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The Ultimate Sacrifice

If you want something done right...


Laptop Jackpot


Red Herring...

The Ultimate Sacrifice - Part Deux

If you want something done right, don't send Roderick McRatrick

Bright, sunshiny day! A perfect day to be relaxing on a cruise ship. And that's just what CSWA Greensboro Champion Jericoholic Anonymous is doing. Decked out in Bermuda shorts, sunglasses and lathered in SPF 20 sunblock, JA is lounging on a layout chair with Lollipop, in a black string bikini and an SPF 35 sunblock (because she's prone to falling asleep) in the chair next to him, sleeping just like clockwork. JA is all smiles as he lays back, hands behind his head, feet up and a fruity drink in a coconut shell with an umbrella in it to his side. It's always sunny in Philadelphia, and it's always sunny for Philadelphians laying out on the deck of the Parsons Cruise Liner 2... well, always sunny until someone walks in your sunlight.

Rude woman blocking poor JA's sunlight: It sure must be hard work looking for a Hacker when you're reclining in a chair catching some rays. Most people, when they want to get a tan, generally don't want their face to be pale as a ghost, under a mask or not.

JA: The hell...

The Anglo Luchador looks up to find that a certain Queen of the Ring is standing over him.

JA: What in the hell do you think you're doing?

LT: I should ask you the same thing, but it's kinda obvious what the answer would be.

JA: Well duh... I'm on a cruise, I'm doing what people on a cruise should be doing.

JA sticks his tongue out at the EPW World Champion.

LT:You're just like a child, you know that?

Troy rolls her eyes and motions off to the side.

LT: You mind moving your towel off that chair? I'd like to occupy it.

JA: Fine... make me move... just when I'm comfortable...

JA sits up and grabs the towel from off the chair on his other side.

Troy throws her own towel over the chair and eases into it.

LT: Y'know, instead of bitching about having to move because you can't keep your towel on your own chair, you should be moving around this floating prison trying to find the person keeping us here.

JA: Hey, hey... I've got that taken care of. Remember? I got my own private dick, Roderick McRatrick, on the case. He'll find us that hacker.

Cut to Roderick McRatrick, walking, holding a leash. The leash is attached to one Rusty Joe, who's obviously drunk and sniffing the ground like a bloodhound.

RMR: You find anything yet, Rusty Joe?


RMR: Didn't think so... hrm... I wonder, how does gay midget sex feel... I'll have to try and proposition that Red later on...

Suddenly, Rusty Joe points his head to a room.


With that, Rusty Joe falls over.

RMR: Good job Rusty Joe! You deserve a Scooby Snack!

Roderick throws an egg as hard as he can at Rusty Joe's head, and the egg splatters.

RMR: But we're all out, so have an egg.

Roderick grabs the doorknob.

RMR: Now I've got you!

He opens the door, and standing right in the doorway is... THE PENGUIN! (from Billy Madison). With a martini in one hand, he waves to Roderick with the other.

RMR: Aha! I knew I'd find you!

Cut back to JA and Troy.

LT: Seriously, you're going to leave our fates to someone who thinks he can talk to the ghost of a guy who isn't even dead yet?

Suddenly, the Ghost of Steve Guttenberg materializes behind Troy.

GoSG: Hey, you know just because I'm a ghost doesn't mean I can't feel your insults!

LT: You hear something?

JA: No, I think it was just the wind.

GoSG: You bastards!

The Ghost runs to the edge of the boat and jumps into the sea.

JA: Anyway... you raise a valid point.

LT: I know I do. I'd like to step on land sometime soon and leaving McRatrick in charge of anything is about as smart as putting a gun in Dick Cheney's hands.

JA: And I thought you liked poor little Roddy.

Troy sarcastically smirks

JA: Well then, I guess I gotta do what I gotta do. Besides... I heard the sun wasn't even that good for you anyway. sigh

JA gets up and scoots off-camera. Troy watches him go and smiles to herself.

LT: Finally, some relative peace...

She closes her eyes behind her sunglasses and settles deeper into the chaise-lounge. Not a moment passes before Lollipop bolts upright in her chair.

Lolli: Like, omigosh, babe...I just had the weirdest dream! You were, like, hanging out with the Ewoks and I was their fairy princess and ... babe? Where'd you go?

Lolli jumps up and scoots off-screen as well, most likely in search of her fiancé.