CSWA: ON TIME Special Edition
July 14, 2005
CSWA Auditorium, Greensboro, NC
A special pre-ANNIVERSARY edition of CSWA: ON TIME only for the viewers on CSWAwrestling.com!
(CUT TO: Billy Buckley, Jr. with Rudy Seitzer, standing on an old-school set. The two are wearing suits, holding microphones with cords attached, a blue-screen shot of Earth from a satellite with the lettering CSWA ON TIME in retro-font. The camera PANS right to a crowd of about 750 in the special Wrestling IMAX Theater at the CSWA Auditorium. The crowd -- die-hard Southern rasslin‘ fans -- are going CRAZY for the camera, leaping in front, making various hand gestures.)
BILLY: Welcome folks to this special ONLINE pre-Anniversary edition of CSWA: ON TIME! I’m Billy Buckley, here with my colleague Rudy Seitzer --
RUDY: It’s a pleasure, folks --
BILLY: Bringing you this SPECIAL edition of CSWA: ON TIME! We’re just over ONE WEEK away from the another ANNIVERSARY spectacular CSWA17, celebrating our 17th anniversary. With a main event involving Dan Ryan, Vacant, Vince Jacobs and Troy Windham.
RUDY: It should be a great one, Billy. Four great competitors all competing for the top position in our sport today!
BILLY: But tonight, tonight we’re here for a special event. Commissioner Steve Thomas has announced a special match here tonight pitting the two top wrestlers from our training academy here in Greensboro. And the winner of this match gets a CSWA Contract and will make his in-ring debut at CSWA17!
RUDY: A chance to debut on the biggest stage of them all!
BILLY: In one corner is Diablo Donovan -- (CUT TO: A lanky 6’6” guy dressed in all red with a “devilish” goatee, stroking it, as he smirks, the word “BRIMSTONE” on his chest in white lettering.) And his opponent tonight is “Downtown” Daryl Kegan. (CUT TO: A scrawny indie-looking cruiser kid -- bad crew cut, skinny muscle mass, in black European singlet with his face airbrushed on the crotch of his pants with a backdrop of a city skyline. He‘s grabbing the top ropes, stretching out his quads.) Rudy, tell us the scouting report on these kids! You’ve worked with them at the training camp--
RUDY: Well, Billy, they’re a contrast of styles. Diablo is just that -- he’s devilish in both appearance and style. He likes punishing his foes and getting in their heads. Talking trash. His opponent, Daryl Kegan, is a small kid with a TON of heart. He likes moving fast, hitting surprise moves and he will NEVER give up a battle.
BILLY: Well, Pee Wee Troutman has just called for the bell and it’s on! Donovan cackles with laughter as he points at Kegan. Kegan stomping the mat, rallying these fans behind him.
RUDY: Kegan is very emotional, Billy, and plays off these fans. He’s a very exciting and excitable. A lot of fun to watch.
BILLY: Donovan has Kegan in a waistlock, but Kegan reverses. Kegan with a snap mare, Diablo back up quickly. Diablo with a snap mare and --
(CUE UP: “Beverly Hills” by Weezer. The crowd goes NUTS! Both Kegan and Diablo stop wrestling, looking around at what’s going on. At that point, confetti starts falling from the sky. From the back, two bimbos dressed in lingerie come out wheeling a 35-foot-high wedding cake. Now in the stands, OTHER lingerie models -- by the dozens, come out, wheeling down carts of some kind. The crowd of mostly guys, of course, is going CRAZY. Then wheeling out behind even MORE lingerie-models is AUGUST DE LA ROSSI, along with THE MYSTERIOUS ZOLTAN. They pause as TROY WINDHAM -- dress shirt, tie, slacks -- comes walking out.)
BILLY: WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?
RUDY: WHAT, BILLY? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!
(The crowd is going CRAZY as now STREAMERS start flying out. Loud fireworks go off on top of the arena roof. It looks like the end of a political convention. Many in the crowd are chanting WIN DHAM WIN DHAM but others are saying SUCKS afterwards. Troy soaks it in -- holding his arms out wide, his head down.)
TROY: Tonight, tonight we are here for a CELEBRATION! A celebration of the most important figure in your lives… TONIGHT WE CELEBRATE ME!
BILLY: What in god’s name is he talking about?
(Troy grabs one model by her hair with one hand. Then another comes up. They look at Troy. He laughs. He starts making out with one. And then the other. And then he stops, looks at the two of them -- and then the two lingerie models start making out with each other, Troy right there. The girls are going at it hardcore -- they’ve obviously done this kinda thing before -- grabbing each other’s tops, molesting legs, etc.)
TROY: Someone from the league office called one of my many agents and informed me of something. Before tonight, I had made exactly 499 appearances on a CSWA Television show. That’s 499 times I came out on national television and made everyone at home -- guy or girl -- cream their jeans. That’s 499 times I came out here and showed the world what a REAL performer looks like. That’s 499 times I have come out here and cut a promo that had the world abuzz or wrestled in a match so amazing that records weren’t just broken, they were shattered. That’s 499 times I have come out here and been the TOP DOG in this sport.
(Troy looks at Zoltan and nods. Zoltan steps forward. The two of them walk towards the ring together.)
TROY: Tonight is my 500th CSWA appearance. And tonight, we celebrate that fact. Because, for 499 other times, I have been what EVERYONE in this promotion gets compared to. For 499 times, I have steeped on toes, climbed up backs, made out with girls and kicked some ay-assssss….
(Zoltan hops the apron as the two rookies are held at bay. A lingerie model takes Troy’s tie off him while two other undress his shirt.)
And that is why, that is why I am Mister CSWA. And that is why CSWA17 is *MY* show. It is a night where Eli Flair, my eternal footnote retires from this sport… on a night when Hornet goes down the card where he rightfully belongs… it is a night where TROY WINDHAM WILL WIN THE TOP BELT IN THIS INDUSTRY FOR THE SECOND TIME… And that is why *EYE* will determine YOUR fates tonight. I am Troy Windham. I AM MISTER CSWA. And tonight, tonight YOU LEAVE MY LEAGUE FOREVER!
(Windham rolls under the ring.)
BILLY: And Zoltan climbs the ropes. Zoltan has Referee Pee Wee Troutman in his clutches… HE JUST CHOKESLAMMED HIM! And now Diablo goes after Troy -- Troy with a shoulder to Diablo’s gut. And now -- SLACK KNIFE! SLACK KNIFE! Zoltan now picks that kid off the ground -- CHOKESLAM! And now the small kid, Kegan… he flies at Troy with a flying forearm. NO EFFECT ON WINDHAM! Troy grabs him off the ground -- DDT! Now Windham perched on the second rope… Zoltan going for another choke slam -- NO! Windham calls him off!
RUDY: August is directing traffic outside the ring! He’s got those girls setting up a table!
BILLY: WINDHAM HAS THIS ROOKIE… HE HOISTS HIM… WINDHAM JUST POWERBOMBED THAT KID OFF THE MIDDLE ROPE THROUGH A TABLE AT RINGSIDE!
(The crowd is going NUTS at that! Troy cackles at the carnage below him and starts beating his chest. Troy then points up towards the top of the arena. On his cue, dozens of banners drop from the ceiling all at once. All of the banners have the same theme -- a crowned Troy Windham with CSWA17: CORONATION OF A KING underneath his face.)
RUDY: I think that may have been a message for Dan Ryan!
BILLY: I think that was a message for everyone!
TROY: Oh, did that feel good! Like I said, CSWA17 is MY show. It’s the night Troy Windham faces off against three lesser men and regains and restores the most sought after title in the HISTORY of this sport. It’s a night where I… Troy Windham… will leave no doubt in the minds of everyone watching what he TRULY is. And that is… THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME. CSWA17 is the night where Troy Windham will win the title and the night where Troy Windham will once again be crowned the top man in this industry. CSWA17 is the night when the world will witness the CORONATION… OF A KING!
(The first rookie, Diablo Donovan, starts getting to his feet. Troy snatches him by the hair.)
TROY: And when I sit upon the throne of this industry, I will tell all the doubters, all the haters, all the people who wish they could be… a little more like Big Daddy T… one thing. You can’t have my title. You can’t have my life. But I will let you do one thing.
(Troy slaps the kid across the face and smirks.)
TROY: I… will let you eat… cake!
(Troy takes Donovan and whips him over the top rope. The kid goes sailing RIGHT into the 35-foot wedding cake tower, letting it crash to the ground. Then, in the arena, the lingerie models start passing out plates with cake slices and forks. The two lingerie models making out with each other earlier roll into the ring, each with plates. They start feeding Troy. Then the girls at ringside start taking cake bits from the floor and throwing them at each other. Then, on cue, the crowd starts throwing it at them. They throw it back. And then, all over the arena, a huge food-fight begins as cake goes flying everywhere.)
(CUE UP: “Beverly Hills” by Weezer. Troy Windham stands on the middle rope, his arms triumphant, as the camera fades back and shows the insanity of a 1,000 person food-fight.)