February 16, 2007

As Bill Buckley and Sammy Benson are warming up the audience in the BJCC Arena and preparing to do the live webcast of the show, CSWA owner Stephen Thomas has called an ‘all hands’ meeting. All the talent, crew and CSWA staff are gathered in the catering area, waiting to hear their illustrious leader’s current plan.

THOMAS: I want to start by thanking you all for being here. You all know what happened a few weeks ago in Columbia and the effect it had on our deal with U-62. We lost all the momentum we were starting to build from the incredible GOLD RUSH event all of you put on… all because we’ve got someone with a vendetta against the CSWA running around. The most urgent thing for all of you to know is that I’ve been able to make some changes and guarantee that we’re solvent through FISH FUND. Everyone gets paid, no one gets laid off and we keep working our damnedest to put on the best program we can, TV or not.

But even more important -- I want you to know that I’m putting all the resources I’ve got left to finding out who this so-called “Hacker” is. Ivy has a team ready to track him down if he tries anything else, and I’m bringing in additional security for FISH FUND in a few weeks. But just in case someone here has heard something, or can help me find out what’s going on… I’m going old-school and putting a bounty on this “Hacker’s” head. Half a MILLION dollars from my own pocket…not the company’s.

I am going to find out who is doing this, and I’m going to make them pay. And after that, I’m going to put the same amount of energy and effort to getting us back on television and getting us back to the level where we can again say without a doubt that the CSWA is not only the best wrestling in the world, but the best event in all of sports.

(Thomas doesn’t wait for any type of response, he simply turns on his heels and heads to the gorilla position. After a moment of stunned silence, the group starts to break off in different directions, while some stay at the tables.)

ADRIAN EVANS: That was… Stephen Thomas… wasn’t it?

IVY: I have a feeling we could be moving into some sort of “evil twin” storyline here.

RUDY: An evil, smarter, more competent twin?

ADRIAN: Something like that. I’ve never seen him so… focused.

IVY: I have. Unfortunately.

ADRIAN: Unfortunately? ‘Competent’ and ‘focused’ rate as positive adjectives in my dictionary, boss.

IVY: You know how they talk about people with ADD not being able to complete tasks? It’s not because their focus is split as much as it is that they stay focused on one thing for too long. They think about it long after everyone else has moved on.

RUDY: But this hacker guy is still around? Isn’t that what he should be focused on?

IVY: He should. But I’m afraid he’s so focused on getting revenge that he’s forgetting the hard part. We actually have to catch this bastard first.

(As Ivy sips some weak coffee (the one vice she allows herself during pregnancy) the silence around the table is marred by the scraping of a nearby chair. TERI MELTON walks by, an insincere smile plastered on her face as she walks by her pregnant boss.)

TERI: Can I get your anything, Ivy? It looks like you’re moving around a little slower today. I guess pregnancy finally caught up with you?

IVY: Teri… you know what they say about a pregnant woman’s hormones? On a normal day I typically feel like jabbing my nails into your eye sockets just because you’re nearby. Can you imagine what I might do if you’re close by and you start taking cracks on my weight?

(Teri visibly starts, ducks her head and almost runs the opposite way.)

ADRIAN: You know, you’re not normally frightening, despite your rep. But when she gets near, I can see the old “Psycho Bitch” days right in front of my eyes.

IVY: Teri’s normally not worth the attitude, Ade. Except that I’m afraid I may have underestimated her… or maybe just thought she might have a decent bone in her scrawny body. I think our best lead on the Hacker just headed for the hills… and we better follow her.

ADRIAN: I’m on it like a Parsons on Elvis.