Chapter View

What Has Gone Before

The Great Escape

Quo Vadis?

This Is A Plan?

A Disaster Beyond Your Imagination

A Contemplative Hostage

Rescue Attempt

It's A Wrestling Show, Right?

It’s No Live Sex Show – Thankfully

Dude, Where’s My Lifeboat?

Midget Fight!

Women and Children First – Midgets Last

It’s No Live Sex Show – Thankfully

(Just a few minutes after the original call from the Red Midget on the radio, JA and Marvin Parsons and “borrowed” the uniforms of two of the downed security guards, while Poison Ivy and Adrian Evans have concocted a plan.)

RED (on the radio): Well? Get in there and do whatever you have to with Thomas before he destroys the whole place!

EVANS: Yes, sir. Headed in now.

IVY: Here. You’ll need this.

(She tosses one of the stun guns to JA.)

JA: I always wanted one of these for my very own.

(Marvin and JA enter the Presidential Suite, caps pulled down to avoid the camera catching their faces. As they enter, Thomas has move on from destroying the TV to trying to rip one of the ceiling-mounted cameras out of the corner. Hortense is trying to talk him down.)

HORTENSE: Shug, it’s gonna be alright. Just come back to bed and let Mama make you feel better.


(He turns and sees “security.”)

THOMAS: What the…? What are YOU doing here?

JA: (trying to talk over Thomas) You know why we’re here, sir. We can’t allow you to do this. Now if you’ll just calm down, we can talk about signing these papers.

THOMAS: Now look, I don’t care who you think you are, Mr….

(JA zaps Thomas with the stun gun. The CSWA owner falls off the counter and narrowly misses hitting his head on the corner of the bed.)

HORTENSE: What are you doing to my husband!? You can’t…

JA: Ma’am, please don’t make me use this on you too. We’re just here to make sure things get taken care of.

(Hortense finally gets a good look at JA’s face and realizes that the cavalry may have indeed arrived. JA is careful to keep his back to the nearest camera. In the meantime, Marvin is almost directly underneath the camera, out of view, as he pulls a laptop out from under his shirt and begins to strip a wire running partway down the wall.)

HORTENSE: I understand. I just don’t want him to be hurt. Are you sure he’s alright? Could you help me get him on the bed? I’m sure once he feels better he’ll do whatever it takes to get us out of here.

JA: Yes, ma’am. I’d be happy to help.

(They all know the clock is ticking until the ruse is revealed. JA continues to try to keep his face averted from the cameras’ views and act as naturally as possible, as Marvin works as quickly as he can. But there’s more than one camera, and if the Red Midget gets just one close view of either one of their faces….)

(As they get Thomas leveraged up to the bed with a moan, the radio squawks.)

RED: What’s going on in there? You didn’t…. hold on. WHAT!? ALL SECURITY TO THE FOREDECK! NOW! I always looked up to you, Hornet… but now… (the radio fades out as Red’s attention is diverted to Hornet and Teri in the ring.

JA: That’s it. You have what you need, Marvin?

MARVIN: One more sec….got it. The signal is coming from down below in one of the holds. I can pinpoint it exactly as soon as we get closer.

JA: Then let’s get outta here. (JA drags Thomas out through the cabin door and onto the deck as Hortense and Marvin follow, away from the prying eyes of the cameras.) Ivy?

IVY: Get it?

JA: As good as we’re going to. Looks like we got our diversion…and it didn’t even involve Roddy throwing somebody overboard.

THOMAS: (coming to again) What the hell is going on here?

IVY: We’re getting you out of here, Steve. You should be a little more grateful.

THOMAS: You! You hit me!

JA: I didn’t hit you… I just sent 30,000 volts of electricity shooting through you. There’s a difference.

THOMAS: I should really fire you. (turns to Ivy) What’s going on?

IVY: We think we know where your mysterious Hacker friend is now… or at least where he’s been broadcasting from. He’s apparently got control of the entire boat. Hornet and Teri are trying to rally the troops and cause a diversion while we get out of here and go after our “host.”

THOMAS: Hornet…and Teri?

IVY: Long story. For now, Marvin, Adrian and I will head below to see what we can find. JA, can you take Steve and Hortense toward the bridget -- Hornet’s going to need all the help he can get.

JA: I think I can handle that. As long as I’m not fired, of course.

THOMAS: I’m glad to see I didn’t make you a Vice-President for nothing.

JA: I’m a VP?

THOMAS: Shut up. Good luck.

IVY: You too. Let’s go.