well guess what? Tonight, I'm gonna HEEL MY ASS OFF.
SB: (V/O) He's shooting!
BB: (V/O) Hush!
MAYFIELD: You see - I got to hear about this same (BLEEP!) over and over again - (Turns to GUNS) No offense, bro - but DAMN, Randalls put a stake through his knee like 20 YEARS AGO - what ELSE have ya'll done LATELY? (GUNS says something we don't pick up on the mics) You see, Eddie Mayfield isn't a complicated man. I just wanna come to work, punch in, do my thing and go home.
But the powers that be - (Points up to the skybox) want to reap the rewards of having A-List talent like myself on their show - but they don't wanna LET ME DO MY JOB EFFECTIVELY. What's that? Well you saw a sampling when we put YOUR world Champion, Dan Ryan through the ringer and got his fat ass up for a Powerbomb outta the ring and through a table, and you wanted to riot. You can't HANDLE the Heels, CSWA, and I'm gonna flip on you tonight. Dan Ryan - I'm sorry this has to fall on your head, but my man - you HAVE to go down. You look at this cast - you think I can't make my way to you at Anniversary with a busted leg? WATCH ME. See, on EYE TEE-VEE, the Intruders TEE CEE BEE - that means Take Care of Business, for all of you pieces of trash out there. Tonight is my birthday, and OH MAN, what a Happy Birthday it's gonna be when I... (Blinks) when ONE OF US wins this tag match tonight. (PI steps up and asks for the mic) What's up Pi-san? Word? Ok here...
BB: And now we're subjected to MORE Intruders trash - as Pi has asked for the mic!
SB: You show some respect! Pi has held titles all over the world! He's nobody's flunky!
PI: Eddie my man... You know we go way back down the road... you and me - ORIGINAL Intruders, right? Crotch Choppin' all day and leavin' the ladies in the wet spots all night.... (EDDIE nods, smiling) well hold up - I couldn't let this night go by without saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my buddy... in Intruder fashion... So before we get outta here... Eddie - Happy Birthday!
(CUTTO: The rampway, where CATHERINE WINDHAM comes out, dressed in platform high heels and a trenchcoat, pushing a cart with a huge birthday cake on it! The crowd boos as she makes her way down the isle, smiling ear to ear!)
SB: Hey, I want a piece of that!
BB: I don't want any of their damned cake!
SB: Who was talking about the cake, Buckley!?
BB: Catherine Windham - The first cousin of the wrestling Windham family, who is now in with the disgusting Intruders, just to get back at Troy if I'm not mistaken, has just come out here with a birthday cake for Eddie Mayfield! Catherine is wearing a trenchcoat, and I have NO idea what they're up to now... The other members help her into the ring with the cake and McGee rolls out and grabs a chair, and now they've set the cart up in the middle of the ring and look at Eddie... he's welling up!
MAYFIELD: (With hand on heart) FOR ME?! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!
PI: (Leaning into the mic) You like that - peep THIS! Take a seat. (MAYFIELD sits down in front of the cake) Hit it!
(On cue, the lights drop low and a spotlight hits! CATHERINE drops her trenchcoat and steps out of it - wearing sexy white lace and vinyl lingerie, with the Intruders logo on the back of her panties, and the crowd goes WILD! (CUTTO: MAYFIELD, whose eyes bug out like the wolf in those old Tex Avery cartoons!)
CATHERINE: (Snatching the mic from PI) This is for you, Eddie.... (Singing, and cooing) "Happy... BIRTHDAY... Mister President... (Crowd starts raining down boos as CATHERINE serenades him!)
BB: OH COME ON! THIS IS DISGUSTING!
SB: SPEAK FOR YOURSELF! THIS IS AWESOME!
BB: Catherine Windham ... I've known her since she was a little girl, and look at her - WHORING herself out to Eddie Mayfield and this band of thugs! I don't believe my eyes! Catherine finishing up her little song and dance number, and ... OH COME ON! (MUSIC UP: It Takes 2' by Rob Base and EZ ROCK, and the crowd can't deal!) CATHERINE JUST MOUNTED EDDIE MAYFIELD, AND IS GIVING HIM A LAPDANCE! RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!
SB: I LOVE THESE GUYS!
BB: The rest of the Intruders are cheering her on, and look at Shamon, he's pulled out a wad of ones and is sticking them down her garter belt! What the hell - we have FAMILIES WATCHING THIS SHOW! I apologize to anybody that may be offended by this ridiculous display! Catherine finishes her dance number, and now EDDIE! (CUTTO: CLOSEUP: MAYFIELD, hair all messed up, with lipstick all over his face!) At least HE'S enjoying himself! Jeez - somebody END this segment!
MAYFIELD: (gets the mic from PI) Hey you guys... you're the best.... thanks a lot. (Someone yells 'Blow out the candles!') Yeah... All of you guys, I love you the most... I'm gonna close my eyes and make a wish, and when I blow out these candles, I know it'll come true... Man, I'm choked up.... OK... (Eddie closes his eyes - the only thing making light is the spotlight and the candles in the middle of the ring. He blows out the candles, and the room goes dark!)
MAYFIELD: (In darkness) Ok you guys, turn the lights back on. (Crowd EXPLODES as the lights come back on...)
BB: LOOK OUT! IT'S DAN RYAN! IT'S DAN RYAN! HE'S STANDING RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING IN FRONT OF MAYFIELD! (The crowd is ON FIRE, stomping, screaming as Ryan stands there with a bloody bandage taped to his forehead.)
SB: HE DIDN'T WISH FOR THAT! I KNOW HE DIDN'T WISH FOR THAT!
BB: MAYFIELD JUST LOOKED UP AND FELL OUTTA HIS SEAT! HE'S SCOOTING BACKWARDS TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM DAN RYAN! RYAN STALKING AND EDDIE JUST FLIPPED OVER AND IS TRYING TO CRAWL UNDER THE BOTTOM ROPE! HE CAN'T MOVE TOO WELL WITH THAT BROKEN LEG!
SB: CRAWL, EDDIE, CRAWL!
BB: Bandit grabs Catherine and leaves the ring! Miles leaps out! Here comes Pi to the rescue! OH MAN! PI VAULTS TO THE TOP ROPE - SPINKICK TO RYAN! Ryan doesn't go down, but he's rocking! Shamon comes in, and he lays in some chops, (CHEERS!) NO! Ryan with a boot to the gut of Shamon! Ryan off the ropes BIG BOOT TO THE GRILL! Shamon goes spinning! Mayfield gets pulled outta the ring by Miles, and GUNS just takes his time leaving the ring... he's not scared at all! Pi giving orders, and he runs at RyanNNNN BOG BOOT FOR PI! PI rolls under the ropes! Mike McGee in the corner, and he's slapping that briefcase against the mat - loading it! Ryan's back is turned - he's screaming down at Mayfield on the floor... Here comes Mike Mcgee! He ... (BOOOOS from the crowd from a weak-as-hell shot with his briefcase!) uh...McGee not making much of an impact... (MCGEE turns to the crowd, and he's celebrating, like he did something great!) Ryan turns around slowly... and McGee is oblivious!
SB: I don't think McGee is gonna make it to the next Fiscal year...
BB: McGee turns around (CROWD POP!) McGee is face to chest with Ryan, and he's begging off! Ryan looks around, and OH! Boot to the gut! McGee doubled over... and Ryan STUFFS McGee between the thighs with authority!
MAYFIELD: (At ringside with a mic) HEY! HEY RYAN... WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? YOU CAN'T INTERRUPT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY! THIS IS MY SHOW! Hey... put him down! He's diabetic!
BB: Ryan looks over, and nods, and OH MAN! HE JUST FLIPPED HIM UP INTO A POWERBOMB POSITION... HE HIKES HIM UP ANOTHER LEVEL... HUMILITY BOMB! HUMILITY BOMB RIGHT INTO AND THROUGH EDDIES BIRTHDAY CAKE! That cake EXPLODED, and so did McGee! OH MAN! (Crowd is marking out, chanting "RYE-UHN! RYE-UHN! RYE-UHN!") McGee is frosted, and he's Out COLD!
MAYFIELD: (Getting dragged up the aisle) NO! NOT MY CAKE! MY BEAUTIFUL CAKE! YOU (BLEEEEEP!) I'm gonna get you for that! NOOOOOOOOoooooooo...
SB: You know, there is that old adage about a cake on a wrestling show… I mean, I love Eddie, but did he really expect to get a taste… of the cake, that is.
BB: The Intruders high tail it for the locker room as Miles flicks his cigarette at Ryan, and pulls McGee out of the ring by his pants legs, and he's covered in cake, and bleeding... they're all making their way to the back, leaving Ryan alone in the ring! (ZERO by Smashing Pumpkins plays as RYAN hits the ropes and calls for Eddie to come back and get a piece! RYAN orders a mic and one is handed to him)
RYAN: (Breathing) Eddie Mayfield - to take from the guy that's gonna whip your ass tonight in that tag match - your (BLEEEP!) party is OVER. (Cheers!) You want a shot at me and my CSWA World Title? Brother, you make it past Southern and those other guys, and we'll SETTLE THIS THE OLD FASHIONED WAY AT CSWA FIFTEEN... (More cheers! CUTTO: MAYFIELD, turning red!) But I don't think you got the BALLS to make it that far. Mayfield, I already broke your leg - it's a matter of time before I break something else, (BLEEP!)
SB: Dan Ryan is a party crasher! There's nothing worse!
BB: Eddie Mayfield is outta control, and Dan Ryan is just ANOTHER person in the line who's sick of it! This could all be coming to a very nasty head soon! We'll be right back with the signing of Hornet and Tom Adler!
(FADEOUT as RYAN stomps around the ring, as the crowd cheers and calls his name!)
BB: We'll be back with the contract signing!
Contract Signing: Hornet/Adler
(Cut to the ring. We find Rudy Seitzer standing along side a table with three chairs surrounding it.)
RS: Fans, we’re still waiting to hear the final lineup for CSWA ANNIVERSARY 2003: CSWA15, and to find out tonight what the Main Event for the CSWA World Championship will be. But one match already announced has already been causing quite a bit of buzz around the CSWA. It is the match for the United States Heavyweight Championship!
(Some of the crowd starts chanting “Hornet! Hornet! Hornet!”)
RS: At this time, please welcome the man who will oversee the contract signing for this historic event. He is the owner and President of the CSWA. Please welcome Chad… Merritt!!
(Merritt appears through the curtain and is greeted with a huge round of boos. Merritt power-walks to the ring, ignoring the reception. He climbs into the ring, shaking Seitzer’s hand as he takes a standing position at the head of the table.)
RS: Now, please welcome the participants of the match we’re about to o-fish-ally ink for CSWA15.
(CUEUP: “Like The Sun” by I Mother Earth)
RS: He is a former Unified Heavyweight Champion of the World. He is a FOUR TIME CSWA United States Champion in his own right. The challenger.… HORNET!
(Hornet appears through the curtain to an round of cheers. He’s dressed in street clothes… a golf shirt with a CSWA logo and khakis. Hornet steps into the ring and makes his way to the corner where he mounts the middle turnbuckle and gestures to the crowd… to the approval of most. He climbs down and shakes Seitzer’s hand then proceeds to walk around the ring before coming face to face with Merritt. Merritt slowly extends his hand to Hornet who simply stares into Merritt’s eyes and takes a seat on the right side of the table.)
RS: Now, ladies and gentlemen…
(CUEUP: “Revillusion” by Tantric)
He’s a former Unified World Heavyweight Champion himself. He is the two-time and DEFENDING United States Heavyweight Champion… Tom… ADLER!!!!
(Adler appears through the curtain. He pauses for a moment as Maxwell Diamond makes his way through and proceeds toward the ring to a mixed reaction from the crowd. Adler’s dressed in a suit and tie, as is Diamond, who’s looking very Governor Ventura-ish these days. Adler’s carrying a Haliburton briefcase in one hand and the US Championship belt in the other. He hands off the briefcase to Diamond as he nears the ring. Adler climbs the steps as Diamond circles around on the floor to the far side of the ring. Adler walks directly to the center of the ropes, climbs up onto the middle one and holds his arms crossed over his head in the trademark Diamond X-Change fashion… the US Title belt dangling down alongside. Adler walks past Rudy, brushing Merritt off as he circles around to the left side of the table and takes a seat. Diamond climbs into the ring and takes a position standing behind him.)
(Merritt and Diamond shoot a few cross glances at each other before Merritt takes the microphone from Seitzer, who steps outside to the ringside area.)
MERRITT: It was a couple of months ago, I guess, that I first started receiving contracts across my desk for Anniversary. And, I admit that it still amazes even me that it’s been fifteen years since the CSWA first opened its doors. And, the fact is, that whether you love or hate me, you’ve gotta admit… it’s been one hell of a ride.
(Fans start chanting “CS! CS! CS!”)
MERRITT: And then, I got to thinking about all the incredible matches that have taken place over those 15 years. This company has been fortunate enough to have the greatest athletes in the history of this industry come through our doors. But, of all of the wrestlers who have come and gone in this sport… I think there are only a small handful who really can be considered worthy of a term that, quite frankly, gets tossed around far too loosely in this industry… and that’s “Legend”. And we’ve been blessed to have them wrestle not only against the very best this industry had to offer… but against each other as well. And, it’s something that I don’t think anybody ever grows tired of. Because you know that no matter how many times Mike Randalls wrestles GUNS… or Troy Windham steps into the ring with Eli Flair… you know it’s destined to be something for the ages.
But then, I started thinking. There are two men who are in this company right now. Two men who epitomize the word “Legend.” But, even though they’ve been in the ring together a couple of times before, you kind of had the impression that you’d really just seen the tip of the iceberg. That, no matter how great what you saw was… you know they were capable of more than we’ve had the opportunity to see. Well, at CSWA15, we’re gonna get more. A lot more, as we see HORNET square off against TOM ADLER for the United States Heavyweight Championship!
Now, gentlemen, if you’d sign the contract, we can make this official!
RS: It’s been eight years since these two men last met in the ring, Bill!
BB: Whose fault is that, Rudy? Adler has put the blame on Merritt and Hornet, while Hornet has said he doesn’t know anything about it.
RS: There’s plenty of blame to go around I’m sure, Bill. But the time for placing blame is at an end. The fans have waited a long time for this one! Hornet and Adler staring directly at each other.
BB: I don’t think they’ve taken their eyes off one another since they sat down, Rudy.
RS: Neither man trusts the other, Billy, but both men want this match. Hornet finally looks over the contract. He’s flipping through the pages rather intently.
BB: He should really read that thing. No telling what Merritt put in it.
RS: Hornet’s flipping through to the last page now. He finishes glancing over the contract… and he signs it!
BB: He seems pretty determined, Rudy.
RS: He does indeed. Hornet slides the contract over to Adler who’s still staring at the former champion. Adler finally leans forward and starts to read through the contract. Maxwell Diamond looking over his shoulder intently. Why he’s here is anybody’s guess, Billy.
BB: Well, like the man or not, Rudy, he IS Adler’s advisor. He has a right to examine the contracts.
RS: Diamond pointing out a few clauses in the contract to Adler and appears to be pleased with what he’s reading. Adler nods his head and continues reading. Looks like he’s about to the end of it, Billy… we appear to me moments away from making this thing official.
BB: About time.
RS: Adler has the pen and he sign… no… oh come on… Adler just clicked the pen and sat it on the table.
BB: Looks like the mind games have begun already, Rudy.
RS: Adler’s a master of ‘em, there’s no doubt about that. Let’s listen to what the champion has to say.
ADLER: You know… a couple of weeks back there were some comments made about why somebody like myself would ask for this match. And, make no mistake, despite the political posturing of some, I AM the one who asked for this.
I have to admit I find all the speculation fascinating. I mean… I may be a lot of things, but complicated isn’t one of them. Long before guys like Shane Douglas were RE-inventing the shoot interview, I was pissing people off by being far too candid far too often. Somehow, what I think always seems to find its way into whatever I’m doing.
But since you feel the need to question it, Hornet, I’ll answer it for you. As much as I really DO NOT like you, I have never denied that I do respect you. At least, what you used to be, anyway. And, quite frankly, it makes me sick to think about what you’ve become. Or worse yet, how we’ve ALL got to suffer right along with you because certain people can’t get over their infatuations long enough to see what you’re doing to this federation.
RS: Merritt didn’t like that comment at all, Billy.
BB: You think?!
ADLER: A few months ago, this man (motioning to Diamond) stood in the ring and told the CSWA that it had a choice. That it better either stand behind us and actually have a chance of doing something… or not, and watch while they fell.
Merritt, here, chose the alternative, and gave you a world title shot at a pay per view. And what did Merritt… what did the CSWA get for that? A no-show from you and a wrestler from ANOTHER federation walking around with this company’s flagship title… just like we said would happen.
Ya see, Hornet, it may or may not be your fault that Windham isn’t the World Champion… but it IS your fault that Dan Ryan is. Because once too often THIS MAN (motioning to Merritt) put all his eggs in one basket. And he slighted the people who for the last year and a half have been carrying this company in the process.
So, the why is simple, Hornet. You OWE us. You owe me and every other wrestler in the back that got shoved aside because the all mighty “Franchise” of the CSWA just might deliver if we give him enough chances. You’re in this ring right now because he’s giving you yet another one. A shot at the US Title… not because you’ve held it four times… but because Merritt here prays to God that you can succeed where guys like Triple X, Evan Aho and Shane Southern haven’t.
Now, Merritt… As much as I would love to sit here and blame you for all of this, I can’t. Because whether I like it or not, I do understand your perspective. I understand it because men like Gary Pedersen and Kevin Schmid had the same perspective with me.
But, the fact remains, Hornet, that you’ve been given opportunity after opportunity… and you’ve squandered each and every one of ‘em
You OWE it to us to either BE the “Franchise” or get the HELL out of the way. Well, at CSWA15, you WILL be that “Franchise.” You WILL get your head back in this game. Because I’m gonna do what nobody else around here seems to be able to. Give you a reason to do it.
Because whether you or anybody else wants to admit it, I’m the one man in this company that makes you better. I’m the one man that makes your heart skip a beat or two at the notion of wrestling. I’m the one man who will not let job security and politics push me to cater to a legend.
And you can sit there and deny it all you want, Hornet, but that’s exactly what’s been going on around here for far too long.
If ANY of us had done half the you’ve done around here for the last year and a half, our careers would be buried so deep H.G. Wells couldn’t have fathomed it.
Well, Hornet, right now, there are an awful lot of guys… huddled up in little corners in the back… watching their monitors with baited breath waiting for me to sign this contract. Because even though not one of ‘em has enough balls to admit it, they know the ONLY shot they’ve got of having a future is if I do what I say I’m gonna do. Because this company will DIE waiting for you to snap out of your funk if I don’t.
(As Adler finishes, Hornet stares him down across the table and starts to give him a golf clap. He glances at Merritt and Diamond as he picks up a microphone from the table.)
HORNET: I’ll keep this brief, Tom, since you just wasted about five minutes of TV time. I’ve gone to the ends of the earth for this company and for myself. I’ve never asked for anything more than my fair share. I never asked to be the “Franchise” for this or any other company… I only asked to be the best I could be.
But I’ll tell you the same thing I’ve told people here in the CSWA, or over in the NFW, or back in the WWR, or anywhere else I’ve been. If you have a problem and want to take my “spot,” then shut up and do it. So far, nobody’s been up to the challenge, except myself.
If I hadn’t snapped out of my ‘funk,’ as you call it, it wouldn’t have killed this company, Tom, it would’ve killed ME. So excuse me when I tell you, Chad, and the fans in this building that while I apologize for what happened at BATTLE of the BELTS, I’m through feeling sorry for it. I did what I had to do to take care of myself, and I don’t regret that for one minute.
Dan Ryan’s not the CSWA Champion because of me, he is because he beat Mark Windham, and because he’s one of the best wrestlers in the world. Funny, I know, to hear it from someone that took the best cheap shot he had to offer, right?
But I’ve taken some of your cheap shots too, Tom. I’ve listened to you claim I didn’t beat you in the early rounds of the IRONMAN that created the Unified Championship. I’ve heard you claim how I couldn’t have held titles in leagues like the AAWC, although I did. And all your flapping about your being the one man that ‘makes me better’ is complete, unadulterated bull. I’m the one that drives myself, that makes me better. It’s my hopes, my dreams, my work ethic that keep me going, not you, not Mark Windham, not Chad Merritt, not Poison Ivy, or anyone else.
But here’s the question I’m dying to ask, Tommyboy. I know you’re using all this, and me, to step back into the spotlight. But what else are you working to get out of this deal?
ADLER: (Laughing) Well, yeah, I guess that since it seems I’m the only one around here with something to lose, I oughta get SOMETHING out of this.
Now, whether people like me or not, one thing they have to admit is that I don’t make a habit out of asking for things I don’t deserve. And this I’ve earned.
You see, I really only want two things outta this. And neither of ‘em is unreasonable.
The first? Since it seems that for the last year or so about ninety percent of my matches have been booked without even consulting me… no matter who wins this match, I want the right to sign three matches for the Diamond X-Change. Three matches… against anybody we want. Anywhere we want. And whatever stipulations we want. The first of which I’ll tell you now. We want the Diamond Cutters against Wildstar and Tsunami at CSWA15.
I think that’s more than reasonable.
MERRITT: You said you wanted two things. What’s the second?
ADLER: The other thing I want is, unfortunately, the one thing this can’t give me.
RS: Adler just threw the contract onto the mat! Merritt’s having a fit!
BB: Diamond doesn’t look too thrilled either, Rudy. Adler just rejected the contract he helped negotiate.
RS: Adler’s motioning to a visibly disturbed Maxwell Diamond for that briefcase.
BB: No telling what he’s got in there.
RS: Adler’s opening it up… we can’t quite make out what all’s in there... but he’s pulling out something that looks to be another contract.
ADLER: Ya see… I want the bragging rights that’s gonna come along with beating you at CSWA15. But, there’s a little catch to that. Victories over the elite around here… myself included… far too often tend to ring a little hollow. There’s always a reason. There’s always some little disclaimer that gets tacked on the end.
If all I wanted was a victory of you, I would’ve taken the NFW up on its offer to wrestle you in the Ultratitle Tournament and not concerned myself with any of this. If you wanna talk about the last temptation of Christ THAT was it.
But that wouldn’t have accomplished anything. There’s always been an excuse. I was always hurt… or didn’t care. A tag match didn’t matter… or you didn’t care about a battle royal. If I’d wrestled you in that match and won, you and I both know that Buckley and every other person who’s supported you over the years would be giving you a pass because you weren’t prepared for the match. And they’d be right.
No. You and I have been playing this little cat and mouse game for far too long. We’ve always teased each other and everyone else with the notion of finding out who was best but we’ve never delivered on it. Well, at CSWA15, Hornet, you and I are gonna deliver. No count outs. No Disqualifications. No excuses.
Oh… and since it seems that there are always people who wanna stick their noses in our business… just like during your interview a couple of On Times ago , there’s just one more little thing. Chad Merritt’s personal guarantee that if anybody interferes in this match they’re suspended, without pay, for one year.
RS: Adler’s sliding that contract over towards Hornet.
BB: The question is now, Rudy, will he sign it. His head hasn’t really been in the game lately. This may not be an atmosphere he’s prepared to compete in at the moment.
RS: Issues or not, Billy, Hornet’s a warrior. He’s never been one to back away from a challenge.
BB: He no-showed BATTLE of the BELTS, Rudy. It’s not beyond him to walk away from this one.
RS: Point well taken, Bill. Hornet looking at Adler completely poker faced. He glances down at the contract and starts to flip through it. Now he’s staring down Adler again.
HORNET: No excuses, Tom? You’re starting to sound like one of my old friends. Look, I’ve already agreed to this match… and considering I’m not the one who walks around with an entourage of goons behind me, I’m not concerned about the interference clause. But since you can ask for the moon, I think I’ll throw in one request of my own. When I pin you and win the United States Championship for an unprecedented fifth time, our friend Chad over here is going to owe me one match of my choice as well. Isn’t that right, Chad?
RS: Hornet looks over at Merritt, who isn’t happy at all about the turn of events in this one. He nods his head shortly, and Hornet turns back to the contract. He finishes looking over the contract… and he’s signed it! This crowd is going nuts! The question is now, Billy… will Adler sign it? He’s played more mind games around here than anybody. He may have put that contract out there thinking Hornet wouldn’t sign it.
BB: Adler may be an opportunist and a manipulator… but he wants this match, Rudy. He could have taken the easy way out and signed the other contract if he didn’t.
RS: Hornet slides the contract over toward Adler who’s been just as poker faced since he gave Hornet the contract. Adler cracks a little smile then starts to flip through the contract. He stops at the last page, he’s still staring at Hornet. Adler’s got the pen… he signed it!
BB: We’ve got a match!
RS: Adler tosses the contract to Merritt who grabs it and simply shakes his head while walking away.
BB: This may not be over quite yet, Rudy!
RS: Adler and Hornet both getting up and walking around the near side of the table toward each other. They’re staring eye to eye… Whoa! There’s a shock!
BB: Great show of sportsmanship from Adler, Rudy, you have to admit that.
RS: Adler extends his hand to Hornet who’s just now realized it. Hornet staring at Adler, understandably reluctant to take his hand… but he does it!
BB: Adler’s been a class act through out this whole thing, Rudy. Give the man some credit.
RS: I can’t deny it, Billy. Adler turning toward Diamond…
BB: Huh oh!
RS: Hornet holds onto Adler’s hand and yanks him back to a face to face position.
BB: This could get hot real quick.
RS: Hornet mutters something to Adler away from the microphones and Adler responds in kind. Hornet releases his hand and both men turn toward their respective sides of the rin… OH!!!
BB: OK, so much for sportsmanship.
RS: Adler turned and just LEVELED Hornet with a clubbing forearm from behind. Adler pulls Hornet up and catches him with a big right han.. no.. blocked! Adler swings again and it’s blocked again by Hornet who lays in a right hand of his own. Hornet grabs Adler… Irish whip.. REVERSAL by Adler. Adler with a clothesline. Hornet ducks underneath and LEVELS Diamond with a clothesline of his own that takes the CEO of the Diamond X-Change up and over the top rope to the arena floor!
BB: What’s he doing?. Diamond didn’t do a thing to Hornet!
RS: Hornet’s making sure of it. Adler back over and leveled with right hand for his efforts. Hornet shoves Adler into the corner and mounts the second turnbuckle.
BB: Adler isn’t dressed for this, Rudy! And Hornet’s got a match against the Greensboro champ coming up in just a little bit!
RS: Adler should have thought about that before he took the cheap shot! Hornet’s laying the right hands into the head of Adler! Hornet hops down and grabs Adler as he staggers out of the corner. Hornet whips Adler to the far corner. Adler goes chest first into the turnbuckle! Hornet charging… he leaps… Hornet Splash… NO!!!
BB: Adler moved!
RS: Adler moved out of the way and Hornet hit HARD into that corner! Hornet turns and staggers out of the corner… Adler…
BB: Holy Parsons!
RS: Adler caught Hornet with a drop toe hold as he came staggering out of that corner and drove him face first into that steel briefcase that was sitting on the table!
BB: I think Hornet’s busted open, Rudy!
RS: If we can get a camera shot on Hornet’s fa… oh, yeah, he is. Adler, now, over on top of Hornet. He’s laying rights into the already bloodied forehead of Hornet. He’s saying something to him, Billy.
BB: He’s asking him if his head is in the game yet!
RS: And Adler nails him with a couple more rapid fire shots … and ANOTHER right hand. Adler now.. reaching into his jacket pocket for something. Come on… the man’s practically defenseless in there. Adler getting right down in Hornet’s face… he’s saying something we can’t quite make out. What’s he got in his hand, Bil… oh, come on!
BB: Pain pills!
RS: Adler just dumped a bottle of what looks to be some kind of pills all over the face of Hornet and FINALLY gets up.
BB: Here comes Diamond!
RS: Maxwell Diamond charges into the ring and runs toward Hornet… and Adler stopped him! I don’t understand this at all!
ADLER: No! He’s mine… and he’s had enough!
RS: Adler grabs the US Title belt off of the table and holds it over his head in the X-Change manner again and starts to climb out of the ring. Billy, you can bet that Hornet is going to have a response to all of this.
ADLER: Adler said he was gonna force Hornet to care about him and their match. I’d say he delivered on that tonight!
RS: Adler may live to regret it. We’ve gotta get out of this. We’ve got Steel Viper taking on one of the Intruders… NEXT!
Bandit on the Prowl - Part 1
(FADEIN: The hallways of the United Center. BANDIT is doing his best to lurk in the shadows between two pillars, a tough job considering he's a tough fit at seven-plus feet. He's wearing his Harley Davidson/Secret Service outfit, black shades, earpiece and holding a walkie-talkie.)
BANDIT: Okay, he's out and alone. You've got five minutes to get by the North corridor, his charge isn't with him.
(SFX: Walkie-Talkie static)
V/O: You're sure?
BANDIT: Of course, I'm sure.
V/O: Don't give me lip (bleep!)ole. You're the one that (bleep!)ed this up in the first place. I
shouldn't have to be doing this. You realize how many stitches I got cause of your dumb (bleep!) mistake?
BANDIT: You're right, I'm sorry.
V/O: Damn right, you play the role when I get there in 5 minutes - no questions asked. I'm out, stay off the channel.
(SFX: Walkie-Talkie static)
BANDIT: (turning down his walkie-talkie) What a hardass.
(CUTTO: KEVIN POWERS sitting in his dressing room playing Solitaire. He's suited in his red/black ring attire, an empty six pack of Corona on his table. SFX: Door knock)
POWERS: (looking over curiously) Who is it?
(POWERS gets up with a suspicious look on his face, he grabs a chair as he walks to the door.)
POWERS: (while opening the door) You think I'm gonna believe th--
(POWERS looks curiously on the floor at a note...he picks it up and read it.)
POWERS: You're invited to attend an open-bar event celebrating donations to two special urban city children by the CSWA in Room 305.
(CLOSEUP: POWERS nodding and smirking...)
Open bar. NICE.
BB: Folks, we've already seen Ryan and Windham get out of control in the hallways of the United Center. We've seen Hornet and Adler get out of control quick as Adler did one of the most despicable things I've ever seen in this sport. The Intruders look like they're about to take things over the edge with Melton and Powers. And now we've got a man who's ready to get out of control with The Intruders themselves.
SB: So basically you're saying that the CSWA is one huge powder keg waiting for match?
BB: Not exactly. But there are some situations that are already burning.
(CUEUP: "Beat It" by Michael Jackson (The Shamon Remix)
BB: It's The Intruders favorite flunkie, Shamon!
SB: I dunno. Maybe we should do a CSWAwrestling.com poll to see who the favorite flunkie really is. Shamon? Pi? "Middle Management" Mike McGee?
BB: The man from Mo-town whose claim to fame is winning a 1999 Fox Hills Mall Michael Jackson look-a-like contest is on his way to the ring, stopping every five feet or so to give us a moonwalk or crotch grab.
SB: So you're saying he disturbs you even more than I do?
BB: No doubt about that.
(As Shamon launches into a "Thriller"-like routine halfway down the ramp, the crowd explodes. Shamon thinks it's because of his performance and stops to tell the crowd "I love you," but instead, he turns and realizes, to his horror, that it's because Steel Viper is running down the ramp!)
BB: It's Viper! CLOTHESLINE! He just upended Shamon and put him down on his FACE!
SB: Wow...that'll knock the child molestation right outta ya.
BB: Sammy! Steel Viper pulls Shamon to his feet and literally throws him down the ramp into the ring apron! Shamon scrambles to his feet and rolls into the ring, trying to get away, but Viper grabs his ankle and drops him to the mat. The former Presidential Champ rolls into the ring and takes an elbow from Shamon. Shamon follows up with a heel kick and another elbow, but Viper shrugs them off! And now Shamon is BEGGING Viper to stay away from him!
SB: This has got to be some sort of revenge for all those 12-year old boys out there.
BB: Shamon backs into the corner, and Viper follows in with a huge shoulder, then backdrops Shamon into the middle of the ring. SPEAR by Viper!! He could've pinned him right there, but Steel Viper's just standing over him with a slight smirk on his face. He wants to see him suffer!
SB: More importantly, he wants to send a message to President Eddie Mayfield.
BB: Shamon's refusing to get up. He's curled up in a ball! Viper delivers a few kicks, but Shamon has gone fetal. He's done. I don't think referee Ben Worthington knows what to do!
SB: He oughta start kicking him like Viper.
BB: Steel Viper stands motionless for a second, then strikes, grabbing Shamon's ankle and putting him in an ankle lock!!! And almost immediately, Shamon is hammering on the mat, tapping out.
SB: He's squealing like a pig, good grief.
BB: Worthington has called for the bell, and now he's trying to convince Viper to break the hold.
(CUEUP: The sirens of the INTRUDER ALERT! start blaring.)
BB: Uh oh! Viper drops Shamon's ankle and faces CSWAvision, looking for the rest of the Intruders to make their move, but there's no sign of them. Now, Viper's headed out of the ring and up the ramp.
SB: I guess if they won't come to him, he'll go get 'em. That's gonna be a huge mistake for Snakeboy.
BB: I don't know. I'm waiting for us to cut backstage and see Mayfield escape in a limo!
(CUTTO: The hallways of the United Center, as the camera follows Steel Viper down the corridor, egged on by the crowd chanting his name outside in the arena. As Viper comes around a corner, he stops. The camera pulls back to show 'Middle Management' MIKE McGEE standing there, holding his briefcase and looking smarmy.)
MCGEE: (Flinching) WAIT - WAIT! DON’T HIT ME! Listen, Viper - I know you don’t want to hear anything I’ve got to say, but what I do know is that you want to get your hands around the neck of my client, and YOUR PRESIDENT (Crowd smart-pops) Eddie Mayfield, as soon as possible. Am I correct in assuming this? (CUTTO: VIPER, vibrating with rage!) Well… that’s what I thought
VIPER: (Looking cautious, then shoots his arm out like a shot, gripping up MCGEE!) Don’t waste my (BLEEEEEEP!) time, little man! Where is Mayfield? Is he out here? (Throws MCGEE aside and stomps out into the hallway, kicking over things you’d find in hallways) MAYFIELD! (Turns over a stack of boxes) DON’T GET YOUR LACKEYS TO DO YOUR WORK - COME OUT HERE AND GET YOUR ASS BEAT LIKE A MA-
(SFX: SOUND OF GLASS SHATTERING! Crowd watching on the monitor screams!)
SB: LOOK! IT’S THE PRESIDENT DOING HIS PRESIDENTIAL DUTY!
BB: LOOK OUT! Eddie Mayfield just appeared out of nowhere and blasted Steel Viper over the head from behind with a industrial-size box of fluorescent light tubes! There’s dust and glass particles flying everywhere, and Viper is down, holding his head! Eddie Mayfield is hopping around on his one good leg, and he’s laughing, shaking a Camel out of the pack and lighting it up! Here comes McGee, Shamon and Pi, who appear and start gang-kicking him! They’re mugging the Steel Viper, and as far as I’m concerned, the man who may very well be the number one contender to Mayfield’s Presidential Title!
SB: YEAH! Kill him! I never liked him anyway!
BB: Eddie Mayfield, hopping around trying not to put weight on his broken leg, just sneak attacked Steel Viper, and the Intruder Goons are kicking and stomping away on him, not allowing him to get to his feet! Eddie Mayfield now in front of Viper, taunting him with the Presidential title around his waist as his minions hold Viper’s bloody face up so he can see clearly! I don’t know what Mayfield’s problem is - he must ENJOY making enemies - Lord knows he’s got enough of them, and Steel Viper is as dangerous as they come! What… Mayfield - UGH! He just took a long drag and blew smoke right in the man’s face! Viper struggling to get up, and WOAH! (Crowd SCREAMS!) VIPER JUST BROKE LOOSE HE JUST BROKE OUT LIKE PRIEST HOLMES UP THE GUT! SPEAR INTO MAYFIELD! SPEAR! EDDIE GOES SLIDING ACROSS THE HALLWAY FLOOR! VIPER ON TOP OF HIM AND HE’S TRYING TO MAKE HIM EAT THAT CIGARETTE! Mayfield trying to get away, but Viper has locked his legs around Mayfield’s back, and is beating the crap outta him with vicious cross-face palm strikes!
SB: HELP! Get help for Eddie! He’s trying to assassinate the President!
BB: Viper is ripping Mayfield’s suit off as he tries to get away! OH! Pi out of nowhere with a VICIOUS SPINKICK that knocks Viper clear! Viper getting to his feet, and Mayfield crawling away, and VIPER LUNGES! VIPERS GOT EDDIE BY THE CAST! THAT LEG IS BROKEN! ANKLE LOCK! ANKLE LOCK! HE’S TRYING TO RIP EDDIE’S LEG OUTTA THE SOCKET! (QUICK CUTTO: VIPER roaring like a beast, wrenching on MAYFIELD’S leg cast!) Eddie screaming and slapping the floor - there’s no tapouts, Mayfield! You’re getting what you deserve!
BB: Mayfield slapping away on the floor, but Viper pulls harder! Pi McGee and Shamon are trying to pull Viper away, but they’re not succeeding! Eddie is feeling around on the ground… he’s got a pushbroom, and he grabs it and swivels enough to crack it over Viper’s head! Viper lets go and Eddie scoots across the floor, trying to get up, grabbing on anything to support his weight! The other Intruders grappling with Viper, and WATCHOUT! MAYFIELD HOBBLES OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A CLEAR PLASTIC GROCERY BAG AND HE’S GOT IT OVER VIPER’S HEAD CHOKING HIM DOWN! VIPER GASPING FOR AIR, AND EDDIE’S TRYING TO ASPHYXIATE HIM! HE’S TRYING TO KILL HIM! LOOKIT THE EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE!
SB: The man just tried to break his leg off - fair is fair, Buckley!
BB: Mayfield choking him down, and he’s barking orders at his group, and they race off, and McGee and Pi reappear with a utility basket! Mayfield screaming down at Viper, and OH! MAYFIELD DROPS THAT CAST ACROSS VIPERS NECK! Mayfield rolling around in pain, but he’s smiling at the damage! He’s telling his crew to dump Viper in the basket!
SB: Take out the trash, Intruders!
BB: The Intruders are shoving the unconscious Steel Viper into that hamper as Mayfield gets to his feet. Eddie grabs Viper by the hair and SLAPS HIS FACE! What a piece of crap! He orders his people to send him off, and Pi, McGee and Shamon start pushing the cart down the hall! (Camera follows behind them!) They’re gaining speed, and OH! Oh… oh NO…
SB: Oh (BLEEEP!)
BB: THE INTRUDERS JUST LAUNCHED STEEL VIPER OFF OF THE LOADING DOCK TEN FEET DOWN TO THE STREET! THAT CART EXPLODED ON IMPACT, AND VIPER BOUNCED ACROSS THE CONCRETE! HE’S HURT! I DON’T BELIEVE WHAT WE JUST SAW!
SB: Man, first they Manhandled Ryan, now this…
BB: Steel Viper is not moving… I… I’ve never seen anything like this in CSWA. We’re not hardcore freaks.. this has nothing to do with wrestling… This man has a family… Eddie… Eddie Mayfield… you… you… He can’t get away with things like this…
(CUTTO: A worm’s eye shot of PI, MCGEE and SHAMON looking over the ledge, down in the camera’s direction, all quiet and muttering to themselves like they just committed a crime! MAYFIELD hops over, pushes through them and looks down, smiling! He takes a huge drag off of his Camel and flicks it down onto the dock floor, near VIPER’S body.)
SHAMON: (Nervous) hey... hey man... he's not moving.
MAYFIELD: (In an Ivan Drago Voice) If he dies... he dies. (Snorts) Hand me my crutches and let's get outta here.
(BOOS from the crowd watching on the big screen as the assailants walk away!)
BB: THAT MAN HAS NO REMORSE! EDDIE MAYFIELD IS A DEMON! Somebody arrest him!
(FADE to commercial)
BB: Fans, we're back here on PRIMETIME, and I apologize for what you saw before the break.
SB: Why, Buckley? Because Steel Viper showed that he's an idiot, and The Intruders confirmed it?
BB: No, because they crossed the line, just like Tom Adler did earlier tonight. Let's head down to Rhubarb.
(CUEUP: "Like The Sun" by Mother Earth)
Hornet came out to the ring with bloody gauze taped to his head, thanks to the sneak attack by Tom Adler earlier in the night. Jean Rabesque joined him in the ring to the sounds of "Shapes of Things" by the Jeff Healy Band, with the Greensboro Title over his shoulder. Referee Patrick Young called for the bell to start the non-title bout.
Rabesque went after the bloody Hornet early, rocking the larger man and taking him off his feet with punches followed by a quick lariat. In just moments, the Greensboro Champ has a sleeper hooked in down on the mat, trying to cut the oxygen flow to the legend's brain.
Hornet reached the ropes and Young called for the break. Rabesque got to his feet quickly, setting Hornet up for a Fisherman's suplex and a quick two-count. Hornet powered out, catching Rabesque with a kick to the stomach as he got to his feet. A quick DDT put the smaller man on the mat, allowing Hornet to drop an elbow to the head and follow up with a brainbuster that got him a quick one-count.
Hornet continued to work over Rabesque, wearing him down with a full nelson. After just over a minute in the hold, Hornet seemed to launch into action, trying to put Rabesque away quickly. He followed up with a high knee, then a massive clothesline off the ropes. A quick elbow from the second rope led to a two-count, followed by a quick inside cradle that got two as well. Rabesque rolled through, then rolled outside, taking a quick 'time out,' and leaving Hornet inside the ring, breathing heavy.
Buckley and Benson commented on the fresh blood oozing from the bandage on Hornet's head, as well as the possible effects of the pills Adler forced on him. Both the combatants in the ring seemed less concerned. As Rabesque climbed onto the apron, Hornet caught him with the high knee again, sending him falling throat-first into the outside barricade. Hornet rolled outside, whipping the Greensboro Champ off the barricade and back-first into the ring apron before rolling him back inside.
Before Hornet could go for a cover, Rabesque quickly caught him with a thumb in the eye, blinding the former CSWA World Champ, and allowed Jean to hit him with a running bulldog and hook the leg for a one-count. Still trying to recover his vision, Hornet stepped right into another suplex attempt by Rabesque, but was able to hook his leg around Jean's, blocking the move. Instead, he caught Rabesque with an elbow to the side of the head and sent him across the ring into the far corner as the crowd exploded.
Hornet stepped into the opposite corner, trying to catch his breath, then ran towards Rabesque's corner, launching himself into the air and hitting the familiar Hornet splash, bouncing off of Rabesque and pushing him to the mat by the back of his head. Hornet stepped in to go for the Scorpion deathlock, but seemed completely gassed. After several deep breaths, he went to grab Rabesque's legs, only to get a boot to the face by the Greensboro Champ.
Rabesque powered to his feet, trying to hook the leg for a Northern Lights suplex, but Hornet once again blocked, sending Rabesque back-first into the corner. Hornet charged in with an elbow, but got another boot to the face for his trouble, followed by a huge Tornado DDT that left him on the mat. Rabesque quickly went to the second rope, dropping an elbow on Hornet's chest, and hooking the leg as quickly as possible. Worthington counted the one-two-three, giving Rabesque the huge win, and Hornet the loss, heading into his match against US Champ Tom Adler at CSWA15.
Bandit on the Prowl - Part 2
(CUTTO: POWERS leaving his room, jogging down the hallway)
(CUTTO: Back to BANDIT.)
V/O: Like candy from a baby. How much time we got?
BANDIT: (quickly looking to his side and nodding) Thirty seconds.
(CUTTO: CALVIN CARLTON strutting down the hallway...)
CARLTON: Owwwww! She's a brick----house
She's the one, the only one,
Who's built like a amazon
We're together everybody knows,
And here's how the story goes.
(CARLTON spins, does a split with a quick nip-up and continues strutting 70's style...pointing to nobody in general.)
She knows she got everything
A woman needs to get a man, yeah.
How can she use, the things she use
36-24-36, what a winning hand!
Owwww! She's a br----
(BANDIT steps right in front of CARLTON...)
CARLTON: Oh (BLEEP!).
(CARLTON turns around as BANDIT grabs him by the shoulder, he tries running away - but of course only succeeds running in place...)
V/O: Calvin, Calvin, Calvin...
(CARLTON stops running, his head hangs low)
V/O: You knew I was coming, don't be so surprised...get him where nobody can see.
(CUTTO: CARLTON, bloody-lipped getting slammed against the shelves in a janitor closet! CARLTON tries to squirm out, but BANDIT throws him against the shelves and holds him there. He turns on a switch putting on a light bulb hanging from the ceiling...)
V/O: I don't think your momma would approve of this, Cal.
(CUTTO: CARLTON's eyes go wide...)
CARLTON: No, anything but that...
(CUTTO: 'COCKY' CRAIG MILES holding a Chicago Cubs duffel-bag walks into the room, smoking a Newport - just barely dangling from his lips...)
MILES: Well, you haven't exactly been employee of the week have you? (BANDIT grabs CARLTON's throat) Or have you forgotten exactly who you work for? Who gave you your dream job? Who gave you your dream MANAGER role...you were workin' nothin', but Arkansas
cockfights before I MADE you. Lift him up...
(BANDIT lifts CARLTON up by the throat three feet off the ground - his legs start flailing, he's spitting, choking - what once was funny now looks downright wrong as CARLTON really looks like he's fearing for his life...)
MILES: (in CAL's face) I gave you everything, Cal. I gave you the spotlight. I gave you the South. I gave you Joey. And you help TAKE from me? You knew what that would mean. Do you honestly think you're protected? Melton will sell you out faster than he sold out his own family.
CARLTON: I-i-i can't breathe! I'm sorry! I'll do anything, just don't hurt me.
MILES: What about me Cal? What about the blood I had to spill 'cause you forgot who your duties are to? No, I think maybe the world...maybe even your MOMMA should find out just what you've done...
CARLTON: (while hacking and spitting) NO! NO! I can't go back home! NO! Please don't Mr. Miles. Please don't!
MILES: Give me your cell phone.
CARLTON: (drool bubbles forming at his mouth, weakly
shaking his head) ...
MILES: You want to end up in a hospital or are you going to give me the phone...
CARLTON: (tears start streaming down his face) Please don't call her, I'll do anything...
MILES: You're damn right you'll do anything, cause that was OUR deal from the start.
CARLTON: (spitting, sobbing - just a horrifying site for such a lovable guy) I'm sorry. I'M SORRRRY! PLEASE DON'T. PLLLLEEEEEEEEASE.
MILES: I'm not going to call her, Cal. Contrary to what you're thinking right now, I like you. Which pocket?
CARLTON: (coughing) l-l-left.
MILES: (reaches in and pulls out the cell phone) Drop him.
(BANDIT drops CARLTON in a heap, but blasts his boot into his chest and uses it to hold a hysterical CARLTON against the shelves.)
BANDIT: You're pathetic.
MILES: Shut up. Its your fault he's even here right now.
(CARLTON smirks, which makes BANDIT growl - CAL goes back to hysterical.)
MILES: It’s ringing. Give me the tape.
V/O: Hello, Choshu Central!
(BANDIT hands MILES a pocket tape recorder...he clicks it and holds it to the receiver)
TAPE: (eerily similar to POISON IVY's) Joey? (MILES stops the tape)
MELTON (V/O over the phone) Oh my god, it's you! IVY! I'm so glad you called.
TAPE: I want to see you. Soon. (MILES stops the tape)
MELTON: YES! (suave voice) Why I mean, yes. Where? When?
TAPE: Room 305. In 5 minutes. ALONE.
(MILES stops the tape. CARLTON tries to scream, but BANDIT shoves his boot over his face...)
MELTON: You got it babe, you won't regret this! Hey, you wouldn't happen to know where Mike is...
TAPE: (while MILES slits his eyes in curiousity) In 5 minutes. ALONE.
MELTON: Ok, (BLEEP!). Well, I hope I have lady luck on my side tonight.
(MILES just nods weirdly, and flips the phone off. He reaches into the Chicago Cubs duffel bag and pulls out a UNIFIED WORLD TAG TITLE BELT. He tosses it to BANDIT.)
MILES: Get this to McGee and that briefcase. I'll see you there in 10. (BANDIT nods and growls at CARLTON who flinches, he almost starts crying again) Cal...you're showin' me to the promise land.
(CUTTO: JOEY MELTON storming into a room holding a bottle of champagne, he drops the bottle to the floor and it breaks all over the place. CUTTO: KEVIN POWERS sitting on a keg pouring beer out of the tap into his mouth...)
MELTON: What are YOU doing here?
POWERS: Open bar, why?
MELTON: Did Ivy come in here?
POWERS: What are you kidding? She's not even in the building.
MELTON: Oh (BLEEP!).
(MELTON turns around, but before he can do anything the door closes behind him and locks.)
(The room's audio starts playing VOODOO CHILE by Ben Harper, a disco ball drops from the ceiling and starts spinning. The curtains on the wall are pulled back - CUTTO: A gigantic wall-sized poster of GUNS standing behind CRAIG MILES and EDDIE MAYFIELD holding the
Unified Tag Titles grinning. Underneath the words, WRESTLETHON '03 - Thank you for your Donations! These two wonderful souls finally have back what's RIGHTFULLY theirs.)
(CUTTO: The hallway - a keg being thrown through a door, MELTON and POWERS running out! POWERS looks behind at the keg in hesitance...)
MELTON: We'll come back for it!
(POWERS sighs and jogs away)
(CUTTO: JOEY MELTON's dressing room - CALVIN CARLTON shivering in a fetal position on the floor...MELTON runs in!)
MELTON: (BLEEP!) They've been here too!
(CARLTON leaps to his feet)
(CARLTON engulfs MELTON in a child-like bearhug as POWERS walks in with a sneer...)
CARLTON: Oh how I've missed you.
MELTON: (his lips pursing, his nose smelling something awful) Cal, why is my leg getting wet?
(CARLTON backs ...he had an accident. POWERS lifts up his Cubs bag and notices it dripping...he looks at CARLTON, looks at his bag and looks back at CARLTON ENRAGED.)
CARLTON: (backpedaling) Wait, I know what this looks like...that was MILES! That wasn't me!
(POWERS chases CARLTON out of the dressing room as MELTON sits on the bench depressed.)
MELTON: I guess it works out. I would've needed some of Mikey's pills for that hellcat.
(The camera cuts to CSWA Owner Chad Merritt backstage, sitting on a folding chair in an empty cinderblock room.)
Merritt: You know, I have to say, even I have enjoyed Intruders TV this week. I mean, can you beat a handful of bumbling fools degrading women, outsmarting imbeciles and getting outsmarted by the World Champion? Gotta love it. But I'll save my surprises for them for just a few.
Fans, you're not going to like what I've got to say. In fact, there are only two men in the building who are going to be more upset. If you saw ON TIME in Greensboro, you saw me issue Mark Windham the biggest fine in CSWA history, and also warn both he and Ryan about their last foray into the fans.
Tonight, while no one was hurt, the feud between the CSWA World Champion and Windham crossed the line the again, after I specifically warned them not to. Fans in this arena could have been seriously injured because two men couldn't let common sense reign over their nagging hatred.
And that's why I'm cancelling tonight's World Championship match. (He pauses as the noise of the crowd booing can be heard even through the walls, like bees trying to burrow through the cinderblock.)
We've still got a huge Main Event for you. It just means that one half of the equation for ANNIVERSARY is complete. Dan Ryan will walk in as the World Champion, and one of the six men in our final match tonight will go in as the challenger.
Dan Ryan goes in as the incumbent, but it will be against either one of the Intruders, or one of their opponents. There's GUNS, a former World Champion in his own right. Eddie Mayfield, the Presidential Champion, and dare I say it, the brains behind the operation. Craig Miles... do I even need to say anything about what Miles is willing to do to get what he wants? But only one of them can come out with a shot at the World Title.
And on the other side there Kevin Powers. Some say he's the best CSWA wrestler never to hold the big gold belt, others say he's the biggest choker ever to get close. "Triple X" Sean Stevens. The man who waited to get into the CSWA for two years, and has spent most of the last two defending Ivy's honor. Noble, but where does it leave him now? And Shane Southern. The journeyman turned superstar. Former US Champ. And the biggest target of The Intruders, other than yours truly.
But speaking one last time of the Intruders... specifically of The Professionals. Miles, Mayfield, I hope, for your sakes, that one of you wins the shot tonight. Because whether you do or not, I think I've got a couple of surprises of my own for you at CSWA15, just to thank you for all your hard work with iTV, of course.
I don't know. Maybe it'll be putting Mayfield and the Presidential Title up on the line against someone.
(He stops as the crowd chants "VIPER! VIPER!")
Or maybe you'll have to do double duty and defend the Unified World Tag Team Titles against a team of my choosing. Maybe I could find a couple of guys around here who aren't too happy with you. Or maybe I could reach into the past and bring a certain team out of retirement.
(He pauses again as the crowd erupts and chants "CS EXPRESS!")
Who knows... maybe I'll find some of the folks you've wronged over the past months and throw them all in the ring against you. I just like to keep you on your toes, guys, just to return the favor.
Anyway, folks, let's head back to your regularly scheduled PRIMETIME. We're just moments away from the "There Can Be Only One" match. For the entire CSWA15 lineup, be sure to log onto CSWAwrestling.com. See you in Greensboro.
(FADE to commercial)
CSWA World Championship Rematch
Dan Ryan vs.
"The Living Legend" Mark Windham
(As the show returns from commercial and the audience panned, it’s obvious that a small group are chanting for a refund. Of course, it’s been years since Merritt had to worry about that, ever since “Card Subject to Change” was added to each ticket. As the “RE-FUND” chant starts to pick up with more of the audience, a man steps out from behind the curtain with no fanfare.)
SB: Look out, Buckley. Here comes the freak parade.
BB: Sammy! Leave my wife and ki—oh. Oh no!
(Mark Windham, oblivious to debris fired in disapproval, storms down the aisleway to the ring.)
SB: (shocked) Oh hey it’s Mark Windham. Follow suit Cowboy, the Missus and her oddities are seated ten paces to my left.
(Windham steps into the ring, met by ring announcer Rhubarb Jones. He grab the microphone out of his hand and pushes him away, almost sending Jones through the ropes.)
SB: Well what do you call them? Two beings each seemingly a cross between and elephant and a rhino...well, you call them sons, but elephinoes is the correct answer.
BB: Curse the evil blood flowing through your veins!!
SB: Get it? ELEPHINO?
(Camera on Windham)
WINDHAM: No no no no. You don’t get off that easy, Merritt. You created this monster, and you must deal with it. You’re the one that craves more. I’m not up for foreplay, Chad. We’re not going to string this along until the jackpot grows double in size. We’re doing this match now!
MERRITT: Last I checked the taxes were paid by me, Mark Windham. No one else. The match is off. Don’t like it? Ask me if I care. I’ve asked you for 15 years to control that temper...but this time...it’s gone too far.
(Fans react favorably to Merritt standing up to Windham.)
WINDHAM: Please. I’ve paid for your last three paternity suits with ‘too far.’ Now get the hell out of here, waddle back to your office and pay those taxes. I want Ryan out here to pay his debt as well!
(Windham walks to the side of the ring facing CSWAvision, then across the ropes and talks to the big screen.)
WINDHAM: RYAN! I just put this dance back on schedule. Let’s start the music!
(Crowd begins chant of “Ryan! Ryan! Ryan!”)
MERRITT: (Chad rushes to Mark) No! I tell you when the leash comes off, you freak! This match WILL NOT HAPPEN! Period!
WINDHAM: RYAN! Listen to our public, Dan. They want us. They want you to pay. You owe me. You owe your personal Jesus.
(CSWAvision comes on. Ryan sitting in a easy chair in his locker room with an odd peace about him. He’s smirking. It’s too easy to take Windham now. No, he won’t be goaded tonight.)
MERRITT: This is not for the title! Mark, I won’t tell you again!
WINDHAM: (seethes at the sight of Ryan.) Danny...come. It’s time for you to be saved.
(Ryan shakes his head. He’s not coming. He’s got a remote control in hand, clicks a button and the picture goes black.)
WINDHAM: You know I’ll come get you! Is that what you want? Is it?!
(Fans cheer wildly.)
(Windham starts to step through the ropes, but Merritt grabs a hold of him.)
WINDHAM: Back off, boy. (Mark thumps Chad in the head with the microphone.)
(Chad staggers for a brief second, embarrassed, then smacks Windham in the back of the head.)
(Windham stops cold in disbelief.)
BB: Mark! NO!
(Windham grabs Merritt by his necktie, and knees him in the gut.)
SB: He’ll be fined for that assuredly, but the boys in the back will pay it for him.
BB: Sammy, now’s not the time...Windham rams Merritt’s head into the turnbuckle, whips him across the ropes, I can’t believe I’m seeing this, LARIAT!!
(Crowd stands in stunned silence.)
SB: I speak the truth, Buckley, and you know it. Windham can rack up the game points now. He’s playing with free money. Me?
(Windham sits over Merritt, pounding on his face.)
SB: I find this act utterly unprofessional.
BB: Mark Windham is over the line. This is disgusting!
(Windham takes off Chad’s leather belt, holds it for the angry mob to see, and begins whipping Chad with it.)
SB: Hey...they’re your kids. Who’s to say the ugly gene is momma’s. It’s a safe bet, sure...but.
BB: Windham is whipping Merritt like a dog...
SB: You’re a journalist...give us the scoop, Buckley. What’s Merritt feeling right now?
(Windham tosses to the belt aside and picks up Chad. He folds Chad’s left arm behind his back, lifts him up, and belly-to-back suplexes Merritt on his left arm.)
BB: Please...this is too much. Yes Sammy! That animal took out his frustrations on me earlier this year! As he did Ivy, as he...
(Crowd goes nuts as Windham positions Merritt for a piledriver.)
SB: Odd reaction to a potential life threatening move. Good grief, does this poor man have any friends?
BB: That’s not what they’re yelling about, Sammy!!
(Through the crowd, Eli Flair steps over the security railing and crawls into the ring, singapore cane in hand.)
BB: IT’S ELI FLAIR! We haven’t seen Flair since Anaheim...(SFX: WHACK) FLAIR CRACKS WINDHAM OVER THE HEAD WITH IVY’S CANE! He retired!!
(Windham loses his grip on Merritt. Eli cracks the cane over Mark’s head again and Windham drops to his knees.)
BB: We haven’t seen Eli Flair since...forever and a day! And he’s never been more welcome than he is now!
SB: We haven’t seen a lot of folk in forever and a day, in case you haven’t noticed Buckley, our production is about as sporadic as new Maury themes.
(Eli slips the cane against Windham’s throat and pulls up from behind him.)
BB: Flair’s choking the life right out of the former World Champ! Give it to him Eli! Give that damn man what he deserves! The former World Champion is choking the… other former World Champion!
(The United Center is shaking with excitement. Those who wouldn’t stand for Merritt and giving it up for The King Of Extreme, as usual.)
SB: Easy Buckley. You’re supposed to be impartial. Or am I the only true professional here?
(Outside the ring, a medical team carts Merritt to the back.)
BB: Eli’s nearly choked Windham out, Mark’s to his knees, gasping for air! He’s out Sammy!
(Eli releases the hold. He’s not here to be an entertainer. It’s personal business tonight. And Flair’s cleaning up good.)
SB: For your sake I hope all record of this broadcast is buried some velvet underground lair in Merritt’s office. If Windham gets wind of your deathfest...your kids will be applying for a new neglectful daddy online.
(Tombstone piledriver by Flair.)
(Eli throws something onto the mat.)
BB: Eli Flair’s taken a measure of revenge! After what Windham did to Ivy in Anaheim it’s not enough! What he did to me, to Merritt!
SB: Stop fishing for a Emmy, or a Lifetime Network contract okay! Geez, you’re so pathetic.
BB: Eli’s sprinkled something...Sammy those are tacks! He’s taking Windham to the top rope!
SB: Oh sure, NOW there’s concern in your voice.
BB: Eli Flair...CHOKESLAMS WINDHAM ONTO A HANDFUL OF TACTS! A marked return by Eli Flair! Sammy, you better believe tonight was for Poison Ivy!
SB: Every night is for Ivy, at the Benson household, if you catch my drift.
(Eli steps over the top rope, pauses on the outside of the apron, looking back at a bloodied Windham, then leaps to the floor.)
BB: Windham’s beaten, broken...and I love it!! For too long has that man haunted this company! For too long have we all walked on eggshells out of fear of what he’d do next! No more!
(Shot on Eli leaving the arena, oblivious of the crowd.)
SB: Once again, pray the film from tonight is burned or buried.
BB: Flair headed out, and we need to take a ---
(Shot of Windham in the middle of the ring, bloodied.)
BB: We’ll be right----
(Lights go out)
SB: We’re dark...Buckley.
BB: Are we on?
SB: Buckley something just flew over my head...
BB: Are we---
(lights come back on)
BB: We apologize for the--
SB: Good grief.
(CUTTO: Shot on center of ring. Windham is gone. And there’s a bigger stain of blood where he was lying.)
BB: Mark Windham has...
SB: Disappeared from ringside.
(CUTTO: Backstage. Eli is almost out of the arena, when the lights go off.)
(After ten seconds, the lights come back on. There’s a bigger bloodstain where Windham was, but Mark’s body isn’t there. He’s gone. Eli looks stunned. This wasn’t his work.)
BB: I have no idea what to say. Folks, we’ll be right back with the Main Event.
'There Can Be Only One'
Elimination Tag Match
GUNS, Craig Miles, Eddie Mayfield
Kevin Powers, Shane Southern, Triple X
To Determine the Challenger to the World Title at CSWA15
BB: I don’t know what else could possibly happen here tonight, but I’m afraid we’re about to find out.
SB: Can we get a camera in the back and see if Hornet’s licking painkillers off the floor yet?
RJ: (from the ring) Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is tonight’s MAIN EVENT to determine the top contender for the CSWA World Championship at CSWA ANNIVERSARY 2003. It is an elimination tag match, with all six men competing in teams until one man remains. If an entire team is eliminated, the match continues between the remaining contestants. There can be… ONLY ONE! (Crowd pops, even at the lame Highlander redux)
SB: What? I’m just concerned that the man might be off the wagon. Maybe we should call Narcotics Anonymous and get some druggies down here to drag him off to a crackhouse or something.
(CUEUP: The sirens of the Intruders Alert, followed by “Ride of the Valkyries.”)
SB: And speaking of filled with illegal substances…
RJ: First for The Intruders, he hails from San Antonio, Texas and stands at five-feet-eleven inches and three hundred sixty-five pounds. He is a former CSWA World Champion, a former Enterprise World Champion, and a former Greensboro Heavyweight Champion. He’s the owner of THIRD ROW INC. with the STRONGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD…. This is…. GUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSS!!!!
SB: Must have the strongest needle in the world to get through the leather that is that…
BB: Don’t even do it. The crowd is voicing its disapproval of GUNS, but as always, he’s intensely focused, staring directly at the ring as he stalks down the aisle.
(CUEUP: “Till I Collapse” by Eminem)
RJ: Coming to the ring at six-feet-two inches, two hundred thirty-nine pounds, from Orlando, Florida. He is a former CSWA Presidential Champion, the BLUE-EYED BADASS, he is… “TRIPLE X” SEANNNNN STEVENNNNNSSS!
(The crowd gets to his feet at Triple X steps through the curtain in his black and blue tights. He turns, showing ‘X’ on his back and shaking out his wet hair. He turns back around, eyeing the ring, and GUNS in it. As he slides inside, he ignores GUNS, heading to a turnbuckle and lifting his arms to play to the crowd.)
SB: Where’s he got Ivy hidden, in his boots?
BB: Good grief, Sammy. Just once, just ONCE, can’t you shut up?
(CUEUP: Intruder Alert. Then “When The Levee Breaks” by Led Zeppelin.)
RJ: Representing the West Coast and the Intruders, he is one half of The Professionals. From Seattle, WA, at six-foot-three and two hundred forty-five pounds, he is one of the UNIFIED WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS. “COCKYYYYYYYY” CRAIGGGGGGG MILESSSSSSSSS!!!
SB: The Pros are in the….
BB: If you do it, I’m cutting you off.
SB: What do you mean?
BB: No more beer.
SB: You wouldn’t.
BB: Try me.
(CUEUP: “(Can’t You) Trip Like I Do” by Filter and the Crystal Method)
RJ: From Chi-town, Chicago, Illinois, he is a former two-time Unified Tag Team Champion as well as a former CSWA United States Heavyweight Champion. At six-feet-ten inches and three hundred twelve pounds, he is larger than life.. .he is…. “GOOD GOD” KEVIN POWWWWWWWWWWWWWWERSSSSSSSS!
SB: It’s everybody’s second favorite lush in the house.
BB: Like I said, no more beer.
SB: It’s not funny. Seriously.
(CUEUP: The INTRUDER ALERT one more time, followed by “Voodoo Chile” covered by Ben Harper)
RJ: Coming to the ring at six-feet-one inch, two hundred fifty pounds, hailing from Jacksonville, Florida, he is the current CSWA Presidential Champion and the Intruders’ PRESIDENT, he is, “HOT PROPERTY” EDDDDDDDDIE MAYYYYYYYYYYFIELDDDDDD!
SB: Hail to the Chief!
BB: The ‘President’ is limping down to the ring, thanks to that cast on his right leg. He’s obviously going to be a huge target in this one.
RJ: And the final competitor in this match to determine who goes to the CSWA ANNIVERSARY 2003 Main Event…
(CUEUP: “Ain’t Goin’ Down” by Garth Brooks as the crowd gets to its feet.)
RJ: Standing at six-feet-three inches and two hundred sixty five pounds, he hails from the Big Easy, New Orleans, Louisiana. He is a former Greensboro Champion and a former United States Champion… he is… SHANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE SOUTHERNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
(The view cuts to a camera pulling back to show the arena with the ring centered as the six men prepare. The Intruders stay on the outside, apparently receiving a final peptalk from Mayfield, while inside, Shane Southern bounces off the ropes as Kevin Powers appears to be addressing Southern and Triple X.)
(CUTTO: A shot of Benson and Buckley at the ringside table.)
BB: Fans, the bell is about to ring for this one… this may be as big a match as we’ve seen in quite a while. Not only are there a number of stories playing between these six men, but Chad Merritt made this more than a CSWA versus The Intruders match…. A shot at the World Championship at the CSWA’s biggest stage is on the line. And that means that at some point, teams get thrown out the window.
SB: Apparently you haven’t been paying attention tonight, Buckley. Tonight… it’s all about Eddie.
BB: Eddy? Or Eddie?
SB: That hurts, Buckley. That really hurts. No, I’m serious. Haven’t you seen Eddie reassert his position in The Intruders? And now, he’s about to show that he’s ready to Main Event ANNIVERSARY.
(CUTTO: The ring. The bell rings.)
BB: There’s the bell. And wrestling fans, this Main Event… is underway. It looks like Kevin Powers is going to start for his team…and, wait a second, GUNS got ready to step in, but it looks like Mayfield is saying that he’s going to start!
SB: I don’t think Eddie trusts GUNS’ judgment against Powers. Plus, wasn’t Powers mostly responsible for that hard cast on Eddie’s leg?
BB: Powers has a huge grin on his face as the Presidential Champ makes his way into the ring. He steps forward as if to charge, but quickly pulls back up to his full six-foot-ten, laughing. Mayfield steps forward as if to call for a test of strength, then takes a step back.
SB: We already know Eddie’s not dumb. Not Powers on the other hand… it’s an easy mathematical formula: multiply the number of drinks against the number of women, then divide by whether there’s a title on the line…
BB: Powers charges in with the shoulder, knocking Eddie into the ropes. Mayfield comes off with a double-fisted hammer, but Powers catches him and almost throws him across the ring with an unorthodox belly-to-belly. He didn’t even scoop him up, he just threw him across the ring. The ‘President’ lands unceremoniously on his backside in a neutral corner.
SB: That’s no worse than when Bush 41 threw up all over that Japanese guy.
BB: Mayfield’s slow getting up due to the cast, and that allows Powers to get to him first. He grabs either side of Eddie’s head and flings him into the center of the ring, then STOMPS on that cast, causing Eddie to yell and clutch that cast-covered leg.
SB: That should be a disqualification right there!
SB: You can’t target an injured man like that!
BB: If he’s that injured, why’s he in the ring?
SB: That doesn’t matter!
BB: Alright, Sammy. Powers grabs that right leg and drags Mayfield towards the pro-CSWA corner, cutting off any escape Eddie might have. He takes that huge boot and puts it right on Eddie’s throat, releasing it only before referee Patrick Young gets to the five-count. Powers stands up and steps to the center of the ring as Mayfield uses the center of the ropes to try and pull himself to his feet. Mayfield charges…Powers catches him! TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER!
SB: Good grief.
BB: Powers with a quick cover for the elimination! ONE…..TWO….NO! Powers gets that casted leg over the bottom rope and Young sees it. Powers again grabs him by the head and pulls him away from the ropes, then quickly drops a leg over Mayfield’s throat. Another quick cover! ONE……..NO! Mayfield gets the shoulder up, and then quickly thumbs Powers in the eye! Both men to their feet, but Powers is blinded. Mayfield reaches up and grabs a handful of ‘Good God’s’ hair, RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP! And now Mayfield drops his own leg right on top of Powers’ head!!! And Patrick Young is warning him about using that cast as a weapon!
SB: Hold on…Powers can stomp on it to attack Eddie, but Eddie can’t use it to defend himself?
BB: It’s a foreign object, Sammy. A very hard, illegal object.
SB: It’s just an extension of his leg! He can’t help it!
BB: Yeah, would you say the same thing if Powers had a barbwire-covered baseball bat as an ‘extension’ of his arm? Mayfield is to his feet, and now he’s trying to walk-hop to get the tag. Powers shaking off the cast shot reaches out and catches Eddie’s foot, tripping him up, but as Eddie falls, he slaps palms with GUNS!!! And now the Strongest Arms In The World are entering the ring!
SB: It’s the Lush versus Roidman in a classic matchup!
BB: You’re so wrong. Powers takes a step back, but then CHARGES knocking GUNS into his own corner. And now Powers is getting hammered by Miles and Mayfield, but he quickly pulls back! Nobody was expecting that! Powers twists his head to check back with his team… LOOK OUT! Now it’s GUNS who comes charging…dropping Kevin Powers with a shoulderblock. And now these two are all over each other on the mat, trading punches in an all out fistfight!
SB: I told ya…classic.
BB: Patrick Young is trying to break the two up, but he actually gets pushed away from the melee and ends up in a neutral corner on his behind! GUNS is up on his feet, quick anklelock! Powers grabs the ropes, but Young is still trying to get his legs under him. GUNS yanks the big man toward the center of the ring and keeps the hold on him!
SB: Just shows that the Freak still has some brain cells that haven’t been blown up by roids.
BB: Kevin Powers once again trying to claw his way to the ropes before the pain causes him to tap. The official is out of the corner and getting into position as GUNS yells at him to ask Powers if he wants to give. “Good God” shakes his head vigorously as he continues to try and escape the Strongest Arms in the World.
SB: I wonder if you could create some sort of clone out of all the alcohol and artificial hormones those two have ingested between them.
BB: I thought that’s how we got stuck with you. Powers is just a finger’s length away from getting to the ropes, and Young is watching closely as GUNS continues to try and pull the 6’10” big man away from that bottom rope. He’s got it!!! Young calls for the break, but GUNS refuses. Young starts the five-count, and GUNS doesn’t let go until he after he hits four.
SB: Why do they even bother doing that? Is the idiot ref really going to DQ him at five?
BB: If he wants to keep his job, probably. Otherwise, they could just ignore the ref altogether.
SB: Don’t they do that anyway?
BB: Powers has his hands wrapped around the top rope trying to pull himself up on that hurting right ankle, but GUNS quickly charges in with a sliding dropkick to the ankle.
SB: That’s gotta hurt. And good news for GUNS, since he didn’t have to actually get off the ground. I think it’s the only way he can do a dropkick.
BB: You’d be surprised. I bet if we put you in there with him he’d pull out a picture-perfect one.
SB: Yeah, sure. More likely he could get up and do a buttbuster if I had a syringe in my teeth.
BB: You’re a mean little man.
SB: Don’t I know it.
BB: Powers still hanging onto the ropes as GUNS drives a shoulder right into his gut. Now GUNS grabs hold of those long legs of Powers and pulls, forcing KP to let go and go for the ride. His head hits hard on the mat, and GUNS quickly goes for a cover, hooking the leg. He only gets one before Powers rolls the left shoulder over. GUNS to his feet, he quickly heads to the ropes and climbs to the middle turnbuckle.
SB: You don’t usually see Stakeboy go aerial.
BB: True enough, but he’s waiting as Powers slowly gets to his feet. FLYING SHOULDERBLOCK!!! He catches a glancing blow on Powers, whose ankle gave out and took him out of position! GUNS hits the mat harder than he expected, but he still quickly rolls up and to his feet. He charges Kevin again, but Powers is able to maneuver on his knees and catch GUNS right under the chin with a big elbow!! GUNS stays on his feet, but Powers grabs him underneath the chin and pushes up with his left foot…Rock Bottom!
SB: It shows you how big Powers really is when he can hit an elbow from his knees and be just a couple of inches from taking GUNS’ head off.
BB: Powers is waiting for GUNS to get to his feet…it looks like he’s setting up for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker if he can get it. GUNS up…but he aims a boot right to that injured ankle, and Powers goes to a knee. GUNS quickly to his corner, and now “Cocky” Craig Miles is climbing into the ring.
SB: Mayfield doesn’t look too thrilled that there are still three men across the ring from him at this point in the match.
BB: Miles gets in and fakes a boot to Powers’ right ankle only to deliver an uppercut to the chin, knocking Powers into the corner. He follows with a series of rapid fire jabs, keeping Powers in the corner, then delivers a big elbow to the gut, knocking the wind out of the big man. Craig pulls him out of the corner and knocks him to the mat, following with an elbow drop to the chest, then quickly jumps to the second rope.
SB: I know it’s hard for a guy that usually has to fight nicotine fits [b]and[/b] ADD, but when ya see this man focused, it’s something else.
BB: The tag team veteran waits for Powers to start to get to his feet and jumps off, catching Powers with a swinging neckbreaker from the second rope!!! Cover! ONE……… TWO…… NO!!! Powers uses those big arms to send Miles flying!
SB: Big arms? Big legs? Are you starting to get sweet for “Good God,” Buckley?
BB: It’s been a few minutes so I’ll say again: Sammy, you’re an idiot. Miles drops another quick elbow, and another, and another!!! Powers is still on the mat, and once again Miles heads to the ropes, this time to the top rope. He wastes no time! TOP ROPE ELBOW…. NO!!! Powers got most of his body out of the way, taking another glancing blow to the knee. He kicks Miles away and starts heading for his corner. Craig grabs hold of the big man’s hurt ankle, but Powers is too tall… he tags in Triple X!!! (The crowd screams as the hot tag is made.) Stevens leaps to the top rope and dives almost in one motion, catching Miles with a flying clothesline that knocks him down hard near the ropes.
SB: “Triple X” and “Cocky” in the ring at the same time…seems like a match made in some seedy adult theatre, doesn’t it?
BB: Powers rolls outside to try and get some rest on that ankle while Trip pulls Miles up and drops him back down with a belly-to-belly suplex. These two are well-matched, with an only an inch in height and a few pounds difference between them.
SB: Do you ever wonder what else you could remember if you didn’t have all those heights and weights memorized?
BB: Both men up quickly… DROPKICK by Triple X, and Miles gets sent THROUGH the ropes!!! He hits those thin mats outside hard. But it doesn’t look like Trip is going to sit back and wait for him. SWAN DIVE OVER THE TOP!!! And he NAILS Miles, sending both men into that metal barricade.
SB: Why do the fans always reach over to touch the guys like that when they’re half dead? Is it repressed homosexuality or just stupidity?
BB: If I could count the number of times folks asked that last question about you…
SB: That’s not funny.
BB: Incredible move by Trip, but he may have made a tactical mistake… he’s closer to the Intruders corner outside than he is his own. But Mayfield and GUNS are staying up on the apron as they watch the action. Stevens is up first. He pulls Miles up and delivers a dropkick that sends him over the barricade and into the front two rows! A security guard quickly moves in to clear the fans out as Triple X starts to climb over the barricade to get to Miles!
SB: It never ceases to amaze me how easily you’re suckered in, Buckley. Notice anything about that security guard?
BB: He’s got a camera. He’s got a camera?! That’s PI with the Pi-Cam! And he just clocked Trip with it!!!
SB: And you thought this was a three-on-three. This is an INTRUDERS match, Buckley… I wouldn’t be surprised to Shamon suicide dive from above the ring just to crush Powers.
BB: Triple X got knocked back over the barricade by that cheap shot from Pi, who is busy getting Miles to his feet. Trip looks like his forehead has been busted open. He’s trying to get back to the ring apron and get inside to break the ten-count and get away from the doubleteam. Miles climbs back over the barricade with some help from Pi and catches Stevens with an elbow drop to the back of the head that drives him into the concrete. Even still, Trip pushes himself to his knees… but Miles is up…he pulls him up the rest of the way. DDT!!! DDT onto the concrete!!! And Miles quickly rolls inside at the count of eight by referee Patrick Young. Miles has beat the ten-count, but Trip is still outside! Shane Southern jumps down off the apron and heads over to help get Trip inside, but it could be…
SB: Too little, too late! The Intruders have spoken!
BB: Young hits the ten-count, and it looks like Triple X has been eliminated by count-out. Southern finishes checking on Trip, who is bleeding pretty heavily. Shane motions towards the ramp, it looks like he’s asking for the trainers to come out and tend to Triple X. Having done that, Shane rolls inside; looks like he’ll take over for his team while Powers continues to nurse that hurt ankle outside.
SB: One down, two to go.
BB: Miles reaches over and tags in the President himself, who enters for the second time tonight. Mayfield takes a step in and motions for Southern to come get him…but it’s MILES who charges!!! He catches Southern off guard… COCKYline!!!! That sickle takes Southern down, and Mayfield follows with an elbow to the back of the head!!! Young is trying to force Miles out of the ring, but that gives Mayfield a chance to hook in a camel clutch on Southern!
SB: Such a Professional doubleteam. Even you have to be impressed.
BB: Southern reaches for the ropes, but he’s stuck right in the middle of the ring. Miles is finally outside to his corner, and it looks like he’s lighting up a cigarette in honor of the doubleteam.
SB: And ever-present Pi is making sure to get it on the Pi-cam.
BB: A moment to be treasured, I’m sure. Southern is trying to pull on that casted leg of Mayfield’s, trying to find any leverage he can use to power out of the submission hold. I can’t imagine Southern would submit here, no matter how painful it gets… in fact, I don’t see any of the five men left capable of giving up, not with a title shot in the main event of ANNIVERSARY on the line.
SB: I don’t know…l think Pi would probably submit for a sandwich or two.
BB: Do you even try to make sense any more?
SB: Not unless it’s absolutely necessary.
BB: As Southern struggles, the Presidential Champion might have put himself in a bit of a situation. He’s got a look of pain on his face as well… I’m assuming that injured leg is hurting him, especially while remaining in one spot and trying to exert enough pressure to keep Southern on the mat. If he’s not careful, it might lock up and cost him.
SB: He’s the President, Buckley. Nothing costs him, everything’s free.
BB: Southern’s trying to get a foot under him but can’t. He tries to use his arms to power out, but he can’t break free. It looks like Mayfield is starting to move…he’s going to have to let up on this hold before he normally would. He does, dropping Southern to the mat, and quickly getting to his feet. He tries to aim a kick at Southern, but he can barely keep his balance.
SB: He’s playing possum.
BB: Do you even know what that means?
SB: I meant Southern, idiot. Look, he looks like roadkill!
BB: Mayfield’s trying to shake a cramp out of that right leg, and it’s giving Southern a chance to recover! Eddie charges in and drops an elbow on the back of Shane’s head. But it’s taking Eddie longer to get up each time he has to deal with that hard cast. He just doesn’t have the flexibility in his knee joint that he needs.
SB: Did you just say something about Eddie and joints?
BB: You know, now you’re just reaching. You’re starting to sound like some hack who couldn’t come up with a witty comment if it were on a cue card.
SB: See, that’s what they call an abusive work environment. I don’t have to take it.
BB: You’re right… you can always leave…again.
SB: What do I look like, Hornet?
BB: Mayfield continues to stomp away on Southern, using the ropes to steady himself, but Shane continues to try and get to his feet. Eddie with an elbow to the back of the head, trying to get Shane back down to the mat, but it’s not working as the crowd gets behind the former US Champ. Eddie with a hammerblow to Shane’s aching back, trying to follow-up on that camel clutch. Shane goes down to a knee…and then ROLLS AWAY from Mayfield!!! Quick tag to Kevin Powers!!! Eddie never saw it coming!
SB: What, now he’s supposed to anticipate every move the drunken hillbilly makes? Come on, Buckley, we’re talking about a man who’s used to cleaning up alligator roadkill from in front of his two-bit trailer…you can’t expect the President to know what’s running through his bourbon-soaked mind.
BB: A little harsh there, Sammy…must mean you’re a little worried. And you should be… BODYSLAM by Powers, followed by a legdrop, and then a couple of stomps to that cast for good measure!!! Young warns Powers about targeting the cast, so KP simply picks Mayfield up and drops him with a sidewalk slam!! Quick hook of the leg! ONE….NO! Powers pulls Eddie to his feet and sends him for the ride… BIG BOOT to the face!!! The Presidential Champ goes down. Powers hooks…ONE….. TWO…. NO! Mayfield stays in the match by virtue of his right shoulder coming up at the last possible second. Powers pulls him up again, sends him for the ride to the ropes and sets up… but this time Mayfield grabs the ropes for dear life!!! He quickly steps over and tags in his Professionals partner, Craig Miles. Miles quickly through the ropes, and we’ve got another doubleteam setup by the Unified Tag Champs.
SB: Like I said..it’s a P…
BB: Yeah yeah, Professional doubleteam. Mayfield goes for a clothesline but gets swatted away. Miles connects with an elbow, but can’t get Powers down with an attempt at a Russian legsweep. A clip to the knee from behind by Mayfield, and once again the referee is trying to get control here. Powers down to one knee, and a leaping bulldog from Miles takes him down the rest of the way! Miles heads to the second rope for a quick elbow drop to the back of the head that connects. He rolls Powers over and hooks the leg… only a one-count. Powers shoots Miles towards the ropes with the force of his kickout. Miles back over, quick elbow drop, but Powers is out of the way. Miles is still up to his feet first…he hits the ropes to set for another bull… NO! Powers catches him…STUNNER! He rolls Miles and grabs his throat…then lifts him up over his head right from the mat!!! Look at the crowd! CHOKE SLAM!!!! The cover! ONE….. TWO…. THREE!!!! CRAIG MILES is ELIMINATED! And Eddie Mayfield is furious!
SB: Shenanigans are afoot… I feel it. I DECLARE SHENANIGANS!
BB: Before Rhubarb Jones can even announce it, GUNS is in the ring!! Powers just turned around to head over and talk to Southern, and now GUNS hits him with a shoulderblock from behind!!! Powers gets pushed into the corner, knocking Southern off the apron to the floor!!! GUNS from behind with a quick rollup! ONE…..TWO…NO!!! We almost had another elimination in a matter of seconds! Patrick Young is up and realizes that Craig Miles is still in the ring!! Powers to his feet…but he doesn’t realize that Miles is kneeling behind him! GUNS simply gives a shove, and Powers hits the mat hard after falling over Miles!!!
SB: See, even in elimination he doesn’t quit. It’s touching, really.
BB: Miles rolls out of the ring, and now it looks like he’s going to go take a seat over with Pi and watch the rest of this match! Inside, GUNS is going for a gorilla press on the 312-pound frame of Kevin Powers!
SB: Maybe he wants to put “Good God” a row behind Miles and Pi.
BB: Powers gets an elbow to the side of the head, and GUNS can’t hold him up. Powers hard to the mat, but he rolls out of the way before GUNS can get a boot on him. Both men up and they charge… collision, but they both stay on their feet. They both hit the ropes again…another collision, both still up. A third time… GUNS ducks a clothesline and comes back off the other side… LARIAT by Powers!
SB: I’d make another Roid comment, but I’m all out.
BB: ONE….. TWO…. NO! GUNS kicks out, and keeps his dreams of a World Title shot alive. But Powers is up quickly! GUNS to his feet….Sidewalk Slam by Powers! Legdrop by Powers! He leaps over GUNS prone body, hits the ropes… ROCK BOTTOM by Powers!!! He hooks the leg! ONE……….TWO………..NO!!! NO!!! GUNS got his foot on the bottom rope and Mayfield made sure the referee saw it!
SB: The President knows how to work the rules, Buckley.
BB: That’s for sure, and how to break them too…he comes into the ring just as Powers pulls GUNS up for a jackknife powerbomb! KICK TO THE GUT with that cast!
SB: And watch the skyscraper fall!!!
BB: With GUNS on top of him! ONE….. TWO….. THREE!!! Kevin Powers has been eliminated because of Eddie’s interference! And Mayfield hops back through the ropes on one good leg!
SB: It’s not cheating if you don’t break the ref’s five-count right?!
BB: Ref Patrick Young is having some harsh words with Eddie Mayfield… it looks like he’s telling him he’s halfway to a disqualification. But in the meantime, he hasn’t made sure that Kevin Powers is out of the ring yet!!! Powers is up as GUNS turns away from Shane Southern…. CHOKESLAM!!!!
SB: Blasted ref! Blasted GUNS! Blasted…
BB: Powers takes a powder under the ropes as Shane Southern leaps over the top rope and makes the cover! The ref finishes yelling at Mayfield and dives over to make the count! ONE….. TWO….. THREE!!!! GUNS is eliminated…and now it’s Mayfield and Southern one-on-one!!!
SB: The Prez and the Poof, together again.
BB: The Presidential Champion doesn’t look at all happy about what’s just happened as GUNS is ordered to leave the ring by the referee. And now Patrick Young is ordering Mayfield to get in the ring and face the former US Champion. One of these men is going on to ANNIVERSARY as the challenger for the CSWA World Title!
SB: Mayfield starts to climb in, but he just yelled something over in the direction of Miles and Pi. Don’t count Eddie out yet.
BB: Shane Southern waits in his corner as Mayfield climbs through the ropes. Patrick Young steps out of the way and motions for the two to go at it. Southern takes a couple of steps forward to lock up with Eddie… he tries to lock him up, but standing switch by Mayfield even on that bad leg, and he’s got a quick full nelson on. Shane powers out and sidesteps…Cajun Leg Sweep takes both men down! Southern scoops up Mayfield… TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM! He hooks the leg! ONE….. TWO…. NO!
SB: Poor Shane may not make it out of the ring alive, even if he wins the title shot by some horrible twist of fate.
BB: Eddie could be in trouble here… Southern pulls Mayfield to his feet and sends him into the ropes… THESZ PRESS!!! ONE…. TWO…. NO!!! Mayfield somehow rolls the shoulder up. But Shane is on FIRE! He pulls the Presidential Champ up again… again he sends him into the ropes… LARIAT!!! He doesn’t go for the cover…instead, he’s setting it up… this crowd is on its feet, waiting for the fastest foot in the business to deliver the message that the PARTY’S OVER!
SB: But here comes the Cocky One!!!
BB: Craig Miles jumps the barricade and jumps up on the apron!!! Southern turns and fires! SUPERKICK!!! Miles gets blasted off the apron and hits hard on the barricade!! Southern turns around to set up for Eddie…but Mayfield’s up!!! He whips Southern across and catches him on the far side… HOT SHOT!!! HOT SHOT!!! He just dropped Shane NECK-FIRST across the ropes, and Southern is obviously in pain and trying to get some air.
SB: Maybe his larynx is gone…that way we won’t have to hear him cry about it afterwards.
BB: That’s wrong, Sammy.
SB: It was a joke, Buckley. A JOKE. Well, mostly it was a joke. But I mean, can’t you see it? “Silent” Shane Southern? It’d sell.
BB: Mayfield follows with that “Fahrenheit 451” Cobra Clutch cinched in… and now not only can Southern not breathe, but he’s held in place as well.
SB: Hey, he can always get out of it…three quick taps on the mat and I’m sure Eddie’ll let him go with no problem. Can you technically tap with your foot?
BB: Right now, Shane is simply struggling to get some air down that battered windpipe so he can fight back. But Mayfield knows better than that…Russian Legsweep!!! He knocks the back of Southern’s head on the mat and hooks the leg! ONE…….. TWO….. NO! Somehow Southern got that left shoulder off the mat, and Mayfield is furious of referee Patrick Young.
SB: Be careful Prez, don’t let the ref get you riled up!
BB: Mayfield is up on his feet, measuring Southern for a knee to the head with that cast!! He drops it hard, but hits only mat as Shane gets out of the way and throws himself into the corner! Mayfield is in pain, having hit that casted right leg on this unforgiving mat. But he pushed through the pain and charges to the corner!! SPINNING ELBOW by Southern sends Mayfield staggering out of the corner. Southern jumps to the second rope and heaves himself off…. LARIAT with AUTHORITY! He goes for the cover…
SB: But here comes the cavalry!
BB: …but now Pi is up on the ropes! Southern to his feet…PARTY’S OVER for Pi! He turns back to Mayfield, but now Craig Miles is up on the other side of the apron distracting the ref! Look out!!!! Southern hits a superkick to the back of ref Young, sending him into Miles, and sending Miles careening to the concrete again!!!
SB: But Mayfield’s up again!
BB: And what’s he doing! He’s…you’ve gotta be kidding me! Somehow he’s taken that plaster cast off his leg! He was wearing a gimmicked cast!!! And now Southern turns around and gets BLASTED!!!
SB: It’s looks like it’s snowing in there!
BB: Shane Southern looks like he’s seen a ghost with his forehead marked by that plaster cast! On the outside, Miles is standing against the apron trying to push the ref into action!!! Mayfield pulls Southern up and sets him…. SCREWJOB!!! He drops Southern with that spinning tombstone and hooks the leg! ONE….. TWO….. THREE!!!! Eddie Mayfield has pulled the ultimate screwjob on Shane Southern! This crowd is on its feet booing the Professional screwjob we’ve seen here tonight!
SB: Hail to the Chief! And your NEXT CSWA WORLD CHAMP!
BB: Patrick Young is up to one knee as he leans over to ring announcer Rhubarb Jones. He, Southern and Mayfield are all covered in small white pieces of that plaster cast that Mayfield bashed Shane with. And now Young gets to his feet to go make it official.
SB: O-fish-al indeed.
RJ: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match and the man who will challenge for the CSWA World Championship at CSWA ANNIVERSARY… BY DISQUALIFICATION…. SHANE SOUTHERN.
SB: WHAT?! HE CAN’T DO THAT!
BB: Apparently he can! Young raises Southern’s arm and then dives out of the ring to avoid Mayfield or any of the other Intruders! He’s pointing at the remnants of the plaster cast in the ring and apparently yelling at Mayfield that he warned him!
SB: It’s a travesty!
BB: It looks like Craig Miles thinks so too, because he just slid in the ring behind a very woozy Shane Southern! Miles jumps in the air…NECKBREAKER! Mayfield follows with a kneedrop to the back of the head. This is awful.
SB: What’s awful is that a referee can count the pinfall and then get up and change his mind! He had him pinned, dead to rights.
BB: CSWA security is on its way down to the ring. Folks, we’re out of time, and frankly, I’d rather not give the Intruders any more airtime. But no matter what they do, Shane Southern is scheduled to face off against the CSWA World Champion at ANNIVERSARY. Folks, for Sammy Benson, this is Bill Buckley. We’ll see you at ON TIME as the Road to CSWA15 continues.