Chapter View

Life Support

Keeping the Network Happy

Welcome to SHOWTIME!

Welcome Back

The best laid plans…

Impromptu Main Event!

Too late, the heroes

Match Interruptus


Just... don't.

When you're drunk, every crisis is a PARTY!

I Hear

Unmitigated Disaster

Impromptu Main Event!

BB: “Triple X” Sean Stevens is BACK in the CSWA, and he's just tossed out an open challenge to anyone who wants a piece!

SB: Maybe Ivy can come out and they can tongue-wrestle.

BB: Don’t you think that’s a bit much, even for you?

SB: Hey, if the FemiNazi is going to become Betty Crocker, where better for the world to see it than LIVE on SHOWTIME.

BB: I don’t think it’s Ivy, but it looks like business is about to pick up!

(The arena goes dark.)
(CUEUP: “Time of Dying” by Three Days Grace)

On the ground I lay
Motionless in pain
I can see my life flashing before my eyes
Did I fall asleep?
Is this all a dream
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare

I will not die (I will not die)
I will survive

(Still dark, except now spotlights are flashing around the arena. Everywhere except the entryway and the ramp.)

SB (V/O): Who the heck is this? And where are they?

BB: I’ve got no idea. Triple X called out anyone in the back, and it looks like that’s just what we’ve got!

I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying

(As the chorus begins to repeat, the spotlights converge on the entryway. As the crowd erupts, CSWAvision springs to life. In the lights, a man stands in street clothes.)


BB: The one and only! And he’s marching down the ramp with a purpose! We haven’t seen these two tangle since Hornet last held the United States Championship.

SB: Forget the title, Buckley. These two were really fighting over one thing, or should I say one FemiNazi in particular. It’s the old boyfriend versus the one who knocked her up!

BB: Come on Sammy. A little respect.

(Hornet rolls into the ring, tears off his jacket and pulls off the T-shirt underneath, tossing them toward Rhubarb Jones. He’s smiling, but he and Stevens are already jawing at each other.)

BB: Hornet clearly wasn’t expecting to wrestle tonight. He was scheduled to appear, but not in a match. It looks like he’ll be wrestling in jeans and sneakers, but I don’t think he cares!

SB: Why should he? He’s getting paid just to show up and lose like he did at PRIMETIME to Nova.

BB: And I think it’s safe to say that no one except you considers that a “bad loss,” Sammy. Nova is one of the standout stars of the year.

SB: Why? Because he’s renamed every move in the book with some smarmy, smarky name? Come on. The man’s a tool.

BB: Referee Patrick Young has joined the ring and is calling for the bell, so it looks like this one is official! It’s the Blue Eyed Badass against the CSWA’s Franchise Player! They lock up, and Stevens quickly uses his lower center of gravity to try and whip Hornet across, but the former UNIFIED Champ reverses and sends Stevens into the corner, then follows up with a quick elbow!

SB: Blasted Bugbrain! Why can’t he just retire already? The man’s like 60!

BB: You know better than that, Sammy. Sean Stevens comes out of the corner and locks up again with Hornet. Again he goes for the whip and Hornet reverses! But this time, Sean puts the brakes on, catches Hornet with a forearm and sends him into the ropes. SWINGING NECKBREAKER! ONE!!!! NO! Hornet’s up, but the early fall by the former Presidential Champ.


BB: Isn’t it a little early for that?

SB: It’s never too early to call for Hornet’s death and demise.

BB: Just a wee bit overboard, don’t you think?

SB: Was it overboard when he handcuffed Tom Adler to a limousine? Or when he pulled out a branding iron and made an indelible mark on Mark Vizzack? Or when he…. Wait a second, those are the few things I actually LIKED about him.

BB: Sean keeping Hornet off his feet with a series of German suplexes. These two men are almost even in weight, with a slight height advantage going to Hornet. Stevens holds on, but a quick standing switch by Hornet! Full nelson locked in! Full nelson slam!!! The cover! ONE!!!!!!!! TWO!!!!!!!!!

(The arena lights go out!)

SB: What the…

BB: Fans, as you can see, the lights have gone out on us. I’m sure it a momentary technical…

(The lights come back on.)

BB: …glitch. Referee Patrick Young ruled that Stevens was able to escape the three-count. Triple X takes advantage of the momentary distraction to get to his feet… quick dropkick right to Hornet’s chest! Hornet charges out of the corner… HURRICANRANA! Hornet rolls through to avoid the pin, but is clearly winded. Sean pulls him to his feet and delivers several European uppercuts, backing him into the corner. Hornet charges out…. X-FACTOR!!! X-FACTOR!!! Hornet came out of the corner and got ROCKED by that superkick from Sean Stevens!!!


BB: It looks like he’s trying to do just that. Stevens springs to the top rope! He’s setting up for a frogsplash!!!! Will Hornet get out of the way in time or is this it!?


SB: NOOOOO!!!!! Whoever replaced Marvin better start looking for another job… this is ridiculous!

BB: Did you just say ridicurous?

SB: Why would I say ridicurous? Stop doing bloody Seinfeld jokes and GET THE LIGHTS ON!


SB: And it was good.

BB: Don’t get a complex. Patrick Young is standing on one side of the ring and he doesn’t know what to make of it. Both Hornet and Stevens are down on the mat… I’m not sure what happened with the frog splash, but it doesn’t seem like it did the damage Triple X was hoping for! Folks, we have to take a break… but we’ll be right back here on U-62!