SIMONS: Featuring two title matches, PRIMETIME is guaranteed to bring the bling… the gold, that is. The fighting champion who has put a challenge out to all-comers gets a chance to take on a wrestling stand-out and veteran who is making his CSWA debut. Christian Montiero challenges JA for the Greensboro Championship. JA found time during his Miami Beach vacation to share his thoughts on taking on the newcomer.
(CUTTO: Clip beginning with a voiceover)
"Don't you know that you are a shooting star?"
The scene is BEEEEEAUTIFUL Miami Beach, Eff-Ell-Aye, high noon. Lollipop is lounging out a fold-out chair on the beach, black sunglasses hiding her closed eyes, right arm resting on the arm, left arm holding a drink in a coconut shell with a frilly umbrella, all that in the background. JA, in the foreground, in a baggy bathing suit and a sunny-colored lucha mask, is just standing looking out at the PCL2 liner docked out, waiting for PRIMETIME in Miami to let out before letting all those folks on board.
JA: Well, given my travel schedule over the last year or so, all over this continent and in the one all the way across the Pond, I could use a vacation.
I know, I know what everyone of you watching this is thinking. Vacation? The See-Ess-Dub has been on vacation for the last six months. Well, yeah, but for those of you who don't know, my other places of employment keep me busy.
I may not wrestle like a Mexican anymore, but I damn sure work like one.
Vaguely offensive but good-natured slurs towards our Mexican friends aside, I was beginning to think that this business was going to run me down, that I was going to just be on tour forever and visit cities without ever having visited them, you know? I saw London, I saw France, I saw Lolli's underpants, several times on that last one, actually, but I never got a chance to just relax. Between having psychotic but ugly people trying to end your career and trying to deal with this company's Big Cheese moonlighting over with All-Natural Dan Ryan's company, it takes a toll on you.
So I guess that's why you can imagine that I'm really, really looking forward to this Cruise. I mean, sure, I did pretty much say that I was going to defend my Greensboro strap as much as I can without invoking the 24/7 rule.
JA turns around to find Roderick McRatrick, steel chair and referee in tow, sneaking up on him.
JA: Sorry Ratto, I said no 24/7 rule.
RMR: Damn you.
Roderick and the ref slink off.
JA: But I figure after this shindig in Miami and I get on the boat, I can just wrestle my matches. No traveling, no airplanes or car rides, no dragging luggage. No fast food for breakfast, fast food for lunch and a sensible dinner which may or may not be fast food diet. At least for two weeks. I can finally sit down and relax.
Lolli: Babe, what about when you like promised Ms. McGinnis you'd help find The Hacker as a way to make it up to her for calling her Ms. Melons?
JA: Oh yeah, that. Well I have something planned for that too. I call it outsourcing, although don't get any ideas, Cousin Sonjayholic.
JA just looks sidelong into the camera.
JA: I'm really getting myself into trouble with this segment, aren't I?
Anyway, I know I can't relax just yet though. I still have a title to defend right here, in the Penis-head of America. And I get to do it against See-Ess-Dub newcomer and all around young lion Christian Canyonero.
C-Mizzle, I'll cop to not knowing a whole hell of a lot about you. You do have an impressive resumé, a few titles here, a tournament there, a huge win over Cloud Strife's little brother in said tournament. I have to say, I'm a little impressed. Hell, I'm sure you impressed Big Stevie Fool because if you're getting a title shot in your first match here, I'm guessing you have to be pretty good.
But I'm gonna shoot straight with you for a second or two. Even though I've been the Greensboro Champion for six months, I still haven't defended it once. Not even in an Ee-Pee-Dubya dark show, or on one of those indie circuit tribute shows where they always seem to have those random fed title matches going on. If you think I'm going to let this title get away from me the first time I've defended it, then you're even sillier than Ratto over here still trying to sneak up on me to win the belt on a 24/7 stipulation that I didn't even name.
JA turns around.
JA: Right, Ratto?
Roderick quickly puts his steel chair behind his back and shoves his ref out of the picture.
JA turns back around.
JA: So, I'll have to apologize if my welcome to you into the See-Ess-Dub isn't as courteous as if I were Sherri Melton. But then again, on the plus side of things, at least I don't have twelve Ess-Tee-Dees that I'd be giving to you upon entry. Because a venereal disease/herpes/syphillis cocktail isn't a proper welcoming gift for a guy like you, Canyonero.
But if you think my Greensboro Championship is a proper welcoming gift, then, well, you'll be pretty disappointed.
JA looks out to the ocean and the cruise liner as Roderick sneaks back up behind him. Without turning a head, JA gives a no-look elbow shot right behind him, catching the steel chair and knocking it into Roderick's face, knocking him out backwards into the sand as the screen fades to the CSWA logo.
"And all the world will love you just as long, as long as you are... a shooting star."