(CUTTO: Just outside the actual walls of Alltel Arena, the CSWA production truck is like a nest of, well… mad hornets. The road agents and other staff have wisely steered clear of the truck as the voices of the techies get more and more frantic. Production director R.J. Hughes has a walkie-talkie in his hand, and is gesticulating wildly with the other hand as he yells into the walkie.)
HUGHES: What do you mean everything checks out? Obviously something not plugged in right if I’m still getting static.
(Unintelligible response from the walkie)
HUGHES: We’ve got a satellite link, and we’re sending up static, because I can’t get the feed from inside. It’s got to be something out there…check the pigtails and everything else plugged into the box.
(Hughes turns to yell at someone inside the truck as the monitors flash black, and then throw up the CSWA logo. A brief cheer goes up from inside the truck, but quickly fades as the static returns.)
HUGHES: What the?! What happened? (He hits the button on the walkie.) What happened?
(Hughes is met with a chorus of “I don’t know”s and “We had it!”s. But no one seems to know what’s going on. The monitors flash again and again the CSWA logo goes up, but it’s quickly replaced by the old red “CS guy” logo before going to static again.)
HUGHES: Who did that? That’s not even in our system anymore. What the hell is going on? Somebody better fix this or…
(The monitors flash on again, this time to a blank screen. A cursor appears and types “H-E-L-L-O.”)
HUGHES: If this is somebody’s idea of a practical joke… Ronnie? Derek?
(Two men in the truck quickly shake their heads.)
HUGHES: I want this fixed NOW!
(The screen blanks and the cursor types “S-A-Y P-L-E-A-S-E.")
HUGHES: (on the walkie) Did you check those wires again? What in the world is going on here?
HUGHES: (looking around and then sheepishly) Please.
(The monitors flash to life, showing the current CSWA logo with CSWA: ON TIME in Little Rock in the scroller across the bottom.)
HUGHES: Somebody get me Merritt on the phone.
BILL BUCKLEY (V/O): "This program is protected by CS Enterprises copyright. Unlawful duplication and distribution prohibited."
(CUE UP: “The Last Day On Earth – Marilyn Manson”)
(FADEIN: The ON TIME logo at the top of the ramp from the show’s debut.
CUT TO: The Professionals walking backstage, both with a cigarette in mouth.
CUT TO: Eli and Troy “playing tug-of-war” in the crowd with a chair from ANNIVERSARY 2001.
CUT TO: Triple X flying to the outside with a senton splash at ANNIVERSARY 2001.
CUT TO: Tom Adler holding the United States title.
CUT TO: Kin Hiroshi coming from the top with a Hiroshima Bomb.
CUT TO: George Washington Knife Edge Chopping Eddie Mayfield.
CUT TO: Hornet nailing Cameron Cruise with a Shooting Star Press.
CUT TO: The New Suicide Squad at the top of the ramp.
CUT TO: Lawrence Stanley proudly waving the American and British flags.
CUT TO: Shane Southern dropping Bandit with a Reverse DDT.
CUT TO: Faceless taking off his mask to reveal himself as Mike Randalls.
CUT TO: Nathan Cross standing along the middle turnbuckle with a hand raised to the Crossovers.
CUT TO: PI-CAM" shot of a WOMAN signing GUNS' words for the benefit of the hearing impaired at PT.
CUT TO: Eli Flair with a Razor’s Edge on Mark Windham from the second rope.
CUT TO: Flair tackling Troy In Anaheim.
CUT TO: Windham piledriving Troy outside.
CUT TO: Dan Ryan throwing Windham into a merchandising stand.
CUT TO: Windham being dropped from the 2nd tier.
CUT TO: Windham moonsaulting Ryan through a table.
CUT TO: Mark Windham being Humility Bombed by Dan Ryan.
CUT TO: Ben Worthington awarding Dan Ryan the World title as an endearing crowd looks on.
CUT TO: A montage image of the Kevin Powers, Intruders, Shane Southern, Hornet, Triple X, Mark Windham, Evan Aho , Lawrence Stanley, Eli Flair and Randalls.
CUT TO: Merritt and Thomas in the ring, all smiles, after the CSWA’s first show in the Merritt Auditorium in 1988.
HOLD AND FADE ON: The ON TIME Logo.
(The music slowly fades out as the image transitions to...)
(CUTTO: John Simons and Manuel Juarez at their post twenty-feet to the left of the rampway, the pair sits behind a fake marble desk and a well-made ON TIME logo hanging overhead. Manny’s wearing a black T-shirt under his blazer that reads, “The Real American Idol.” It’s Little Rock, but John sells it like Madison Square Garden. The man has range, no question.)
JS: Howdy Cowboys, and Cowgirls John Simons and Manuel Juarez live! from Little Rock with CSWA ON TIME!
MJ: Stop mouth Juan, for just wee moment or two while Manny takes his robe off and shows these fans what real man look like.
JS: You do that, I'd like to see personally.
(Manny stands up, but can't pull the trigger.)
MJ: No, no Juan. Little Rock, great to dive through but not right town to show off Manny's double-barrell cheast. Ricardo Montalban did twenty-two years ago in the "Wrath Of Khan" and American public refuse to believe chest real.
JS: You Puerto Ricans really stick together, huh.
JS: Classy. Manny big show tonight, a lot of the new talent already making a big impact. Give us a 'pick-to-click' who takes another leap tonight?
MJ: Manny would answer, but Juan's racist humor stolen his spirit, and great Puerto Rician sponk that Merritt takes to the bank every show. See fans, Manny is a horse. Ride him to the banks Juan, they ride him to the banks.
JS: I have no idea what you just said, and I suspect after that comment I might have a new co-host next show.
MJ: No, Juan I only one who talk straight with Merritt. Manny tell him, free PPV bad idea. And now look what happened. Gas prices go up even higher.
JS: Fans, OT begins right after this!
(CUT TO: Troy Windham, sitting on a wrestling bench, on the cell phone.)
TROY: Well, Doc… just let me know as soon as you can about how he’s doing. And if he wants to… tell him to give me a call.
(From off-screen walks JJ Deville—hair pulled back, wearing a black ON TIME T-Shirt over spandex trunks, angry face on his brow. He stares at Troy, who’s not paying any attention.)
TROY: We got a lot to work out, Doc. We’ve ignored it for about ten years now, it’s about time we figured out some things. I at least owe him a conversation. We really need to talk.
(JJ, standing there angry, tapping his foot, finally has enough.)
JJ: Troy—we need to talk.
TROY: (sneering, dismissing JJ) Okay, Doc. I’ll call again as soon as I can. I’ll keep my fingers cross that he’ll be out of there soon.
TROY: JJ, what is it? Did something happen to my dry cleaning? I really want that suit jacket pressed for my dinner date tonight.
JJ: Troy… I am NOT doing your dry cleaning anymore…
TROY: (completely nervous) Then who’s going to be doing it?
JJ: Troy, you promised me at the Pay Per View that you would take our tag team seriously. You told me that you wanted to be my partner.
TROY: Yeah, and we won the straps, dood!
JJ: Yeah, but where were you last week, Troy? Where were you when I needed you? You left me out there to take on the Cutters by myself!
TROY: JJ— (he puts his hands on JJ’s shoulder, fatherlike. JJ shoves it off immediately.)
JJ: No, Troy. You ignored your partnership with me. I don’t care WHAT happened with your brother. You made a pact with me and you ignored it.
JJ: Yo, NOTHING, Troy! You SLACKED OFF like you always do!
(Troy looks down, pissed. JJ stares at him. Troy then punches JJ in the balls. JJ hunches over and then Troy COLDCOCKS JJ right in the jaw, sending him to the floor. He then stands over him and slaps him as JJ moans.)
TROY: NO ONE calls me a slacker anymore, JJ. Now go clean my car!
(CUEUP: The cutting single note riff of The Walkmen's "The Rat." Soon, the drums sneak in before eventually spiraling throughout the song. Out comes Autumn to mild jeers, methodically strolling towards the ring. He stops halfway to the squared circle and gets in the face of a fan. After they exchange a few words, Autumn gives the fan a quick slap before continuing to the ring with a huge grin on his face. Autumn rolls into the center of the ring before kipping up. Autumn encourages the jeers by walking around the ring looking smug and motioning for the fans to bring it. Finally, he calls for a mic.)
AUTUMN: (Looking over at Wesley Paige) It's good to see I won't have to wait for you to make your entrance, but, I've got a few words to say, so make yourself comfortable.
I'd like to welcome everyone to ON TIME in Little Rock, Arkansas! The place where you peons can witness incredible feats of athletic ability by men greater than you can ever hope to be! And all you have to do is sit on your lazy asses and watch us bruise, break, and bleed our bodies for you! Ain't life grand?
But enough about you, you're all boring me already. See, I've got a little business with a certain someone by the name of Suicide.
(The crowd gives a mixed reaction at the name of the masked star.)
AUTUMN: Yes, nothing like taking, oh, 18 chair shots to the head to endear yourself to the fans, Sue. You see, Sue challenged me to a match for tonight. So, I went to Mr. Merritt. I told him that the only reason I used a chair in Charlotte was that... I was afraid of touching the man. I mean, have you seen him? Well, Mr. Merritt must have agreed with me, because, you won't be seeing me in a match against Suicide tonight. Instead, I get to fight this world class wrestler, this master technician, this expert on everything on the sport, as long as it involves losing. Wesley Paige, Autumn approaches.
(Autumn drops the mic and the bell rings.)
Autumn and Paige tied up to begin the match. Autumn gained the advantage with a waistlock, which Paige countered into a hammerlock. Not to be outdone, quickly hit a drop-toe-hold and attempted to lock Paige in the Harvest Moon, his inverted STF finisher. Paige frantically scrambled to the ropes before Autumn could lock it in. Autumn followed Paige and backed him into a corner, giving him a few quick punches before violently whipping him into the opposite turnbuckle. Paige clutched his back as Autumn quickly charged after him and hit a devastating lariat.
As Paige stumbled out of the corner, Autumn hit a running bulldog. A lackadasical cover got a quick two count. Autumn pulled up Paige by his head, then quickly sent him down again with a falling neckbreaker. Paige held his neck and head in agony as Autumn covered him. Again, the pin only got a two count. The crowd cheered encouragement for Paige. Frustrated, Autumn locked on a dragon sleeper, while driving his knee into the back of his opponent.. Slowly, Paige fought to his feet, but Autumn lifted Paige vertically, before falling backwards and hanging Paige out to dry on the ropes, dispelling the crowd's hopes for a turning of the tides. As Paige rolled around the ring clutching his abdomen, Autumn sent a few stomps to Paige's head. As Autumn brought him to his feet, Paige caught him with a few punches to the gut before running off into the ropes for momentum. Autumn ducked the coming clothesline, and, as Wesley rebounded back, Autumn picked him up, spun him upside down and dropped him on his head in a fluid sit-out tombstone.
Even though he barely stirred on the mat, Wesley Paige still had a little bit of fight in him. As Autumn picked up Paige, Paige quickly rolled up Autumn with an inside cradle. Autumn kicked out at two and popped up. Paige swung with his right, but Autumn ducked and grabbed Paige with a waistlock. Paige quickly slipped down and rolled up Autumn once more, this time with a prawn hold. Again, only a two count, but the near fall had brought the crowd back into it. Autumn rolled into the middle of the ring as Paige backed into the corner. As Autumn stood and face his opponent, Paige charged.... right into a drop-toe-hold. Autumn hooked his arms around Paige's face and the rolled onto his back to lock on the Harvest Moon. Paige quickly tapped.
Winner: Autumn by submission
(Autumn calls for a mic once more.)
AUTUMN: I've only got one more thing to say. Suicide... Autumn... or in your case, Winter approaches.
JS: Before we get to our next match, we’ve got a special interview Rudy did earlier this week…
(FADEIN to Rudy Seitzer, walking in to Boulevard Lanes, in Allentown, PA..)
RUDY SEITZER: You know, I'm not quite sure why I was called here. I'm not even sure who I'm supposed to be interviewing..
(Rudy gets a tap on the shoulder, and it's J-NASTY, Jerome Henderson. He's wearing a dull pink suit, with the matching fedora and wielding his cane.)
JEROME HENDERSON: I've been spectin' you, Rudy Seitzer. It's not often the most diabolical hata' this side of the Lehigh invites someone to his hometown, but I figured you could enjoy a nice game of bowling.. in just less than a day, Im'ma gonna be makin' my CSWA debut, against Mittens the Cat..
RUDY SEITZER: Why, Jerome... why? What's the point, what's with the hatred? And if you're so much against Mittens, why are you sporting his color, pink?
JEROME HENDERSON: I decided to delve deep inta' the mind of Mittens T. Cat, and I've gotta say I'm kinda scared. The (BLEEP) is (BLEEP)ed up! Look at him, he run out hee' and act like he the shiznit and whatnot, but instead he's just a stupid little (BLEEP). Why can't this guy show his face.. he uglier than the dude from Mask, and I'm not talkin' 'bout the Jim Carrey movie. Anyway, ma' man, let's get to the game..
(CUTTO: A few minutes later, we see clips of Jerome Henderson hitting strike after strike, throwing the ball behind his back, between his legs, and then a spot where he goes down the lane with the ball, and comes up about 5 feet short of the pins. Clip shows of Rudy Seitzer shaking his head..)
JEROME HENDERSON: I'm bringin' the ass-whoopin' to Little Rock. Chop to the neck, PIZ-ATT! Eye Gouge.. MMPHM! Blow to the head, KA-BAM! Last time Little Rock experienced a blow like that is when a fella' by the name o' Clinton was the governor...
RUDY SEITZER: Alright Jerome, this was totally pointless..
JEROME HENDERSON: The point is, Mittens the Cat, I don't only hate, I beat the ever-livin' (BLEEP) outta anybody who steps in my way. Always have, always will.. it ain't gonna be any different this time. So until then, remember these words. HATE! HATE! HATE!
RUDY SEITZER: Get me the hell outta here.
Mittens T. Cat vs. Jerome Henderson
(FADE to John Simons and Manuel Juarez sitting at the broadcast booth..)
JS: Well we saw J-NASTY, Jerome Henderson, lead our colleague, Rudy Seitzer, to a bowling alley somewhere in the Lehigh Valley. This guy's definitely a character, and there’s no doubt it’ll be shown in his match tonight facing Mittens the Cat.
MJ: Never thought I see the day a guy in a pink cat suit would actually wrestle here in the CSWA, but... stranger things have happened. And hell, this feud is driving the ratings through the roof.
JS: Let's get real here, Manny. This sideshow act is not needed here. When Merritt was talking new blood, I didn't think it would lead to this. Anyway, on to the match. We’re going to join it in progress in just a moment. This battle was a see-saw match, not a whole lot of mat wrestling going on in this one.
MJ: I cannot get over these fans loving both of these… how you say, FREAKS!
JS: They certainly were, plenty of ooh's and ahh's. Mittens tried to use his rough-housing style to his favor, but Jerome Henderson was extremely resilient. After about the seven-minute mark, Mittens started to take control of the match, until one false move... which led to a flying pimp-slap by J-NASTY!
MJ: He performs the move with greater ease than a long-time pimp. In Mexico, that is a finishing maneuver.
JS: The move surprised many, especially based on the fact that Mittens wears a giant cat head, but I guess it's not padded too well. Yeah, it did. Anyway, let's join the match at the eight-minute mark...
(Joined in progress at 8:03.)
JS: Henderson has Mittens backed up in the corner, he's laying slaps on his chest, and Mittens is riling. Henderson sends Mittens across the ring, J-NASTY runs in with a devastating elbow to the chest. Mittens staggers out of the corner, and J-NASTY gets behind him... OOH, BACK-RAKE!
MJ: The man perfects these moves like a seasoned veteran.. it amazing for a man that was a dog last week.
JS: Mittens stunned, and now J-NASTY gives him a running clothesline, and knocked him down to the mat. Mittens rolls over on his back, and now J-NASTY is going up to the top rope, what's he gonna do here?
MJ: Brother really is hatering all over Mittens the Cat, verbally, and physically..
JS: J-NASTY jumps off the top rope, OH, and Mittens gets the
knees up in the air, leaving Henderson to lay on the mat. Mittens stomps down on J-NASTY a few times, and now picks him up, BODYSLAM! Mittens now going to try his luck from the top rope.. we saw him in his debut hit a picture-perfect shooting star press. Can he pull it off this time?
MJ: What?! Someone is running down to the ring as a dog again. That rental service is making a mucho dinero off all of our recent rentals.
JS: Mittens jumps off the top rope, and he's chasing after the guy in the dog outfit. That can't be Scotty Michaels, can it?
MJ: Apparently not! Look, there's Scotty!!
JS: Mittens chasing the guy in the dog outfit around and into the back, as they run past Scotty Michaels... obvious set-up!
MJ: Or not! Scotty looks confused, and decides to walk the other way.
JS: Perhaps this is the other hater that J-NASTY was talking about! Wait a minute, back in the ring, the referee just counted Mittens out of the match. J-NASTY, Jerome Henderson, wins by COUNTOUT!
MJ: Notice that the count-out rule only bears its ugly head when it's needed?
JS: That's besides the point. Folks, we’ll be right back...
(The guy in the dog outfit jumps into a Chrysler Sebring and speeds off, as Mittens gets up to the car, looking angry..)
(CUT TO: RUDY SEITZER, in front of a banner for CSWA: ON TIME.)
RS: And yes, folks, this looks like it could be the hottest ON TIME we’ve seen in a while— (JJ DeVille, bruise on his face, walks up to Rudy.) JJ, what are you doing out here? I’m trying to—(JJ snatches the microphone.)
JJ: Rudy, I’m sorry for the interruption but I need to get something off my chest RIGHT NOW. For three years, I’ve put up with everyone’s (BLEEP.) Eddy Love, Troy Windham, making me do their chores. All the guys in the back, messing with me, mocking my existence, treating me like crap. Well, Rudy, apparently PEOPLE DIDN’T GET THE MESSAGE! The OLD JJ DeVille—the pushover kid who couldn’t get a date to the prom… HE’S BEEN LEFT BEHIND. And that goes for YOU, Troy Windham. You let me down at PRIMETIME! And then tonight, you SUCKER PUNCHED ME! Well, Windham, (BLEEP) your dry cleaning and (BLEEP) you, too! No one treats me like that anymore! Rudy – I’m calling him out right now. I don’t care HOW big a star he thinks he is! Tonight I, JJ DeVille, The New Original… I WANT A MATCH WITH THAT SLACKER PIECE OF (BLEEP) TONIGHT!
(JJ walks off.)
RS: (pauses) I don’t think I know what to say. We’ll find out if we can get this match approved tonight, or whether it’ll take place at PRIMETIME. Back to Manny and John…
Troy Douglas vs. Phil Dynasty
Promising rookie Phil Dynasty looked to make an impact in his second match in the CSWA, but circuit veteran and CSWA newcomer Troy Douglas quickly ended Dynasty’s hopes for success in his debut.
The two men circled for a moment before Dynasty charged and looked for a spear, but Douglas simply moved out of the way and the accomplished hunter missed his mark, sprawling face first on the mat. Enraged, he stood up and sprinted in for another spear attempt, but again Douglas was one step ahead, using Dynasty’s momentum to send him into the steel ringpost, severely damaging Phil’s right shoulder.
With Dynasty clutching his shoulder in pain, Douglas quickly went to work with his trademark efficiency. He grabbed Dynasty’s injured arm and yanked it towards him, continuing to hyperextend the shoulder, then dropped him to the mat with a hard short-arm clothesline. Douglas began to bring Dynasty to his feet, but was countered with a desperation low blow and an inside cradle for a one and a half count.
Phil Dynasty tried to capitalize on his underhanded tactics by laying into Douglas with a pair of boots to the gut, but when he tried for a DDT, Troy simply refused to move, countering the maneuver with a released Northern Lights suplex that saw Dynasty land roughly on the right shoulder once again. Very quickly, Douglas stalked over Dynasty and locked on a sitting reverse armbar.
Though the hold was only on for a matter of seconds, as Dynasty had landed very close to the ropes, the move nonetheless continued to damage the already hurt right shoulder. Troy continued to put the pressure on, hitting a spinebuster off of an irish whip, then putting Dynasty in a standing headscissors.
What came next was a move that sent echoes throughout the arena in Little Rock, as Douglas hit a brutal sit-down powerbomb that shook the ring. Douglas ascended to the top and called for a high risk maneuver, and delivered by leaping off the top with a moonsault. This would have ended the match, had it not been for Dynasty rolling out of the way just in time, causing Douglas to land face first on the mat at a high velocity.
Rage now set in on the face of Phil Dynasty, and he attempted to punch and kick the fight out of Troy Douglas. For a moment, he succeeded, landing a serious of blunt blows to Douglas’ sternum and abdomen. However, Dynasty made his fatal flaw when trying to deliver a haymaking roundhouse punch to Troy’s head. In anticipation, the North Carolinian ducked, and when Dynasty missed, his momentum spun him straight around into a Troy Douglas neckbreaker. He pinned, and it looked like it may have been over.
It wasn’t. Phil Dynasty had some fight left in him yet, and kicked out at two and three quarters.
Dynasty tried for one last flurry of offense, shoving Douglas away after a standing swish and dropping to the three point stance, but the Greensboro native was, as it was for the entire contest, to fast for Phil. Dynasty left just enough of himself exposed on a clothesline attempt for Douglas to hit a spinning kneelift, then drop into the STF.
Though Phil Dynasty was eventually able to scramble to the ropes, it could be seen that this was the beginning of the end.
After a running splash in the corner by Douglas, Dynasty was able to get a final offensive move in with a Russian Leg Sweep after an elbow to the side of Troy’s head. But, when Dynasty tried for a Figure Four Leglock, Douglas nipped up and hit a vicious superkick that sent Dynasty face first into the turnbuckle.
What happened next, nobody in the building could believe. Douglas grabbed Dynasty’s injured right arm and stood on the second turnbuckle. He leapt to his left, springboarding off the top rope. He descended in a graceful arcing backflip, his momentum carrying Dynasty over his shoulders, and in the end, Phil’s head caromed violently off the mat after the springboard Death Valley Driver.
Troy Douglas is 6’5”, 260 lbs. You just don’t see that everyday.
Troy lifted the near-unconscious Phil Dynasty and kicked him sharply in the gut, hooking him up, then swinging him forward in the Broken Dream.
To the corner he went, setting Dynasty up on the top rope and standing on the second. Troy double underhooked and dove backwards, pulling Dynasty with him into a piledriver.
That was it, the End of the Road.
Three slaps of the mat later, and this one was over. A disappointing night for Phil Dynasty, and a second straight impressive performance from Troy Douglas.
As Phil seethed in the ring, Troy walked to the back, not only soaking in the ovation of the crowd, but again speaking so only he could hear himself.
“No more screwing around with these bush leaguers. I’ve got bigger fish to fry.”
(CUEUP: "Shapes of Things" by The Jeff Healy Band, the crowd roars as Jean Rabesque makes an appearance on the ramp, dressed in his black street gear, the CSWA Greensboro Title adorned across his shoulder. He slowly makes his way to the ring, stopping to slap a few hands along the way. As he climbs into the ring, he ascends the near turnbuckle and raises a hand to the crowd, before grabbing a microphone.)
"Now, I'm usually the first person that wants to be all about the wrestling, and not about the talk, but I have a few things to say, and I promise I'll make it quick, and we can get on to what you all paid good money to see, and that is the best wrestling on the planet.
"But tonight, it's me and Cleaver for the Greensboro Title. I really respect a great deal of what's going on here in the CSWA. The roster is stale, they're trying to infuse some new blood, yeah, I got that. I understand that they're trying to elevate some ‘New Blood.' I got that too. But like I have said before, this is NOT going to happen at my expense.
"I have scrapped and I have clawed for every damn inch along the way here in the CSWA. I wasn't handed any automatic title shots based on some win over some chump at one ON TIME. Hell, I almost won the title shot all the way back at BOB. I took on the big names, and I took them down, by showcasing the technical wrestling skill that has made me famous the world over. I wasn't given anything simply because Merritt wanted somebody new to push.
"So allow me to get to the point...... if any of you new guys want to make it to the top, then you get in line, RIGHT BEHIND ME. Because if there is anyone new making it to the top of the CSWA, then you're looking at him right now. It's MY TIME, MY CHANCE! Not Cleaver O'Connor, not Nathan Cross, not Suicide, not Christian Sands, not ANYBODY!
"Cleaver..... tonight, you become an example. Through you I will prove to everyone in the back, everyone of these wonderful fans here tonight, and everyone watching at home, just how hard the road is going to be for anyone wanting to get to the point I'm striving for. You don't get to where I am, with the notoriety I have achieved worldwide without busting your ass, and I've continued it here in the CSWA.
"Cleaver.... I don't care what it takes, but I will take you out tonight, and God willing, I'm going to make your ass tap!!
"No false gimmicks, no false hype..... If you don't know who I am yet..... then you will..... very, very soon!"
(The camera stays on Rabesque as he leaves the rnig, still playing to the crowd.)
JS: Up next, Suicide faces off against Donaven Winters, in what can only be seen as punishment for turning down Merritt's offer to face Rabesque last time. We'll see what happens...when we get back!
Suicide vs. Donaven Winters
The match started with both men trying to outwrestle one another. Winters started things off with a couple of arm drags and a belly-to-belly suplex, as Suicide nodded, apparently liking what he saw. Both men locked up again, only this time Suicide came back with a couple of dropkicks, followed with a gourdbuster. Both men locked up once more, only this time, Winters had Suicide in the corner, connecting with some powerful chops to the chest. An
Irish Whip to the corner had Suicide bouncing off, only to eat a Roaring Elbow by Winters. Winters went for the cover, but Suicide kicked out at two.
Winters then had Suicide grounded with a STF, but Suicide was able to counter it with an indian deathlock with bridge. Winters was able to grab the ropes, breaking the submission. Winters had Suicide reeling against the ropes with some elbows, followed with yet another Irish whip into the ropes. On the return, Winters' attempted back body drop backfired with a Suicidedriver, sending his head straight into the mat. Suicide then rushed to the corner and leaped to the top, jumping off and hitting a tumbleweed legdrop. Suicide made the cover and Winters kicked out at two.
Suicide then had Winters in the corner, with a flurry of kicks to the body, followed with a whip to the opposite corner. Then, Suicide followed right afterward with a Suicide elbow, cartwheel-into-back handspring-into-an-elbow, which sent both men to the outside. Both men then battled it out, with Suicide getting rammed head first into the steel steps. Winters then ripped a steel chair from one of the fans at ringside, almost hitting him. Winters then proceeded to lay the chair on the ground, as he DDTed Suicide into it on the outside. Winters then proceeded to roll Suicide back into the ring and hit an elbow drop from the top rope. Winters made the cover, but only got two as Suicide kicked out right before the three.
Winters then called for the end, as he set Suicide up with a Shining Wizard, connecting hard with a stiff knee to his head. He then placed Suicide on his shoulders, going for a Towerhacker Bomb, but Suicide was able to flip out of it and land on his feet, and connected with a spinning backfist knuckle arrow across Winters' face. He then followed through with a jumping tigerbomb into a pin, only to get a two as Winters kicked out. Suicide then went for his snap superkick, the Phantom Kick, but was captured by Winters and tossed overhead with a capture suplex. Winters then went for the Plague Effect, an Air Raid Crash, but Suicide stopped it with a sunset flip. Suicide quickly brought Winters to his feet and whipped him into the ropes.
On the return, Winters went for a running clothesline, but Suicide ducked underneath. Winters bounced against the ropes once more and got caught in a spinebuster by Suicide. Suicide then quickly went for a Death Valley Driver and just as he was about to hit it on Winters, Autumn appeared from the back with steel chair in his hands. Autumn jumped on the apron as Suicide turned and saw him. He dropped Winters and got met with a driving chair shot to the skull, causing him to collpase to the mat. The referee didn't see this and Winters gained his bearings and stood up. He lifted the broken Suicide into an argentine back rack and brought him down hard with the Eleven. A quick three count ended the match with Winters the victor.
After the match, Autumn offered his hand to Winters for an alliance. Winters smiled darkly and grabbed Autumn's hand, pulling him close. As he neared Autumn he lifted him up onto his shoulders and brought him down with the Eleven, right on top of the chair Autumn had used on Suicide. The crowd booed lustily as Winters stood in the ring triumphantly.
Winner: Donaven Winters
(CUT TO: ANGELA aka Blasted Moxie, everyone’s favorite ON TIME roving reporter, wearing her monied-class black dress with red trim, walking into Troy Windham’s dressing room. Troy’s lounged on a big chair, feet propped up.)
ANGELA: Excuse me, Troy—
TROY: (Looks at Angela up and down) Why helllLOOOW there! I haven’t done you yet—wait, I mean, I haven’t met you yet!
ANGELA: (Sneering at Troy with Ivy League-level disgust) Troy Windham, I’m here to ask you right now how you feel about JJ DeVille’s PERSONAL CHALLENGE to you tonight here at ON TIME!
TROY: Well, babe… (Angela just shakes her head.) I’ve put up with a lot of crap lately. I’ve had one promotion run me down, trying to embarrass me publicly. I’ve seen the CSWA overtaken by a bunch of steroid-addicted goons competing with a bunch of Troy Windham 1997 retreads. And then I saw my brother, my older brother, laid out in a steel cage by my other “brother” and his arch-rival… and I have to live with the guilt that EYE DID NOTHING. And then tonight, tonight I have the kid who used to wash my Porsche… the kid who BEGGED me for a job in this sport, the kid who BEGGED for me to hold his hand and SINGLEHANDEDLY win him tag team titles… calling out The Epitome of this industry!
Well, babe… (Troy pinches her ass as she screams.) I’ve worn the white hat the past few years. Had my neck busted, my fingers crushed and my hair cut and sold on E-Bay. Through it all, I’ve been Mr. CSWA. Tonight, tonight I’m putting that aside me and I’m going to be… TROY DIGGIDDY WINDHAM… and I’m going to take out everything on my mind on that good-for-nothing little punk who wants to make a name for himself at MY expense. Tonight, tonight I’m going to teach EVERYONE a lesson that Troy Windham is THE BELLWETHER for this league, this sport and that he’s still on top! And babe… (Troy again smacks her on the ass.) I’ll be seeing YOU later!
ANGELA: Over my dead body!
TROY: Ooh, a necrophiliac! Kinky! I can get down with that!
JS: It looks like we've got a match!
MJ: Poor poor J.J.
JS: That match is still to come, but before that, we've got Hornet taking on the New Blood's most vocal member yet, Christian Sands. That's all coming up, right after the break! Stay with us!
Hornet vs. Christian Sands
In an anticipated matchup of new blood versus the old guard, Christian Sands battled United States Champion Hornet in a non-title match. The two circled briefly before locking up. Sands' technical mastery was evident immediately, as he reversed Hornet's opening headlock into a hiptoss and boosted over into a front face lock, turning an escape attempt into a grounded dragon sleeper. Hornet fought to his feet, but Sands pulled out the taller man's legs and boosted over into a reversed headlock. As Hornet again attempted to fight out, Sands twisted him into a crisp neckbreaker. The big Canadian ran the ropes, but hit only canvas on an elbow drop, as Hornet was able to roll to the side.
Both men came to their feet and exchanged knife-edged chops, a war which Hornet won, backing Sands into the ropes. An Irish whip was reversed, but Hornet rebounded to catch Sands with a shoulder block before running the opposite ropes. Sands quickly leapfrogged him, catching him on the way back with a side kick that took Hornet upside the chin. As Hornet popped to his feet, Sands chopped him into the corner, then launched him out with a belly-to-belly suplex, following with a tandem of snap suplexes, floating over into a cover. Hornet kicked out at two, and Sands punched him in the face before picking him up in a military press and slamming him down to the mat with authority. From there Sands dropped a leg across Hornet's throat for a two count. He then pulled Hornet up and tried for a vertical suplex, but Hornet floated through and caught the Canadian from behind with a standing dropkick. The momentum sent Sands sprawling neck-first into the ropes, allowing Hornet to kick him in the back a few times before running the opposite ropes to hit a straddling rope-choke.
As Sands stumbled off the ropes, Hornet awaited him, scooping him up with a hard body slam. He flipped Sands over quickly and dropped a pair of elbow across his back, then scooped him up from that position to immediately drop him across his knee with a hard gutbuster! However, this only earned a two-count. Scooping Sands up again, Hornet applied a quick full nelson. However, Sands used the ropes to get the break, then quickly hiptossed Hornet over. Hornet rolled to his feet, but ate a running knee from Sands, who followed up with a textbook rolling neck snap, which scored only a two-count. As Hornet reeled on the mat, Sands jumped on him and slapped him quick as lightning into a dragon sleeper with a body vice. The crowd cheered raucously on Hornet's behalf as Sands worked in the hold. Finally, Hornet was able to break free, fighting to his feet and elbowing his way out. However, Sands shut him down with a kick to the leg. A smirking Sands attempted to apply the Scorpion Deathlock, but Hornet kicked his way out of it before it was applied. The legend fought back with a series of clotheslines, but Sands soon barred the arm and took him down into a camel clutch. The crowd again cheered Hornet on, and soon enough he powered to his feet and backed Sands into the corner hard, breaking the hold. Hornet chopped away at his opponent and whipped him across the ring, but Sands was able to block the Hornet Splash with a raised boot. As Hornet staggered, Sands hooked him up for the Sand Blaster, but Hornet fought out of it with elbows. The two chopped away at each other before Sands hit a knee to Hornet's gut and whipped him towards a corner, but Hornet reversed and sent Sands into the turnbuckles. Setting himself up, Hornet rushed in for the Hornet Splash, but as Hornet charged Sands feigned an injury, thus luring the referee in front of him to unwittingly block the move! The official was sandwiched by Hornet's momentum and slumped down to the canvas, unconscious.
As if on cue, a large figure rushed down the ramp - it was Autumn, another soldier of the new blood. As Hornet readied himself for another Hornet Splash, Autumn jumped him from behind and slugged away at the legend's back. Hornet attempted to retaliate, but Sands joined in the fray. The two-on-one odds overwhelmed Hornet long enough for Sands and Autumn to hook him up, hitting a high-angle Sand Blaster with Autumn lifting and slamming down Hornet's legs for added momentum! The crowd booed as Autumn slid out of the ring as the referee recovered. Dropping across Hornet, Sands hooked the legend's leg, and the official counted the one-two-three! As "Dark Machine" played over the PA system, Sands slid out of the ring to where Autumn waited at the foot of the ramp. The two new-blood allies raised their hands in victory, leaving an irate Hornet to glare after them, robbed of victory by the machinations of the new blood.
Winner: Christian Sands
JS: Up next, Cleaver O'Connor gets his shot, as Merritt pits the New Blood against the Greensboro Heavyweight Champion, Jean Rabesque! We'll be right back.
Jean Rabesque vs. Cleaver O'Connor
The Greensboro Championship was on the line as the champion Jean Rabesque was challenged by the his “New Blood” opponent picked by Merritt, Cleaver O'Connor. The opening lockup was broken up by a knee from Cleaver, stunning Rabesque and allowing the bigger man to force him down to a knee. The wily Rabesque was not so easily defeated, however. Shooting forward, he clipped out O'Connor's legs and attempted to apply a Boston crab. Cleaver fought it off, leaving Rabesque to settle for a headlock. Fighting to his feet, O'Connor attempted a back suplex, but Rabesque flipped through and landed on his feet, connecting with a chopblock to the back of Cleaver's right leg. Diligently, Rabesque dropped a few knees across Cleaver's leg, then grabbed the calf and raised it off the canvas, only to slam the entire leg back down to the mat with authority.
Realizing he was in trouble, O'Connor fought to the ropes. Rabesque moved in and fired off a knife-edged chop, but O'Connor slugged him down out of desperation. As Rabesque recovered, O'Connor whipped him into the ropes and heaved the Greensboro Champion off the mat with a big powerslam, holding on for the pin - however, he scored only a two count as Rabesque lifted his shoulders. Undaunted, the Scot scooped Rabesque off the mat and bodyslammed him powerfully. As Rabesque pushed himself to his feet, O'Connor again whipped him into the ropes, catching him with a huge high angle back drop on the rebound! Again, however, only a count of two was earned. Slugging away at Rabesque, O'Connor slapped on a rear waistlock and threw a German suplex. Alas, 'twas not to be: Rabesque locked his legs about O'Connor's trunk to block the move, then rolled forward into a cradle pin! The surprised crowd thought it was over, but O'Connor managed to muscle out just before the three.
From there Rabesque resumed control of the match. O'Connor attempted a clothesline but was met by a quick drop toehold, dropping Cleaver to the canvas. Driving a series of elbows into O'Connor's right leg, Rabesque applied a side leg lock, but O'Connor was able to fight to the ropes. Rabesque ran to the ropes and delivered a basement dropkick to the knee of a standing O'Connor. Again the Berwick native fought to his feet, but Rabesque took him down with a northern lights suplex. Still the big Scot would not go down. Rabesque, however, was unfazed, whipping O'Connor into the ropes and catching him with a bulldog on the rebound. The veteran followed by delivering a fisherman's suplex to O'Connor, bridging for a pin; however, he scored only a two count.
Grabbing O'Connor by the right ankle, Rabesque applied an anklelock. O'Connor howled in pain as the accomplished technician Rabesque wrenched in the hold, dropping to one knee to anchor himself. Clawing at the canvas, O'Connor tried to fight to the ropes. However, with O'Connor's hand inches away from the rope, Rabesque pulled him back into the center of the ring. This was the opportunity O'Connor needed. With Rabesque up from his anchored position, O'Connor flipped over and kicked Rabesque in the gut with his free leg, repeating the motion several times. Rabesque's grip was shaken loose, and he tumbled into the ropes, rebounding for O'Connor to drop him with a desperation facebuster!
Both men lay sprawled in the ring, but managed to get up by the count of six. Immediately Rabesque fired off a huge chop, but O'Connor responded by slugging Rabesque down to his hands and knees. O'Connor quickly set Rabesque up for a powerbomb and heaved him onto his shoulders, but his bad leg suddenly gave out. The two fell to the mat in a heap, with Rabesque landing across O'Connor in a pinning position! The referee made his count - but O'Connor, unwilling to give up, forced his shoulder up milliseconds before the three!
Grasping a handful of O'Connor's hair, Rabesque pulled the challenger to his feet and chopped him liberally. He attempted a DDT, but O'Connor grabbed the top rope with one hand, causing Rabesque to fall to the canvas by himself. O'Connor capitalized with a big elbow drop. Taking a moment to massage his ailing knee gingerly, O'Connor dragged Rabesque to his feet and delivered a man-sized snap suplex, followed by an even more man-sized vertical suplex. Yet the tandem of suplexes failed to secure the match, as Rabesque kicked out at two. Signaling to the crowd, O'Connor set Rabesque up for the Heat Stroke. However, as he attempted to lift Rabesque, the Greensboro Champion grabbed him by the leg and took him down out of nowhere, stomping the gut and knee repeatedly. Without so much as a signal, he slapped O'Connor into his patented figure-four leglock!
As his leg was torn apart by the hold, O'Connor howled in agony, but Rabesque was unmoved by his wails. However, something else DID move him - literally. Rushing down the ramp was Nathan Cross, steel chair in hand. Before the referee could stop him, Cross rushed into the ring and slammed the steel down across Rabesque's head! The bell began to ring, signaling a disqualification victory for Rabesque, but Cross was relentless. He mashed the chair into Rabesque's body multiple times, disfiguring the piece of furniture. As O'Connor rolled to safety, holding his knee in pain, Cross continued to beat Rabesque. Finally the attacker tossed his weapon aside. Nudging Rabesque disdainfully with the toe of his boot, Cross turned and headed for the locker room, leaving the Greensboro Champion down and out in the ring!
Winner (by disqualification): Jean Rabesque
JS: When we return from one final break, it's Troy Windham vs. JJ DeVille in a special surprise main event!
(CUE UP: “Song 2” by Blur.)
(CUT TO: Clips of Troy Windham, shirtless, riding in a cherry red sports car on an interstate. Troy Windham, in bright blue spandex longpants, comes walking out, sneer on his face, looking at the crowd with complete disgust.)
JS: Manny, tonight, I think we’re going to see the Troy Windham of old!
MJ: Juan it not nice to call Troy old. He killed for less. I should know. I lost an uncle at his hands just two weeks ago! He brutal Juan, but Manny not complain. Manny get much from will. Sad for Uncle’s family, but HD in Manny’s game room now. Come one, come all.
JS: Wouldn’t your Uncle’s family, be your family too?
MJ: (ignoring the question.) Manny have no idea what this nino JJ DeVille is thinking! His old boss is one of best of all-time. He going to be taught a lesson tonight! I hope he like public educations.
JS: Oh Jeez. Here we go again with the rant about standardize test being racist.
MJ: Juan, Manny say nothing.
JS: Thank you.
MJ: Ignorant inner-city kids left behind, say all for me.
(CUE UP: “Hey Ya” by Outkast. CUT TO: JJ DeVille running right out, staring at the ring with pure intensity. The crowd starts to go nuts. CUT TO: A fan holding a sign that says “This match brought to you by the letter J.” JJ walks to the ring, the intensity turning to nervers, as he stands on the apron as Troy adjusts his boots, smirking.)
JS: I think JJ is realizing right now that this is a main event match, the whole world watching, as he called out his mentor, a man who LIVES for this type of atmosphere.
MJ: Not only that Juan, but Troy was born in type of atmosphere. The Windhams, notorious swingers. Boy Troy conceived in front of large audience in Texas tool shed.
JS: Why were you hired again?
MJ: JJ, he may have shown us something these past few weeks, but tonight he bite off more than he can chew. Focus on game, Juan. On game...
(Referee Ben Worthington calls for the bell. JJ gets down in a crouch as Troy stands in the corner with a sneer/smirk combo, condescension personified.)
JS: JJ and Troy now both in the ring and Troy is putting his arms up for a test of strength. And JJ takes him on!
MJ: JJ outweighed by fifty pounds? What’s he thinking Juan? Blame the false confidence penis enlargement pills gives a man. JJ may have added 3-4 inches, but he crushed like bug here.
JS: Troy and JJ muscling each other up… but Troy just shoves JJ to the mat! JJ goes tumbling over to his back and into the corner. Troy stands over him, his arms on his hips, tapping his boot.
MJ: Troy WANTS to get in JJ’s head and intimidate him. Why? Real estate Juan. Lots of empty space in there to claim for country. Troy much like Columbine years ago.
JS: Columbus, you nit. JJ getting back up. Troy challenges for another test of strength—no! Troy with a go-behind waistlock, and now he whips JJ into the corner! JJ bounces out of the corner—Troy with a fireman’s carry! He spins around—SLACKKNIFE! NO! JJ BARELY got out of the way! JJ again back in the corner, slouched. He looks completely out of his league!
MJ: That’s the old Spinning SlackKnife he used to use years ago. From any angle he can hit that move and end a match. (a second of silence) Don’t be too surprised Juan. Manny read the back of Troy’s action figure. Biographical information rules all.
JS: And Troy Windham is showing JJ that, telling JJ he was ONE INCH away from hitting that move. Troy now telling all the fans the same thing. He now turns towards JJ—SUPERKICK! SUPERKICK! JJ DEVILLE JUST NAILED TROY WINDHAM UNDER THE CHIN WITH A SUPERKICK! (The crowd goes NUTS—leaping up and down.) TROY WINDHAM IS OUT COLD!
MJ: If a tree fell in a forest...
JS: JJ can’t believe it! His mouth is open in complete and total shock! He finally realizes he has a former CSWA World Champion knocked out cold! HE COVERS! ONNNE! TWOOOO! THREEEENOOO! Windham BARELY kicked out! (The crowd starts chanting JAY JAY JAY JAY JAY.)
MJ: JJ right there came ONE INCH from winning this match! Juan, he need to borrow the 2-3 extra from his groin to get the pin. Still too short.
JS: Windham trying to shake the cobwebs out. JJ now behind Troy—he lances Windham in the back with a side kick! And another! Windham holding the small of his back, on his knees. Now JJ...JJ DROPKICKS TROY RIGHT IN THE NECK!
MJ: Troy have bad neck! Too many beach trips, rubber neckin’ WB “IT” girls. You can learn to be a playa, but dealin with the side-effect, is something else.
JS: Now JJ hops on Troy’s back and has him—CAMEL CLUTCH! Troy screaming in pain. But he reaches for the ropes.
MJ: JJ’s inexperience shining like Manny’s voice in shower. If I were in his shoes, I apologize and run like hell.
JS: Nice. JJ forced to break the hold. Troy shoulderblocks JJ and takes him down with a double leg takedown. He has the legs—NO! JJ ROLLS TROY UP! ONE! TWO! NO! Troy and JJ both up—Troy with a clothesline, JJ HITS TROY WITH A CRUCIFIX! ONE! TWO! NO! Troy sitting back, completely shocked! And JJ is stomping the mat as this crowd is SOLIDLY behind him!
MJ: JJ’s got all the momentum in the world right now. Troy’s gotta do something to stop it!
JS: JJ’s fists are a fire as he forces Troy into the corner. JJ whips Troy—no! reversal! JJ into the corner. Troy charges and levels his former charge with a Texan lariat clothesline! He props JJ up with a waistlock go behind, no, JJ spins out of the way. Troy charges with another lariat but JJ meets him with a textbook sidekick to the stomach. Troy hunched over… JJ WITH A SLACKNIFE! JJ HITS TROY WITH HIS OWN MOVE! COVER! ONNEEEE! TWOOOO! THREENOOOO!
MJ: Troy losing to his own move? That like the Fonze losing the Cunninghams to an exchange student. The horror, Juan.
JS: JJ DeVille has DOMINATED his mentor this match, taking it right to him! Troy in the corner, holding his neck…
TROY: JJ, my neck—
JS: JJ pauses—AND OH NO! TROY WINDHAM JUST WENT DOWN LOW ON JJ AND HIT HIM RIGHT IN BETWEEN THE LEGS! (The crowd starts to boo Troy.)
MJ: Look at Troy’s face! Amazed like Manny that JJ DeVille fell for the oldest trick in the book. See, even when we give people credit for being stupid, they surprise us still.
TROY: (Points to someone in the audience who is really getting on him.) Shut your fat face, pal, before I make your girlfriend bleed!
(CROWD: WINDHAM SUCKS! WINDHAM SUCKS!)
JS: Troy pauses as this crowd is now ENTIRELY against him. He now has JJ and starts choking him across the top rope as Worthington counts. Troy lets go but starts to choke JJ across the rope again. Worthing again counts but again Troy starts to choke him.
TROY: Come on, punk! Huh? Call me out, punk!
JS: And now Troy slaps JJ in the face, throwing him to the mat!
MJ: That’s the intimidation factor again. JJ had all the momentum in the world but couldn’t get it done. Now Troy’s going to slow the pace, get this kid doubting himself and take him apart.
JS: Troy now picks JJ up—bodyslam. He sits JJ up and bounces off the ropes fast—no, he pulls up… FARGO STRUT! (The crowd cackles.) And then he just pokes JJ in the eye! Now Troy spins around celebrating like he just won Game 7!
MJ: Always the consummate showman! That’s why he’s banned from American Idol, Juan. He’d show up all the black divas with no personality. Racist votes on the Islands may like that, but not Michael Moore.
JS: Subtle political humor now, finally after a year we get a bonus. JJ up and he punches Troy in the gut! And again! But Troy meets him with an eye rake! And another! Now Troy scoops JJ up—backbreaker! He gets up again—another backbreaker! And now a third! Troy now off the ropes and delivers an elbow drop to JJ’s back!
MJ: Staying on him like a veteran should! Ride him Troy, like American solider on hooded Iraqi skum.
JS: Troy now picks JJ up and whips him into the corner… JJ bounces out, Windham off the ropes—WEST TEXAN BULLDOG! COVER! ONE! TWO! NO! JJ kicks out! Windham up and looks around the ring… and he’s gesturing that he wants a belt around his waist… and now… now he’s mimicking like he’s an ape!
MJ: He’s mocking World Champion Dan Ryan, Juan! Though he could have done that, just by asking the crowd for a four-letter word for ass. Troy way works too.
JS: Windham grabs JJ by the hair… he hoists him… HUMILITY BOMB! HE JUST DELIVERED THAT HIGH ANGLE POWERBOMB THAT IS THE SPECIALTY OF OUR WORLD CHAMPION! WINDHAM COVERS! ONE! TWO! THRNOOO! JJ JUST KICKED OUT!
MJ: Troy’s been watching everyone on the roster, apparently, despite his busy schedule starring on the WB’s new show South Beach Sun Cops! Justice never looked so good!
JS: Windham again choking JJ over the ropes… but now he picks him up and slams him down. Troy now on the ring apron… taking to the air! Troy on the top rope—
TROY: (Cups his hands and cocks back.) OOWWWWWWW! (Troy then grabs his lower back, pretending to wince in pain.)
MJ: Now he’s mocking Hornet! See Juan, I describe pictures for American audience too drunk to figure out for ‘selves. Like Sammy...
JS: AND NOW HE JUST CAME OFF WITH A PICTURE PERFECT SHOOTING STAR PRESS! I’VE NEVER SEEN HIM DO THAT! HE’S SMILING AT THE CROWD! COVER! ONEEEEEE! TWOOOOO! THREENNNOOO! JJ GOT HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES!
MJ: Windham showing that he’s the most versatile athlete in our sport today. He can go power, he can go in the air. And he can also use Hornet’s move! JJ’s resilient but lucky that he’s still alive in this match!
JS: Windham off the ropes, a knee to the back! Now Troy is up and hooks the legs, turning to the crowd with a smirk… bridges back…
MJ: DEVASTATOR! TROY WINDHAM APING MIKE RANDALLS! Tony Randalls would have been better, but admittedly in poor taste.
JS: JJ is SCREAMING in pain!
TROY: GIVE UP NOW, YOU (BLEEP)FACE!
JS: Troy WRENCHING on DeVille’s back that he was working on. JJ crossfaced, his neck bent back, in the middle of the squared circle!
MJ: The kid should tap now. He’s put up a good fight! Most Tivo’ed moment of the week, for sure.
(The crowd starts stomping and clapping as JJ reaches towards the ropes.)
JS: JJ not giving up! He’s screaming in pain, almost crying but he’s reaching for the bottom rope!
(CROWD: JAY! JAY! JAY! JAY!)
JS: JJ continuing to crawl! He’s almost there.
TROY: GIIIIVE UPPPPPP!!!!
JS: Troy REALLY reaching back now!
MJ: He’s gonna tap! He looks completely broken!
JS: JJ reaching with one… last… gasp…
(The crowd ERUPTS!)
JS: HE DID IT! HE DID IT! JJ DEVILLE JUST GRABBED THE BOTTOM ROPE! WORTHINGTON IS MAKING WINDHAM BREAK THE HOLD!
MJ: DeVille… he just went from being a kid to a man RIGHT there! I don’t know, I wasn’t giving him a chance before but I’m starting to believe a little bit… and when Manny believes, mountains move, and peace spreads....oh I believe that children are our future...
JS: Windham can’t believe it! He backs JJ into the corner… chop to the chest! (Crowd: WOO!) And another! (WOO!) Troy now whips JJ across to the other corner, and JJ collapses like a ton of bricks.
MJ: Troy’s angry! He thinks he should’ve put this one away.
JS: Troy again has JJ in the corner… a chop! (Crowd: WOO!) And another! (Crowd: WOO!) Troy now whips JJ into the corner AGAIN! JJ hits hard. Troy lollygags over— SPEAR! SPEAR! OHHNOOO!
MJ: JJ just knocked Troy out with that! And the ref! Worthington poorly positioned, like usual! And Manny was the only ref in CSWA history to be fired. Irony.
JS: JJ DEVILLE JUST HIT TROY WINDHAM WITH A DESPERATION SPEAR! BUT WINDHAM FLEW BACK AND HIT WORTHINGTON! TROY IS HOLDING HIS NECK! HE CAME BACK ON IT HARD!
MJ: This match could be over if a ref with proper footwork was in there right now! I still miss it Juan. Listen to these good people, they want Manny in there...
JS: JJ covers Troy! But there’s no ref!
(CROWD: ONNNNNEEEE! TWOOOOO!!!! THREEEEEEE!!!)
JS: JJ is pounding the mat! He has a true ring legend beat right there!
MJ: This would be the biggest upset of my illustrious career, Juan!
JS: JJ slowly up… he picks Troy—no! Troy forearms JJ! Now he picks JJ up—STUN GUN ACROSS THE TOP ROPE! HE JUST DROPPED DEVILLE ACROSS THE ROPE BY HIS THROAT! JJ holding his neck, gasping for air!
MJ: Troy holding HIS neck, also! Damn beach strike again.
JS: Troy on the ring apron now… AGAIN going to the ropes! He’s slowly getting up… and JJ sees this and pulls on the top rope! Windham just fell spread eagle over the top rope!
MJ: I don’t think he’ll be hittin’ the new poontang tonight!
JS: JJ climbing to the top! He has Windham—SUPERPLEX! AND HE ROLLS THROUGH IT! INVERTED DRAGON SLEEPER!
MJ: We saw him do this move at Primetime! Shades of the great Evan Aho, a onetime partner of JJ’s!
JS: AND WINDHAM’S TAPPING! THAT MOVE IS TOO MUCH FOR HIS OFT-INJURED NECK! BUT WORTHINGTON IS OUT! WINDHAM TAPPING FURIOUSLY!
MJ: I can’t even hear right now, this crowd is so loud! (turns to people around him) Shut up, Manny can’t hear himself think. Bad Americans.
JS: JJ lets go of the hold and goes to Worthington, shaking him so he starts to come to.
MJ: Again, inexperience. I would’ve stayed on that hold as long as possible! Not that I could do better...
JS: Windham on his knees—JJ double chickenwings him… SPINNING PEDIGREE! HE CALLS THAT THE COUP DEVILLE!
MJ: What a great finisher! Windham’s out cold!
JS: This crowd is going bonkers! JJ covers Troy! Worthington starting to come to! He sees the pin…
CROWD: ONNNNNEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEE-
JS: NO! NO! NO! NO! WINDHAM GOT HIS FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE! TROY WINDHAM SOME HOW GOT HIS FOOT ON THE ROPE!
MJ: He’s ALWAYS been able to dig down deep and find away! And now look at JJ—completely besides himself.
(JJ on his knees, holding up three fingers to Worthington, pounding the mat.)
MJ: This is where it’s tough for kids like this. He’s given it his all so far and it hasn’t been good enough. He doesn’t have the experience to win a match like this!
JS: JJ is now in the corner… and he’s tapping his foot on the mat! (The crowd claps along!) COME ON AMERICA! Windham getting up, JJ with the SuperKick—NO! TROY DODGES! HE PUTS JJ UP ON HIS SHOULDER! FIREMAN’S CARRY! NOW HE SPINS—SLACK KNIFE! SLACK KNIFE! SLACK KNIFE!
MJ: He couldn’t hook that move before but now he just did!
JS: Troy on the mat! He’s out of it. JJ DeVille is out cold. Troy turns and sees JJ… wipes sweat off his brow and shakes his head… and crawls with the cover! This is going to be it! ONNNNEEEE! TWOOOOOO! THHREEE—
(The crowd just POPS. Everyone up at once.)
CROWD: JAY! JAY! JAY!
MJ: NO WAY! NO WAY, JAY JAY!
JS: JAY JAY DEVILLE JUST GOT HIS FOOT ON THE ROPE! HE JUST KICKED OUT OF THAT SPINNING SLACKKNIFE! HE SOMEHOW GOT HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES! TROY THINKS HE WON THIS MATCH! HE’S ARGUING WITH WORTHINGTION!
MJ: JAY JAY WITH A ROLL-UP!
CROWD: ONNNE!!! TWOOOOO! THREEEEE—
JS: NO! WINDHAM KICKS OUT!
MJ: JAY JAY WAS JUST AN INCH AWAY!
JS: BOTH MEN UP—TROY WITH A KICK TO THE GUT! HE SPINS—SLACKKNIFE—NO! BACK SLIDE!
CROWD: ONNNNNEEE! TWOOOO!!!
MJ: NO (BLEEP)ING WAY!
JS: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!
CROWD: JAY! JAY! JAY! JAY
JS: DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRALCES?
(CUT TO: The crowd, all standing up, chanting JAY JAY JAY as “Hey Ya” by Outkast can barely be heard over all the noise. JJ gets up and stumbles backwards onto the second corner as Worthington walks over and raises his hand. Troy is on his knees, shaking his head in disbelief.)
MJ: I can’t believe what I just saw…
JS: Folks, JJ DeVille… Troy Windham’s former lackey… just beat Troy Windham, fair and square in the middle of the ring! I can’t believe it. These fans can’t believe it! Troy Windham can’t believe it!
MJ: And JJ can’t believe it either!
(JJ pointing to the crowd, still celebrating. Troy Windham gets up and turns JJ around! The crowd is hushed as another song with guitars, not “Hey Ya” is on but unrecognizable.)
JS: What’s Windham doing?
(JJ looks scared and intimidated. Troy grabs him—and gives him a hug. He then raises JJ’s hand in the air as the crowd goes nuts! Troy leads him to all four sides of the ring then hugs JJ again, applauding and rolls out of the ring.)
MJ: The right thing, Juan!
(The music gets more recognizable.)
JS: Troy Windham, JJ DeVille’s former employer, has left the ring for the kid he tormented to enjoy this moment! Folks, this is for all the kids without a prom date! This is for all the kids who stayed in reading comic books on a Friday night! This is for all the people who were told that they’d never fit in, they’d never belong! THIS IS FOR THE NEW ORIGINAL… JAY JAY DEVILLE!
MJ: Sing along, everybody!
(JJ stands on the middle turnbuckle, raising his hands in triumph, tears streaming down his face. Weezer’s power chords come over the speaker.)
CROWD: SAY ITTT AIIIIIN’TTTT SOOOOOOO!