??: HEY POWERS!

(Turning around Powers sees that the voice belongs to Nate Logan, an old CSWA rookie, but GXW vet.)

KP: Well well, if it isn’t Zero for hire. How ya doin’ bubba?

NL: Funny Powers, but remember that when you are in the bread line cause at least I GOT hired by someone. I’m not forced to retire.

KP: Don’t start boy. I’m not being forced to retire cause I made the promise and I intend to follow through with it.

NL: Spare me the mellow dramatics. Don’t give me that ‘I intend to keep a promise crap.’ Since when did YOU ever keep a promise? Or … should I bring up some history?

KP: You know, how about, just for once, you SHUT YOUR BIG YAPPER!

NL: Cute, but how about this one Powers. When you are sitting on your retired ass you can turn into ON TIME in ANAHEIM and see how someone can actually WIN a match … unlike yourself.

KP: You? WIN? You mean how you looked like a winner when Liezure laid your ass out? Oh yeah … way to go there champ!

NL: At least I know where my next paycheck will be coming from. It’ll be legit. Unlike how you pimp your ho Fairhurst out so that you can get a couple of bucks.

KP: Boy, watch your mouth or ..

BB: Wow…what exciting action here tonight folks and we’ve still got more to come! It looks like part-time investigative reporter is headed out to the ring. Here comes M. Harry Smilek.

SB: The last interview I saw him get was with Havoc…that must have been months ago. Look at how he dresses…almost like you!

BB: Cut it out! Smilek is on the ring on has grabbed the house microphone.

(Smilek pulls some index cards out of his CSWA blazer and proceeds to read them out loud.)

SMILEK: Ladies and gentlemen, may I please have your attention. I have been asked to make this major announcement. It is an honor and a privilege for me to introduce to each and every one of you, making a rare appearance anywhere...let alone the CSWA. You’ve seen him for years, grown up listen to his music, and I am here tonight to bring him out for an interview. Ladies and gentlemen…the KING OF POP!

(Smilek motions his arm toward the ramp-way and everyone’s head turns in that direction. The lights then cut out and all that can be seen are flashes from cameras in the audience.)

(CUE UP: “Beat It” by Michael Jackson)

(A single spotlight shines down on the “King of Pop”. He is standing with his back to the crowd, his hands in his pockets. The crowd erupts into cheers. The “king” then swiftly does a 180 turn. He is wearing a red leather jumpsuit with black lines running diagonally on it and a black hat hiding his face. As the crowd continues to cheer he pulls his right hand out, revealing a white sequenced glove. He then quickly makes a stopping motion with his hand and after a long dramatic pause in the same pose, he takes the other hand and flips his hat off. After another long dramatic pause in the same pose, Sammy Benson and Bill Buckley notice something.)

SB: Since when did the “King of Pop” have blonde hair? And another thing, he looks a lot darker.

BB: Sammy, I think Smilek got duped.

(The man on stage then starts to do a dance. The activator from his blonde gheri curl splashes off his head, with every movement. He then grabs his crotch and does a few stutter steps, before walking down to the ring. With every step he takes, the walk-way beneath him lights up. The arena lights cut back on and Smilek is in the ring in disbelief. The man walks up the ring steps and on to the apron. The then moonwalks to the middle of the apron and climbs into the ring. He starts blowing kisses out to the audience and looks to be touched. When the audience realizes he isn’t the real deal, they begin to boo.)

SMILEK: What is this about? I was told that I would have an exclusive with the King of Pop! I don’t know who you are…but you aren’t Michael Jackson!  

????????: (In a soft spoken voice.) Excuse you, Smilek. You are looking at the King of Pop…my name is….SHAMON! OHHHH! UHHHH! HEEE! HEEEEE! (Does the “hot hand” dance move.)

SMILEK: Well what is it?

SHAMON: What do you mean? I just told you and for those of you that were like Smilek and didn’t pick up on it, my name is…UHHH! OHHHH! EWWWW! HEEE! HEEE! SHAMON! (Starts wiggling his shoulders.) SHAMON! SHAMON! UH UH! SHAMON!

SMILEK: Shamon? Ummm…alright. Well, what brings you here to the CSWA?

SHAMON: I’m glad you asked, Smilek. I’ve got a secret. I’ve got a bombshell announcement I am gonna drop. I am gonna expose an absolute and total FRAUD to the CSWA. But as much as you want me to, I’m not gonna reveal it now. But this message goes out to the backstabber…you know who you are! Watch your back, you never know WHEN…you never know WHERE…just know it’s gonna happen. I will find you, I will beat you, and then I am going to humiliate you. OHHH! SHAMON!

SMILEK:  Care to elaborate on that?

SHAMON: Not now…but soon. HEEE! HEEE! I’d also like to take this time to give a shout out to my favorite tag team in wrestling today, THE PROFESSIONALS! If you guys ever need someone to watch your back, all you gotta to give me a call…(In his best attempt to sing, dragging out each key longer than it should be and in a high pitch.) AND  I’LL…BE…THERE! (Does the cut sign with his hand across his throat and begins to talk in his normal soft spoken voice.) I just think those guys are greatest. If they don’t win the tag titles off Simply Stunning, then the World is just not right. And you know what else, Smilek?

SMILEK: What’s that?  

SHAMON: (Singing again, this time worse than before.) WE ARE THE WORLD! WE ARE THE CHILDREN! WE ARE THE ONES THAT MAKE A BRIGHTER DAY…SO LET’S START GIVING! OHHHHH! UHHHH! EWWW! HEEEEE HEEEEE! (Does different poses with his arms and feet before grabbing his crotch and swinging his head from side to side. He then speaks again, back to his normal voice.) So I want all you fans out there to not just give them your cheers…tonight when they are in that roofed steel cage, give them your hearts…give them your love…show them you care…

SMILEK: Please don’t start singing again. The way you are talking, it sounds like it’s headed that way.  

SHAMON: Smilek, you are SO RUDE! I’m gonna go now, so I can watch the rest of the show from my dressing room. I tried to give you a chance, an exclusive with Shamon…and you blew it! You better watch your back, too!

(Shamon runs his fingers through his hair and then flings activator into Smilek’s face. He then turns around and walks out, waving to the crowd as he leaves.)

BB: That was…well…interesting.

SB: I shudder to think of what kind of dirt he has on someone. Whatever it is, it can’t be pleasant.

BB: As promised, the Unified Tag Titles are on the line now, and inside a roofed steel cage.  This one could get really ugly.

SB:  Of course it will.  That's what happens when you have England's latest sugar substitute in a REAL match against REAL Professionals.

BB: Umm, hang with me folks, I'm hearing we've got some delayed footage being piped through now.  I understand it concerns the Professionals.

SB: Yeah, Hot Property and Cocky must be doing some wicked scheming!

(The camera cuts to two ladies walking down the corridor, looking at the names of the wrestlers on the doors, eventually they came to the door with PROFESSIONALS written on it.  The girls quickly check their makeup, then knock on the door.  A few moments later, Craig Miles opens the door.)

CM: Well hello ladies.

W1: Umm...Craig Miles?

CM: If you even have to ask the question, honey, you probably don't deserve the answer.

W2: Is Eddie in as well?

(Mayfield's voice is heard from within, then he peeks his head around the door.)

EM: That's MISTER Hot Property, sister.  What can I do for...(stops as he checks out the ladies one more time)...or for that matter, do TO you?

SB: Woooo...look Buckley, it seems that the Pros are getting some A-C-T-I-O-N!

BB: Will you stop?

W1: We just want to wish you guys the best of luck against Simply Stunning tonight.

CM: Is that all you're here for? You're talking to the PROFESSIONALS, sweetheart...we don't rely on luck.

EM: Now, on the other hand, if you have anything else you wish to give us, we'll be glad to entertain offers.

CM: Eddie, I'm a married man...

EM: We'll turn the cameras off, man...there'll be no proof, and it's all just a matter of semantics anyway.  You know, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman...she just gave me a hummer."

SB: Ha, Eddie is one smooth dog!

BB: He repulses me.

W1: Well maybe we do have something else to offer, can we come in?

CM: Oh, what the hell, what's the fun of being a Professional without the occasional groupie.  Right this way, ladies.  (Miles ushers the girls in.)

SB: WOO-HOO, KEEP THAT CAMERA ROLLING, THIS VIDEO COULD BEAT ALL THE OTHERS I HAVE AT HOME!

BB: What?

SB: Nothing, forget what I just said.

CM: So, what is it you have for us?

W1: Close your eyes, pucker up, and we'll give you something that you'll remember for a long time to come.

EM: Come on, Craig, you can blame it all on me later.  You only live once...

CM: Yeah, but probably not for much longer once the old lady sees this tape, but hell, one kiss can't hurt.

(Both Mayfield and Miles close their eyes and form their lips into a kissing style.)

W2: Here we go, I hope it leaves an impression on you!

(Suddenly Simply Stunning charge into the room with baseball bats.)

SB: WHAT THE HELL?

BB: SIMPLY STUNNING FLY IN ON THE PROFESSIONALS! HARDY AND WILCOX SWING THEIR BATS AND CLUB MILES AND MAYFIELD TO THE FLOOR!

SB: Those no good whores have double-crossed the PEE ARE OH!

BB: Wilcox grabs Miles and throws him into the dressing room mirror!  Shards of glass fly everywhere as blood squirts out of a dozen cuts on Cocky Craig Miles' face, that'll be more than seven years bad luck for him!

SB: Oh cute Buckley, very cute.

BB: Meanwhile Hardy has Mayfield on the floor and is laying the boots to him, Hot Property is holding his ribs, I think they may be cracked after those baseball bat shots earlier. Hardy picks up a jar of flowers, AND SMASHES THEM OVER MAYFIELD'S HEAD! THERE IS BLOOD STREAMING FROM THE FOREHEAD OF HOT PROPERTY!

SB: This is awful, both members of the Professionals are busted open and the tag match hasn't even started yet!

BB: Simply Stunning are giving the Professionals a taste of their own medicine, and neither Miles nor Mayfield seems to like it!

SB: I thought the Tag Champions were supposed to be baby-faces? They should be locked up. Thank God the referees are there, a bit too late though.

BB: Simply Stunning seem content with their work as they walk off with their lady friends, I guess they are the two they met in that bar earlier in the week.

SB: Do I look like I care, both Cocky Craig Miles and Hot Property Eddie Mayfield are lying in pools of their own blood, this is a travesty!

BB:  But apparently, the Pros are still going to wrestle in this match.

SB:  Of course they are....they're...

BB:  Professionals...yeah, I know.

BB: Eddie Mayfield and Craig Miles are bandaged up and in a bad mood after what happened earlier in the program, and they are in that cage waiting for the tag team champions!

SB: Hardy and Wilcox should be put in prison for what they did to the Professionals, Buckley.  And those two tramps that set Eddie and Craig up...well, let's just say that they're professionals of a DIFFERENT sort.

BB: Will you give it a rest?  Simply Stunning now makes their way to the ring, and Wilcox steps into the cage first...LOOK OUT! Mayfield and Miles shove past Ben Worthington and jump him before he can even get through the door.  They're pummeling him in the corner, and Hardy can't even get in the ring!  Oh boy! Miles just caught Hardy with a forearm that sent him tumbling down the ringsteps, and now Cocky Craig Miles is holding the door shut while Eddie Mayfield puts the boots to Simon Wilcox!

SB: This is a Professional-style mugging, Buckley, and the champs deserve every bit of it!

BB: Michael Hardy gets back to his feet and again climbs the ring steps...oh MAN! Miles swung that door open and caught Hardy right on the chin, and once again sent him crashing to the arena floor! There's a roof on that cage, Sammy! How is he supposed to get in there?

SB: That's the whole point!

BB: Simon Wilcox fighting back to his feet, but Mayfield raked him in the eyes, and grabbed him by the hair and tossed him HARD facefirst into the steel cage! Miles just went outside the cage and rammed Michael Hardy headfirst into the OUTSIDE of the cage, and LOOK OUT! Miles just tossed Hardy over the ringside railing and into the front row, and he grabbed the ring bell off of the timekeeper's table!

SB: DING!

BB: Craig Miles LAID Hardy OUT with that bell, and now he's casually getting back into the ring and telling Worthington to lock the door! Worthington's not going to do any such thing until Michael Hardy makes it to the ring, but I don't know when or IF that's going to happen!

SB: That's why they're the Professionals and the uncrowned tag team champions!

BB: Miles holds Wilcox in a full nelson in the ring, while Eddie Mayfield kicks him repeatedly in the stomach, and OOOH...he slapped the taste right out of his mouth! Mayfield digs into his tights and pulls out a cigarette and lights it up...he just blew smoke in the face of Simon Wilcox! Wilcox kicks at Mayfield, so...

SB: BOOM!

BB: Miles just delivered a full nelson slam to Simon Wilcox, and Eddie Mayfield just used him as an ashtray! Michael Hardy is STILL clearing the cobwebs at ringside, trying to get past the effects of that ring bell shot.  Look at the audacity of Eddie Mayfield, standing in the corner smoking a cigarette while Craig Miles puts the boots to Simon Wilcox.  Miles now pulls Wilcox up and HURLS him facefirst into the cage! Wilcox staggers back to the middle of the ring...MILES WITH A RUNNING CLOTHESLINE!

SB: Did you see that pretty boy Simon's head just snap back, Buckley? This is a beautiful thing!

BB: Mayfield tosses his cigarette butt out through the mesh of the cage, and now Craig Miles rests in the corner and lights one up while Eddie Mayfield gleefully trots over to Simon Wilcox. Wilcox staggers to his feet, and Mayfield just hooked him...SIDE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP!  Mayfield now turns Wilcox over and RUBS his face in the canvas, and now he's holding him there as Miles comes out of the corner...KNEEDROP TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! That may have broken Simon Wilcox's NOSE!

SB: We can only hope!

BB: Miles goes back to the corner while Mayfield pulls Wilcox up to his feet.  Mayfield points to Miles, who extends his foot as Mayfield whips him in...BIG BOOT to the face, and Wilcox goes down like a ton of bricks, and now...THIS ISN'T RIGHT! Craig Miles just put out his cigarette on Wilcox's chest, and the British youngster screams in agony!

SB: I wonder if these two punks think that little stunt with the hookers is funny now!

BB: Miles now pulls Wilcox to his feet, as Mayfield positions himself near one of the cage walls...what are we going to see here?  Miles whips Wilcox in and Mayfield grabs him... HOT SHOT INTO THE SIDE OF THE CAGE! And he hangs on and PLANTS him in the canvas with a spinebuster! Say good night!

SB: Good night!

BB: ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! NO! WILCOX GOT THE SHOULDER UP! Mayfield can't believe it, and Miles motions to do it again!  Miles whips Wilcox toward Mayfield...NO! WILCOX REVERSES AND MAYFIELD HOOKS MILES...NO! He managed to stop himself and set his partner down... LOOK OUT! Wilcox dropkicked Miles from behind, and sent him right into Mayfield!

SB: No, no, no! This is all wrong!

BB: Miles staggers to his feet and charges Wilcox! Wilcox jumped up and grabbed the cage roof and caught Miles with his legs! His legs wrapped around Cocky Craig's head! Twisting headscissors takes him to the canvas!  Mayfield to his feet charges Wilcox...Wilcox caught him with a drop toe hold...

SB: NO!

BB: AND MAYFIELD FELL FACE FIRST INTO HIS PARTNER'S CROTCH! MILES WRITHING IN PAIN IN AGONY!

SB: Little Craig just got squashed!  This isn't fair! And look at this, Buckley...someone's joining the party!

BB: Hardy's back to his feet, and he's...YES! HE'S BACK IN THE RING!

SB: This isn't fair, Buckley...the odds are even again!

BB: Only you would see that as a problem...

SB: Eddie and Craig would agree with me!

BB: Mayfield staggers back to his feet...SIMPLY STUNNING CATCHES HIM ON THE JAW WITH A DOUBLE DROPKICK! Miles to his feet, and Wilcox grabs him...INVERTED ATOMIC DROP! He holds him in place as Hardy leaps up and grabs the cage roof and swings with momentum... BOTH BOOTS SQUARE IN THE MUSH OF CRAIG MILES!

SB: This has gone terribly wrong for the Professionals! They need to regroup!

BB: Mayfield back to his feet, and Wilcox and Hardy grab him and hurl the Hot Property facefirst into the cage! Mayfield staggers back out..DOUBLE SUPERKICK BY THE CHAMPS! Hardy hooks the leg! ONE! TWO! THR-NO! MAYFIELD KICKED OUT! Miles staggers back to his feet, and Simon Wilcox gets on all fours a few feet in front of him...Hardy charges and catapults off his partner's back...MISSILE SHOULDERBLOCK WIPES OUT MILES!

SB: Come on, Buckley, you've got some clout around here...DO SOMETHING!

BB: I'm enjoying this, Sammy, and so are these fans!  Wilcox and Hardy each grab one of Craig Miles' legs, and MAKE A WISH!

SB: The human body's not supposed to bend like that, Buckley! The man's got a wife for crying out loud!

BB: He didn't seem to care much about that earlier! Eddie Mayfield getting up to his feet, and now Wilcox and Hardy each with one of Miles' legs...they rock back...AND SLINGSHOT MILES INTO MAYFIELD! You could HEAR their heads crack together!  Simply Stunning scurries over! Double pinfall! ONE! TWO! THR-NO! BOTH PROFESSIONALS KICK OUT!

SB: There IS a God!

BB: Wilcox and Hardy look to each other to plan their next exciting double-team move... WAIT!

SB: YES!

BB: Miles and Mayfield each score with a BLATANT low blow uppercut to a member of Simply Stunning! Wilcox and Hardy both doubled over, and now the Professionals get to their feet... STEREO DDTs on the World Tag Team Champions! And just like that, the momentum has shifted again!

SB: And that's why they're Professionals, and Simply Stunning are simply amateurs!

BB: Miles and Mayfield now getting to their feet, and Miles is limping gingerly.  He's calling for Mayfield to spread open Wilcox's legs...AND MILES TAKES A RUNNING FIELD GOAL KICK TO THE FAMILY JEWELS! Give me a break!  Wilcox is rolling around in agony on the canvas while Ben Worthington admonishes Miles, and Miles doesn't seem to care!

SB: Worthington's not in the guy's league!

BB: Miles and Mayfield now scoop Michael Hardy up, and they run him like a BATTERING RAM into the cage! AGAIN! A third time!  Now they take a few steps back and get a running start... AND HURL HIM INTO THE SIDE OF THE STEEL CAGE LIKE A MISSILE! This is like a car wreck!  Hardy's been left for dead, as the Professionals turn their attention to Simon Wilcox!

SB: Come on Johnny, put him in a body bag!

BB: Miles grabs Wilcox's leg and lays it out on the canvas, while Mayfield jumps up and grabs the cage roof and now is moving across the roof of that cage like they were monkey bars on a playground...he's directly over Simon Wilcox's outstretched leg, and he LETS GO...

SB: BOMBS AWAY!

BB: The FULL weight of Eddie Mayfield came crashing down on the leg of Simon Wilcox, and the kid is in absolute agony!

SB: Now we go to school, Professional style!

BB: Craig Miles now kicks away at the knee a few times, and now...YES...he's got the figure four leglock hooked, and this kid is going to have no choice but to give up!  And Eddie Mayfield standing right over him, kicking away relentlessly at the ribs, adding insult to injury and SCREAMING for the kid to call it quits!  I don't think Simon Wilcox knows the meaning of the word quit!

SB: I don't think he knows the meaning of lots of words, but he better give it up before we start seeing finger breaking again! I don't think my stomach could stand it!

BB: Wait a minute! Michael Hardy is trying to get to his feet on the other side of the cage, and those two women from earlier tonight have made their way to ringside!

SB: Hey! One of them just pulled something out of her purse and slipped it through the mesh of the cage! What did she give him, Buckley?

BB: I have no idea, Sammy, but Michael Hardy is concealing some sort of object, as he's getting to his feet! Simon Wilcox is in agony, and Hardy is coming to try to make the save! Miles just pointed him out to Mayfield, and Mayfield catches him with a hard right hand!

SB: Somebody warn him! Eddie, he's got something! He's got something!

BB: He can't hear you over this crowd, Sammy! Mayfield kicks Hardy in the breadbasket and now he scoops him up! He's setting him up for the Screwjob corkscrew piledriver!

SB: Justice will prevail after all!

BB: WAIT! HARDY JUST JABBED THAT OBJECT INTO MAYFIELD'S SIDE! THAT'S A STUN GUN! IT'S A STUN GUN! AND MAYFIELD COLLAPSED TO THE CANVAS IN A HEAP WITH HARDY CRASHING DOWN ON TOP OF HIM! Wilcox just pointed it out to the ref, and Miles is trying to untangle his legs to make the save!

SB: Hurry, Craig!

BB: ONE! TWO! THREE! Miles was a split second too late, and Simply Stunning has won it!

SB: They STOLE it!  I thought these guys were supposed to be clean-cut do-gooder Brits?

BB: Miles attacking Hardy...LOOK OUT! Hardy just got HIM with the stun gun too!  The jolt of electricity takes Miles to the canvas, and he's shaking like a wet leaf!  Worthington just saw the stun gun, and he's waving his arms, and he's raising the hands of Miles and Mayfield!

SB: Do they get the belts? They deserve the belts!

BB: Let's go to Rhubarb for the official decision!

RJ: Ladies and gentlemen, referee Ben Worthington has reversed the decision due to the illegal use of a stun gun by Simply Stunning.  He has awarded the contest to the Professionals as a result of a disqualification! However, Simply Stunning will retain the titles.

SB: What a jip!

BB: Well, the Professionals get the win, but they don't look much like winners right now, suffering the effects of that stun gun in the middle of the ring! Simply Stunning has saved their titles, but they took a beating to do it! Fans, we'll be right back!