(BILL BUCKLEY and SAMMY BENSON are settled in at the commentator’s table on the deck of the Parsons’ Cruise Liner 2. Taping a show is always a different energy then doing one live, and doing one on a ship’s deck throws another wrench into things. Ring announcer Rhubarb Jones is hyping the crowd of CSWA cruisers – a task made even harder by the fact that it has become clear to all but the most dense that something has gone terribly wrong with this cruise. They haven’t made one scheduled disembarkation and there hasn’t been anything publicly said about it, except for a couple of signs that advise weather patterns have changed their route. The ship-to-shore phones are all suddenly ‘out of order,’ and neither the captain nor CSWA owner Stephen Thomas have shown up for any of the “Captain’s Dinners.” Something is definitely rotten in Denmark…)

BENSON: You do realize I’m gonna spill all the beans on this idiot Hacker mess, don’t you?

BUCKLEY: Hey, if you wanna get tasered and thrown overboard, feel free. I don’t know what good it’ll do since the show is being taped.

SB: If I say it enough, they’ll either have to scrap the whole thing or let something slip through.

BB: So you’re saying that in three months, when this actually airs, someone might see it and think, “Hey, maybe we should contact the authorities and send them to find a boat that was somewhere in the Caribbean three months ago?”

SB: You have a better plan?

(The monitors on their table switch from various camera views to one view of their beloved former colleague, the Red Midget.)

RED: I do. How about you keep your big mouth shut and I don’t have to come up there and take your place?

SB: If you come up here, the only place you’re going is overboard.

RM: The only way I’m coming up there is if my security already has you tasered, trussed, and ready to humiliate.

BB: What do you want, Lyle?

RM: Just to remind both of you that none of us want to start an angry and confused mob here, do we? Because that would lead to people getting hurt… and considering my guys are the ones with all the stun guns, tasers and tear gas, I don’t think we want that, right?

SB: Your guys? You don’t expect us to believe you’re the mastermind behind this, do you? In fact, if I remember your little one-man show, you’ve already made it clear that this idiot “Hacker” is your new boss.

RM: That’s not for you to worry about, Sammy. As usual, you’re not important enough to play with the big boys, only the minions.

SB: Come out of your little hidey-hole and I’ll show you what I can do to annoying little minions…

BB: I’ll keep him reined in as usual, Lyle. Was there anything else?

RM: That was it, Bill. Glad to see you can still be professional during a stressful time.

BB: Show your oversized little head up here and I’ll show you how professional I can be. It wouldn’t be the first time, remember?

RM: Touche. Be good boys, I’ll be watching.

(The monitors flash back to their normal camera views. Rhubarb is beginning the countdown.)

SB: I wondered if you still had it in you.

BB: I hate that little person almost as much as you do, Sammy. That doesn’t mean I’m going to give him an excuse to end up hurting some innocent people. You ready?

SB: As ready as I’ll ever be.

BB: Here we go. (takes deep breath as the stage manager counts down) Hello wrestling fans! This is CSWA PRIMETIME and I’m Bill Buckley, along here as always with Sammy Benson….