And it started out as such a nice cruise.

The CSWA's perennial "PRIMETIME POOLJAM Tour" set off on the Parsons' Cruise Liner II after a huge CSWA PRIMETIME in Miami. Mike Randalls revealed his relationship with Teri Melton, while destroying Timmy Windham in the process. Kin Hiroshi became the United States Champion over Hornet, after some expect help from friend Kevin Powers, and some unexpected help from one Ruben Ross.

All seemed well as the cruise ship left the dock and headed for Jamaica. But that evening, as the CSWA talent and staff joined for a rare banquet together, all hell broke loose. Little Mattie Cundiff, cancer patient, Make-A-Wish recipient, and friend of Cameron Cruise, revealed himself to be none other than the Red Midget, aka Lyle Tallman, thought to be long dead by all but CSWA owner Stephen Thomas, who believed him to be still trapped on a deserted island.

Bizarre enough for you? No? Keep reading.

The CSWA faithful were held hostage in the ballroom, forced to watch a four-hour one man show by the Red Midget, detailing his life story, and eventually revealing that Red is actually working for the mysterious "Hacker" who has been periodically interrupting CSWA television and operations. When Thomas objected, he and his wife Hortense were taken out by security and locked up inside the Presidential cabin. Hortense used the situation to her advantage, trying to convince Thomas to finally consummate their year-long marriage. Red added his opinion -- telling Thomas that he would never leave the cabin unless he acceded to his wife's wishes. Still trapped in the cabin, it appears that Thomas has given in...and Hortense wants more.

In the meantime, the Hacker had an unlikely threesome trapped in a cabin together. All thinking it was the cabin they had been assigned, Teri Melton, Hornet and Poison Ivy all entered separately, only to find out together that it was a trap. The three have had no love lost since the bizarre love triangle that caused Ivy to dump Hornet publicly, after finding out that he and Teri had had a one-night stand (and Teri lied about being pregnant from it). Despite some flareups, the three band together to outsmart the Hacker and escape the Hacker, eventually doing so.

While the CSWAers know all is not well, the cruising public does not. They begin to become suspicious as plans to dock as various ports are cancelled. Greensboro Champion JA begins his own investigation into the goings-on, only to find himself foiled by the Hacker. Not one to give up, he continues to dive deeper, eventually coming into contact with another group of our friends.

At the same time, the CSWA's shows scheduled on the boat go on. PRIMETIME in Montego Bay takes place on the boat, despite not being docked in Jamaica at all. But the craziness seems to carry over, as JA's title defense against Steven Shane ends in a schmozz -- Hornet is unable to compete in his match while he is held hostage, so "Triple X" Sean Stevens uses a chair to take out former CSWA World Champion Shane Southern.

And in a ladder match announced for the vacated UNIFIED World Title between jilted champion Dan Ryan and former champ Mark Windham, rumored-to-be-retired and actual UNIFIED Champion Troy Windham appears out of nowhere and pulls one of his patented swerves, actually grabbing the belt from its perch.

Another CSWA PRIMETIME is scheduled, and the CSWA staff has been warned to act as if everything is normal. CSWA producer Marvin Parsons can't do it, though. He still remembers his own time as one of the CSWA's deranged nemeses. He taps into those dangerous memories and uses his own skills to start to pin down exactly how the Hacker and Red have control of things.

With his biggest scheme yet launched, the Hacker's three-year long plan seems to be in motion. But no one yet knows what his (or her?) objective is, or motive, or, more importantly, who the Hacker is.