Chapter View

What Has Gone Before: Thomas

What Has Gone Before: Hacker

Eighteen Years Ago: Men at Work

Eighteen Years Ago: Raindrops Keep Falling

Home, Team

What Has Gone Before: Eli Flair

Coming of Age

What Has Gone Before: Unified

The Lineup

Greensboro Ring

Center Ring: Old Friends

Presidential Ring

Center Ring: Upstaged

Title Shot Ring

United States Ring

Presidential Approval Ratings

Center Ring

Don't Stop Now

Center Ring Interlude: Old Friends

(CUTTO: The fourth U-62 HD channel that is showing the view of the center ring, where the UNIFIED Championship will be on the line later in the evening, and Troy Windham is currently sitting on a turnbuckle, watching the beginning of the GOLD RUSH spectacle in the adjoining four rings. He has a microphone and is being broadcast to the crowd over the loudspeakers.)

TROY: And they’re off! By now, Bill Buckley has yelled “Hello wrestling fans!” and Sammy Benson has uttered the first of four hundred twelve witty remarks that the CSWA writers have laid in front of in, hoping he’ll be sober enough to read them. In the little-ring-that-could, JA is busy trying not to get thrown out and lose the Greensboro title…

Wait a second, forget this. None of you are watching them, are you? You’re simply watching me with anticipation. Waiting for the EPITOME, the Troy Diggidy, the Greatest Wrestler In The History Of This Industry, to do something…anything.

You know I can’t disappoint. So before Troy Windham takes on the World, it’s time to introduce a man who I hold very dear to my heart…

(CUEUP: “The Muppet Theme”)

Ladies and Gentlemen, the man you love to hate…. JUNIOR HORNET!

(The man formerly known as P. Vicious steps out onto the ramp. Well into his forties and gone to seed, the former multi-time Unified Tag Team Champion is wearing a “tuxedo” T-shirt and shorts that are far too short to be comfortable…for any of us. He has a T-shirt gun contraption in hand and sprints down to the ring, visibly huffing and puffing as he joins the Unified Champ in the center ring.)

TROY: Wait a second… wow, I’m sorry. It’s funny what age can do to the mind. I actually thought I tagged with you…but that was EDDY LOVE! I mean, you can see the resemblance so clearly…. Oh well, I’ll forgive the fact that you tagged with my on-again-off-again brother-cousin Timmy. Hmmm…that didn’t sound right. Makes me sound like I came from some sort of circus-freak family, doesn’t it? Anyway, fire those T-shirts!!!

(The nearby crowd goes crazy and forgets to watch the ongoing action as Junior Hornet aims the vehicle of T-shirt-based destruction at them and fires. The spectacle continues for a while until Troy sees something out of the corner of his eye. Jay Smash has just been eliminated from the GOLD RUSH competition. Troy takes the T-shirt gun from Junior.)

TROY: Time for target practice, folks.

(He fires as Jay Smash gets to his feet and is headed for the rampway. The rolled up T-shirt catches Smash unexpectedly on the back of the head and dazes him momentarily. The crowd doesn’t know whether to laugh or feel sorry for him… so they laugh.)

TROY: Ladies and gentlemen, JAY SMASH IS ELIMINATED!